another love | spencer reid x reader

fourteen.

recap
reid was shot in the stomach by the unsub and fell unconscious in your arms.

-

You'd been through this before. Funerals. Your parents and sister had had a joint one, and a space was left for you, which you always found rather disturbing.

You were the only one to speak at your family's funeral. You'd been silent all day, as your aunt had helped you prepare. You'd written out your speech on a piece of paper, in case someone needed to take over. And they did, as you broke down halfway through.

You could only hope that that wouldn't happen today.

You'd already had enough anniversaries you dreaded, but here you were landing yourself with five more.

The 2nd of November, the day you met him.

The 31st of December, when you first admitted your feelings for him, and him for you.

The 22nd of March, when you finally got together.

The 9th of April, when he died in your arms.

Finally, the 16th of April, when you would have to stand up in front of a bunch of people you wouldn't know, and talk about your love for him.

You found it somewhat amusing that you could wear the same dress from your family's funeral, as you hadn't grown at all. Your roommate found it depressing, but you were desperate to laugh at something.

Because ever since Spencer had died in your arms, you hadn't felt anything at all.

You cried into his neck for what felt like hours before you felt Hotch lift you off him, and him telling you to let go of him. He was crying too. You'd heard him break the second he walked in.

You didn't know much about how they found you. You didn't want to know, really. All you did know was that Morgan and Hotch were the ones who found you. Morgan had gone straight to Spencer, and Hotch was with you. Everything after that was a blur.

You knew you'd refused to leave him, and you'd gone with him in the ambulance. You were sure the paramedics were annoyed by you, but you didn't care. You needed to be there if he did wake up again, but you knew he wouldn't.

Therefore, you didn't react in any way when the rest of you were sitting in the waiting room for someone to come on. Some doctor had walked in and given his apologies, as they apparently did everything they could. You just sat there, staring at the floor, your leg shaking. You didn't look up to see everyone's reaction, you could hear it. Garcia had been flown to the hospital immediately after hearing and her cries almost ripped the room in half, and you could hear Rossi comforting JJ and Prentiss, while Morgan and Hotch sobbed silently. It was grim.

You couldn't remember much of the rest of the day. You wanted to say you stayed at the hospital, but you weren't sure. You were too scared to ask.

It had now been a week since then, and you were still just as broken. You remembered when you were first dealing with your family's deaths, that you loved the moments in the morning where you woke up and it hadn't clicked yet. It hadn't clicked that they were gone.

And just for three or four seconds, you felt peace.

You couldn't experience that this time, as you weren't even sleeping. Your bed felt so empty without him there. You were used to sleeping without him, but sleeping knowing that he would never be in there with you again, was something you couldn't even begin to wrap your head around, so you chose not to.

You didn't want to deal with any of this.

You shouldn't have had to deal with your boyfriend's death.