Shadows

[10]

!Trigger warning!

"We are gathered here today, to honour and celebrate the life of Lucia Merlin." The woman who helped prepared Lucia's funeral is reading the eulogy I wrote.
"Lucia died from lung cancer age fourteen, on the thirtieth of March. The story of her is a sad one. I still remember the day I met her at eight years old, in the park: The little girl who had been abandoned by her cruel father-"
"Hey!" Lucia's dad screeches from the back of the church. Yes, he's here. I thought maybe he'd care that his daughter had died and maybe he'd sober up for it.
Guess not.
The lady continues.
"-In the park on a winter day. The lonely, sad, little child who's tears were freezing onto her face as soon as they left her eyes. The story of Lucia is a short one, it was a short life. A short story. A short amount of happiness. A short amount of time on this earth. And yet she acted like she loved it so much."
"This is a short poem that Lucia wanted us to read at her funeral. Please stand while we read it."
I didn't write this part.

!DISCLAIMER! I DID NOT WRITE THIS POEM!! All credit of this poem goes to the original writer of the poem: Heidi Wong.

"After the break up, a bird will fly into my bedroom window. The long, angular one lurking above New York City. The one that would fog up between November and December, glow orange in the summer. When I go out, the bird will still be breathing, still alive. Lying in her own blood, limbs outstretched as if reaching across half empty sheets. I'll think, "What a waste of something so beautiful," and dream about stitching her wounds with silver string, feeding her little worms and attention. Giving her my chest as a bed to rest in, my arms as a safe place to heal. Before your voice swims in from behind my skull: "Easier to just let it die.""
——————————————————
Her voice creeps in from behind me.
"I told you so." She says.
"Why are you here? Nobody invited you."
"Your dad called." She says, "I'm disappointed in you, Nala. I thought we were best friends. But you ruined that."
"Oh I ruined that now?" I spin around to face her, "Why are you playing the victim?"
"I'm not. You are. You had a perfect life until Lucia came and ruined it all. We had a wonderful friendship, but you abandoned me and left me for her." She says, "And I just feel so betrayed... I feel so hurt. I feel so sad."
"Lucia did nothing to you. I lost my best friend! I lost the one person who I knew for a fact truly cared about me! I lost my entire world and you're falling apart? I don't get to do that because I have a six year old sister that I don't want to traumatise!" I start to yell as the tears fall. But I still continue.
"So, please, SHUT UP! And GET OUT OF LUCIA'S FUNERAL!"
"No." Bella folds her arms and glares at me, "I have a right to be here. Your dad invited me. And I want to talk to you. We need to talk about how I'm feeling."
"Oh... my god. Why do we always talk about you?!" I yell,
"What do you mean 'always'?" She asks,
"Even before Lucia, all we ever talked about was YOU! How YOU felt! What YOU wanted!" I cry, "And now, even though we are at Lucia's funeral, you're still making it about YOU?" 
She stares at me, "Seriously, drop the attitude! I'm going to count to three, and if you haven't stopped being so rude, I'm gone and our friendship is done!"
"Okay..." I pause, "One."
"What are you doing?"
"Two."
"Don't you want our friendship?"
"Three."
"Hey! Stop it!"
I smirk at the end of our toxic friendship countdown.
"Why are you still here?" I ask,
"Ugh.... I hate you."
I grin.
"Good."
——————————————————
I moved back in to mum's house a few weeks ago. Lucia's house is being knocked down and that part of the park is being turned into flats.
The first night was the hardest.
I hadn't moved back in yet, it was my first night in the cabin without Lucia sleeping in the bed across from mine.

It was my first night releasing the lanterns without her. 

The colours seemed to have drained of all their life. No matter what I did, they always looked sad and lonely. Flowers solemnly flew across the fiery sky in the howling breeze, the brightest rainbows drooped and hid behind cloudy skies. Nothing looked happy like it did when she was here, no matter how hard I tried to will out any happiness left inside of me onto the paper. 
Releasing them was worse. The wind threw them about harshly, driving them away and tossing some of them into the lake. Rain poured down, soaking the paper and exterminating the flames on the candles. The next morning, I went out and fished out the ruined lanterns from the lake. I put the paper in the bin and recycled the candles for the next day. 
I've moved back in with my mother and family now. Dad is coming to take Siddy back today. He came for the week again. Kiki is happy that I'm back. She doesn't understand why Lucia isn't here anymore.
"Why isn't she here?" She asks,
"Lucia has gone." I say,
"Where?" 
"A happy place."
"Can I go to a happy place?" 
"Are you saying that you want ice cream?"
"No."
"What do you want to do?"
"I want to visit Lucia."
"You can't do that."
"Why not?"
"Because she's not here anymore."
"And she can't come back?"
"She can't come back, no."
"So do you mean we will never see her again?"
"Yes."
"Oh." Kiki frowns, "Why doesn't she want to see us?"
"She does." I say, "But she can't."
"Because she's not here." My sister pauses, "Why isn't she here?"
"Because her body didn't let her stay here." 
"Will my body let me stay here?"
"Yes. You should be able to stay here for a while." 
"Okay. Good." 
The doorbell rings.
Dad's here to take Siddy back. 
I go to answer the door. It's not a good idea for him and mum to see each other anymore. 
"Nala, my daughter! How are you?" He grins, his too-white teeth flashing a blinding light in my eyes. 
"Not great."
"Why not?"
"Because my best friend has died."
"Oh, get over it. It's not that big of a deal. There are much more important people than your dead best friend." He rolls his eyes, "How old are you now, twelve?"
"Almost fifteen." I say plainly, "I'll get Siddy."
"No, it's okay. He can come in his own time. I'd like to have a conversation with my daughter." 
"Really?" I sigh crossly,
"Of course! Now, do you still like Valentines day as much as you did when you were Kimi's age?" 
"I stopped being your daughter years ago when I found out what a horrible person you are, I never liked Valentines day because you and mum would always argue because you were never grateful that she spent hundreds of pounds trying to get you something you would appreciate, and my sisters name is Kiki, not Kimi." I fold my arms and glare at him.
He stands still, and then frowns.
"You know, lots of kids don't even have a dad. You should be grateful that you have a father!" He yells,
"I don't have a father, though, that's the thing!" I snarl, "You were never there! You were always out of the house working, or cheating on mum! When I brought mum that sapphire earring I found in your car at age eight, I didn't realise that it would cause so many problems! I-"
I stop talking, realising what I've just told him. 
"You brought Clarice, your mother, that earring?" 
"Mum's name isn't Clarice."
"Yes it is."
"No it's not. It's Clara."
"It's the same thing."
"It's really not." 
"ANYWAY." He huffs, "You brought Clara the earring? It was you? You destroyed our marriage?"
"I-" 
His hand flies up to hit me. I know that he used to train for boxing, and therefore being hit by him would really hurt. I cower underneath his arm, and wait for the pain. 
When I look up, the police are holding him back.
"Matthew Will, you are under arrest for child abuse and sexual harassment." One of them says, "You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you in court."
"I should have reported you a long time ago." Mum says from the stairs, "I was scared to approach you when you were beating our children, and you harassed me many times. I'm very glad I reported you this time."
He opens his mouth to say something, then closes it. 
For once, his mouth is shut.