Your last Memory/Karlnap/

Chapter 3, Suicide.

TW- Past Suicide events.
-Mentions killing itself
-Cuts
-Deaths

(Sapnap's pov)

Suicide.

A powerful word isn't it.
It's with me now.

I had been you know...
Cutting myself for years now.
Since both of my parents died in a fire.
Back in 2016.

After getting the news I lost myself.
I wished I never heard that.
I wanted to be with my parents.
I knew I couldn't live without them.
But that was back then.

I'm glad that I saved myself after actually trying to kill myself.

I feel better slowly.
I'm slowly recovering from those thoughts.
And now I only get a few thoughts through the years.
2016, 17 and 18 were nonstop.

But even though I'm slowly recovering and not getting many thoughts.
I still have to go to my therapy.
She seems happy about me every time going in because she knew that I was getting a bit better everyday.
But when I first started on therapy, I wouldn't see anyone and it kinda hit her because she likes doing her job and went I don't show up, she thinks it's her fault.
She's one of those people who want to do their job like it was meant to do and if something goes wrong out of the usual then they might blame themselves for it.
But I quickly went into it because I didn't want to live in the pain while I was already going through the pain of my parents being dead.

But annoying enough, I have to take these pills.
Or medication whatever.
I have to take at least one in the morning and one before I go to sleep.
These apparently avoid nightmares and thoughts about suicide.

The recent nightmare I had was about a few weeks ago.
It was just the fire it self that got me.
Like I was just trapped in the fire and then in the fire, there will be all the things that was happening during the incident.
Something that I wouldn't and never want to experience again.
I felt traumatized when I woke up from that.

Because I knew I could've saved my mom.

But I didn't.

I was being a dick and decided to save my own ass.

Regret that.

Everyday.

I talk to Karl everyday before I go to sleep.
Each call lasts 5 hours.
But these types of talks lasts for 8 hours.
Don't care, just that we talk for a long time.
Everytime I could hear Karl write in his journals.
He has really good listening but it's just his memory that is messing up his life.

Laying down in bed while having the led lights on the brick wall and the fake vines hanging, some on my head.
Having the call on my phone, siting next to me.
I didn't hear much of Karl writing.

"Sapnap..."

"Yeah Karl?"

"What do you look like..."

"Why..."

"Because...."

"I want to know..."

"Ok Umm..."

"I'm 5'10."

"Oh you started writing very fast."

"I'm taller."

"What?"

"I'm 5'11"

"No way. Your lying."

"If I was then I'll say something like 6,4."

"Ok fine whatever you say."

"Sap I'm not lying, your just mad."

"Fine fine."

"What else?"

"Light, kinda some bit dark brown hair, dark brown eyes."

(Okay off topic for bit but I been heard that Sapnap has green eyes, I dunno if it's true or not but if he does, he probably have dark green.)
(Also at the same time I think it's a rumor)

"What else?"

"You seems really excited to hear me describe myself just by your writing."

"Yeah.."

"Uhh let's see."

"My body in general is like a big body, but wouldn't call myself fat but I think you get the point."

"Yeah I get it."

"And that's pretty much it, oh and I have facial hair around me, well just a beard."

"Okay.... hold on..."

"Karl what are you doing?"

"Almost there..."

"Karl?"

"Okay I sent you something."

"Oh okay."

"Woah Karl!"

"You like it?"

"H-How though!!? You haven't even seen my face yet!"

"Wait I drew it almost like your face??"

"Well some bits are off but almost!"

"Wait can you send me your face to get a side by side?"

"Yeah hold on!"

I took a quick selfie of myself and sent it to Karl.

"Here you go."

"I- Oh o-okay was close."

"Yeah?"

"H-How is your face like s-so perfect?"

"I dunno I just look at myself and say I look alright and go with it."

"W-woah."

"You okay?"

"Uh yeah!"

"I'm just sleepy."

"Well should I let you sleep?"

"Yeah... I can call you tomorrow."

"I have work tomorrow."

"Well once your out of work."

"Okay."

"Well bye Karl!"

"Bye Sapnap!!"

(Karl's pov)

Oh my god...

I can't have a crush on him...
He's my best friend!

I can't!
I don't even know if he has a crush on me!
No...
I never had this feeling.
I don't know if it's a crush!
Oh god...

I think I like him...

I don't think it's a crush.
I don't even know what is a crush.

Crush- countable ​informala feeling of love and admiration for someone, often someone you know you cannot have a relationship with.

(I'll be doing these types.)
(But with more uncommon words.)

"God, he looks so... beautiful..."

"No Karl what the hell! This is so not like you!"

"But... he ugh stop... just leave me alone..."

"just let me live my life."
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915 Words
A short chapter for today.
Sorry!
Ok that doesn't sound like I'm sorry.
Lol.