Awakenings: Alanna

Breakfast

We were sitting around our kitchen table, eating breakfast. Megan and Estelle were talking about something, I wasn't paying attention. I was browsing Reddit on my phone and laughing internally at stupid gay jokes, when my sister threw a curveball into everything I believed in.

"So Este, how and when did you learn... you know," Megan said to Estelle, thinking I wasn't listening at all, "that you're a lesbian?"

Estelle chuckled, and her laughter was like pretty raindrops falling on fresh spring leaves. I swallowed hard and hoped I wouldn't die coughing right there and then. Estelle. The personification of beauty to me, the woman of my dreams and the object of many, many nights of thoughts of flicking her bean under my covers, was a lesbian like me. I must've gasped, because they both turned to look at me.

"Sorry," Megan said. "I thought she wouldn't hear."

"Don't worry," Estelle said. Her voice was like little birds singing in the spring. It sent electric pulses all around my body. "It's not like I'm keeping it a secret, anyway," she said. She turned to look at me and smirked. "I don't think your sister minds that anyway," she said and giggled.

"Ally?" Megan said. "Nah, no, she doesn't care. She doesn't think about things like that yet at all, she's still young." I tried to smile at her, but I felt my cheeks blush. "She didn't even blink an eye when Matt was here last time. I mean, you'd have to be blind not to drool at him," Megan said, and looked at me. "Nah, she's either too young, or Ace." I just smiled politely at her and tried to keep my face straight. Inside, I was screaming. I glanced at Estelle, who looked at me with a strange smirk on her face.

"Anyway, I don't mind either of you knowing," Estelle said. "I guess I've always known, at some level at least." She suddenly giggled. "I used to have such a crush on you when we were eight or so," she said. Megan took a double-take and her eyes flashed open.

"Me?!" she yelped. "You never said anything!"

"How could I?" Estelle said. "Back then I didn't know what it was, and later, when I understood it better, I was too embarrassed and scared. And then, even later, you went with Joe, and I learned that some people were straight and some were Gay," She looked at Megan and grinned. "Though I don't know. Maybe you're Bi or Pan. I might need to try that out..." she said and laughed.

"Ewww, Este! I'm straight! And also taken!" Megan said.

Estelle laughed a bright and clear laugh, and I shifted nervously on my chair. She was so cute, so goddamn cute, she had no business being that cute. It was unfair how adorable Estelle was. "Don't worry, I won't steal you away from your precious boyfriend, Meg", she said. Then she glanced at me and smirked. "Maybe I'll just steal your sister", she said and winked at me. Oh my god. She knows, she definitely knows. She laughed, Megan ate, and I was having a gay panic attack. Again.