Always been you, not me

Chapter 2

Naputol ang mahimbing kong tulog dahil sa lakas ng tunog galing sa alarm clock.

I turned it off half-asleep.

Who would have thought that today would be our first day of class? Mabilis na lumipas ang mga araw at sasabak na naman ako sa walang kamatayang pag-aaral.

I am now a second-year college student. Although I am two years younger than Sophie, I am on the same level as her because I passed the acceleration exam.

I yawned.

Naramdaman kong anytime ay pipikit na naman ang mga mata ko dahil sa antok.

And I have no one to blame but myself. I slept around 2 in the morning because I enjoyed watching my favorite series on Netflix. Here I am now, suffering the consequences of my action.

I looked at the clock and saw I have ten minutes before 6:30. I can still sleep for another minute and not get late, right?

____

"Clev, wake up! We're going to be late!"

I groaned.

"The sky's awake so be awake too," I heard Sophie whispered on my ears.

I immediately woke up when she grabbed my blanket away from me.

I reached for my phone and checked the time.

I slept for more than 10 minutes!
Malapit ng mag alas 7 na oras ng pasok namin.

Lumabas si Sophie at dali-dali naman akong tumungo sa banyo. Ilang minuto lang ang ginugol ko sa pagligo.

 I didn't even scrub!

After that, I rummaged through my closet and scolded myself for not preparing anything I should wear. I have no choice but to pick the clothes the first thing I saw.

Inilagay ko ang mga gamit sa bag at isinuot ang id. Hindi na ako na nakapag-ayos nang maayos, pati nga pagsuklay ng buhok hindi ko na ginawa.

Nang masiguradong dala ko na ang kailangan ko ay agad akong bumaba.

I almost stumbled on the stairs. Mabuti na lang at nakakapit ako sa handrail kung hindi ay baka papasok akong injured.

"Sa cafeteria nalang tayo kakain. We only have 10 minutes before 7."

I looked at her apologetically.

I would forever curse myself because of this. Ayaw pa naman ni Sophie na ma-late especially kapag opening ng klase.

May kasabihan pa namang "First impression lasts".

What if ma-late kami tapos ang pagiging tardy namin ang palaging matandaan ng professor namin. Nadamay ko pa tuloy si Sophie sa kagagawan ko.

"Five minutes," Sophie mumbled.

Nakasakay na kami sa sasakyan at agad itong pinaandar ng driver namin.

"I'm sorry, Pie."

"No, it's okay, Clev. Things like this happened."

She smiled at me genuinely.

I know how she hates to be late at alam ko ring nininerbyos na siya. But she chose to understand me. Kahit hindi valid ang dahilan bakit ako natagalan sa pagbangon. Pwede naman niya akong iwan at hayaang ma-late pero isinabay niya pa rin ako sa kanya.

I should really stop watching Netflix for a while if I don't want this to happen again.

The only good thing is our house's location which is not far from our school. Even restaurants, malls, convenience stores, and pharmacies are only near. Ilang minuto lang ang kakailanganin mo at makakaabot ka na sa gusto mong puntahan.

Huminto ang sinasakyan namin at nauna akong bumaba.

Sophie felt relieved and so did I.

Sabay kaming naglakad papunta sa gate at nakita naming marami na ang mga estudyanteng nasa grounds.

Bumati siya sa guard at tumingin sa akin ng bigla akong magsalita.

"I'm sorry Pie, muntik na tayong ma late dahil natagalan ako sa pagbangon. At ang mas worst pa, hindi pa tayo nakapagbreakfast."

She tapped my head and grinned.

"Para kang sira, alam mo," sabi niya at napatawa na lamang kami sa isa't-isa.

How lucky I am to have her. I always thanked God for giving me a sister like Sophie. She never made me feel alone, even for once. Hindi niya rin ako sinisi sa mga mali ko.

Kahit pakiramdam ko rin minsan na ang lupit ng mundo, dahil sa kanya nakayanan ko ang lahat. Ito rin ang isa sa dahilan kung bakit wala akong masyadong kaibigan.

I don't need one when I have a sister who's beyond just being a sister.

Ang lahat ng atensyon ko ay nakatuon sa kanya at masaya akong gawin iyon.

Speaking of-

Napasampal ako sa aking noo nang may biglang maalala.

"Why? What happened?" takang tanong ng kapatid ko nang makita ang reaksyon ko.

"I forgot to bring your meds. Did you bring it with you?"

Kinuha ko ang cellphone at magtitipa na sana ng mensahe para ipahatid ang gamot ni Sophie, pero pinigilan niya ako.

Napalinga-linga siya sa paligid bago ako sagutin.

"Yes, I did. But please Clev, as much as you can, I want this to keep as a secret."

I creased my forehead. I don't know why she wants it that way.

"Why?"

"I j-just don't want anyone else to know aside from o-our family. I don't want them to treat me differently when they'll going to find out about my condition," she said while looking at the ground.

"What's wrong with your condition? It's not something that can harm them."

"It won't harm them but it's a big thing for me. Ayokong kaawan nila ako. I would only feel horrible. Tama na yong awa na ipinaramdam niyo sa akin," she said softly. " At alam mo ba, sa t'wing mapapatingin ako sa mata mo. Nalulungkot ako. I feel guilty... because I put you in a situation you shouldn't be in."

I saw tears brimming in her eyes.

Seeing my sister like this pained me. Ngayon ko lang siya nakitang ganito. Hindi ako sanay, at hindi ako masasanay.

Napahigpit ang hawak ko sa strap ng bag.

Nabingi ako bigla. Hindi dahil sa ingay ng tawanan at biruan ng paligid, kundi dahil sa tensyong nakapalibot sa aming dalawa.

Ito ang palagi kong iniiwasang mangyari.

To feel guilty about something she doesn't have control of.

"Pie, you know that we don't want you to feel that way," sabi ko sabay hawak sa kamay niya.

At an early age, Sophie was diagnosed with chronic heart disease. It is a condition in which the heart has trouble pumping blood through her body. She suffered so much when she should still be enjoying her childhood life.

That's the main reason why I took up a different course. Gusto ko siyang bantayan at baka bigla-bigla na lang lumala ang kondisyon niya.

Her doctor also advised us not to let her feel too much of an emotion, or else her heart will weaken. It's very dangerous and we can't risk it. Handa naming ibigay ang lahat ng gusto at deserve niya, basta't wag lang siya malagay sa alanganin.

"I feel like I have deprived you of being you,"sabi niya habang tumingala sa langit. As if it's the only way to stop her tears from falling.

Ngumiti siya sa akin, pero hindi ito tulad ng palagi niyang pinapakita. May halo itong lungkot at sakit.

I hold her hand tighter enough not to hurt her.

"If taking my life and happiness is the only thing that can save you, then I'm much willing to do it."

And I wish I have never said that.