Get In, Loser - We're Committing Grand Larceny

Chapter 2 of 3: GO, GO, GO!

"Say, chaps; where are we off to?"

Cleo gasped at him, appalled. "I texted you this evening!"

"No...? All you wrote was 'We're outside' at 2:45 AM and a middle finger emoji."

"CLEO!" yelled the duo in the front seats.

"Oh, hush up! I was texting Anish Kapoor and I got distracted. Anywho, I meant to tell you we're going to Liberty Mall in the West End."

"Oh, huzzah! A bit of shopping? I regretfully report that it does close at 11PM—"

"Not for us."

"Oh? Do we have an all-access shopping pass?"

"You could say that."

"Oh, lovely! Does it come with the card? I wish Bloomingdale's had a similar policy."

Coach Brunt cha-chick ed her shotgun. "We're robbin' it, dingus."

"OH! OH dear — I mean, wonderful! Great!"

Gunnar explained, over the music, "Yes. A bit of tomfoolery. You and Brunt are going to go in, smash the display and treat yourselves; then we all drive off with your spoils."

"Me? Why me? Why not — uh — Cleo?"

Cleo plunked a duffel bag onto her lap. "Oh, I've already completed my heist's work. I scheduled it and did costume." She unzipped the bag and withdrew two very vogue black masks. She passed one to Brunt.

"But — but what about the wacky science lady I forgot her name?"

"Oh, Dr. Bellum said she'd rather watch Big Bang Theory than hang out with us," huffed Cleo, helping Roundabout into his mask by force-pulling it over his face.

"Why — this isn't quite so subtle as your regular heists, my friends. I beg to inquire why we don't just buy majority shares of the company and extort its CEO into doubling the prices of the necklaces, while giving us his blood-diamonds, and selling counterfeits — thereby exploiting the 'free' market in our favor, and threatening rival companies with inflation until we can clandestinely merge and monopolize the entire diamond industry?"

"Because I wanna rob a store," said Brunt in her mask.

As they neared the mall, Maelstrom described how he would drop them off a block away, and then pick them up at the storefront, and they'd better get it right or else. Before long, the Lambo screeched to a halt by the sidewalk, but it was going so fast it accidentally totalled the car in front of it.

"Double crime!" exclaimed Brunt with joy. "Come on — finish it off!"

As was tradition, Professor Maelstrom quickly snapped open a ring on his finger containing exactly 1 serving of rhino horn cocaine and snorted it joyfully. "AGH!"

"TRIPLE CRIME!" said Brunt, after which she cocked her shotgun and lept out of the car.

Even after her door slammed shut, the masked Roundabout looked too anxious to move. Like the helpful friends they are, Professor Maelstrom and Cleo chanted in unison, "GO, GO, GO!" and slapped limp wrists against the poor man until he emitted a strange cry, snatched the duffel bag, and scrambled out of the car to join the burlier robber.

Chase was wobbling around the streets, nearly tripping over his own shoes. "FREDERICK?" he called once in a while, waving his glowing phone in the air like the torch of a man stranded on a random island (he would know). A few cars passed by, and he had walked down and across two streets with no sign of the incoming taxicab.

He felt a rush of adrenaline as he saw a red figure in the distance — "La Femme Rouge!" he cried, and ran across the empty, slippery street. But as he neared it, he realized the red figure that stood before him was a British mailbox.

He slumped onto it. "Ohhhh...I'm done for. FREDERICK HELP!!"