Icarus Reincarnate || The Secret History

one

The one where no one dies but everyone is still flawed to the core.

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It used to amaze me how much Richard Papen cared about the gang of grecophiles. At first, I thought he was scrutinizing them but quickly learned he was gazing at them with interest, yearning almost.

Richard could be considered an acquaintance of mine if you squint. We are both quiet individuals in nature and found ourselves sticking together in the classes we shared to avoid making conversation with more rambunctious classmates. He even tutored me in history some while I helped him in biology. This symbiosis ended when he dropped all of his regular classes to study under the eccentric professor Julian.

I thought he might say something to me, an offhand sorry would have sufficed. It's not like I think he cared for me, but we were nearly friends. He never even mentioned initiation into the interesting group.

One day, I got a particularly hard history assignment. The class is very general but for the life of me, I can never pay attention during the lectures about pedastry and bacchanals. Finally, I worked up the nerve to see Richard once again.

I rapped at his door quickly causing his eyes to widen in confusion. "I wasn't expecting you." He says and opens the door wider regardless. I enter and explain my actions. "I know but I wasn't expecting you either-- to leave me high and dry in history that is." I state with clear sarcasm. "Oh, and calculus." Richard leans against his wall, a bit shocked I cared about his absence.

"Sorry, I didn't realize it mattered much to you. I should have given you notice." I wonder why he thought I wouldn't care. I am quite reserved but he's clearly the only person I've been talking to aside from the various girls who invite everyone on the floor over for movie nights I may or may not attend.

His eyes flicker down to my hands, noticing the papers. "What are those for?" I look at him wearily. "History. You see, we have to write a paper about the Greeks and Romans and compare and contrast the two." Richard looks at me with a disbelieving stare.

"I haven't had an essay prompt that easy since freshmen year of high school. I glower at him. "Well, I've been actively zoning out all teachings about the greeks since I found out women couldn't leave their homes." Richard takes the printed rubric from her hands and sits on his bed. I follow in suit settling in the chair next to his desk turned towards him.

"Every country in the past was sexist, that's no reason for you to fail a paper." I rolled my eyes. "You'd be surprised how progressive some places were, but you've got your head in the ass of anglo-history." Richard falters, unsure if he should talk to a minority about racial matters. I can tell because his eyes slightly widen at the mention of "anglo" and redirect the conversation promptly. I have practice at this.

"Anyways, I am humbly asking you to help me with this paper. And not so humbly demanding help since you disappeared on me." Richard finally cracks a minuscule smile. "I guess I owe this much to you. Meet me at the Greek department's lounge tomorrow at three in room 215. This is only five pages so we'll probably only need to meet twice."

Finally, I smile gratefully. "Thank you, Richard! If you ever need help with--" I try to think of a class I could be useful in but refrain. "--anything I'm just a floor down." I think Richard seems confused at my enthusiasm considering I've never shown much emotion in class. I am essentially a blank slate in class because people often try to attach my character to my race. If I'm sassy it is expected of a black woman, if I'm quiet it's uncommon, but if I'm like a valley girl I'm pretending to be someone I'm not. These are all things people say and I simply don't care if hear it, and no one can have those speculations if I'm a blank slate.

Richard doesn't seem to care much about those things as much as the people we go to school with and it's a bit refreshing.

----

At 3:15 I get to the Greek studies department late with a hot latte slightly burning my hand. Richard is waiting near the front and I greet him with an apology. "Sorry I'm late, personally I've never been to this building." Richard shrugs and puts the papers he was holding down. "I'm not bothered, it isn't my paper."

Richard is a bit more sarcastic than I remember, I make sure to tuck this information in the back of my mind. "Well good, let's start." About an hour later Richard and I have drafted most of the outline and drift in-between casual conversation and productivity when I notice what he's pouring in his cup. My eyebrows rise in surprise.

"Whisky at this hour?" He shrugs, "Things work a bit differently in this building. Others have been drinking since ten." I laugh in disbelief. "Like who?" A voice reaches my ears and I look up at the tall blonde boy I've seen but never spoken to.

"Like me." He says with a shit-eating grin. I've never spoken to Bunny but boy does the tall blond stand out. However, I've made eye contact with him a few times and he makes my skin crawl.

"What do we have here?" Bunny asks in a way that shows he's acknowledging my presence without having to speak to me directly. "We're doing homework. What are you doing here, I thought you would be studying with the twins right about now." Bunny makes himself comfortable.

"We finished early and I came to look for you." The atmosphere grew more uncomfortable by the second and I absentmindedly reached for Richard's cup. "May I?" I ask and he nods. Bunny laughs. "Had I known you've taken up charity in the afternoons I would have brought you a reward."

I take a sip of the whisky and coke and I remember why I prefer vodka and juice. "Are you here to offer you help as well? If not we're rather busy." His eyebrows widen in shock and Richard looks uneasily between us. "Listen bunny, we're finishing up soon. I'll pick you up for the movies at seven, alright?"

Bunny stand up sharply in anger. "Just remember not to affect my reputation with who you decide to be seen hanging out with." I squint my eyes directly at him with annoyance that he won't converse with me head-on. "That's quite unfair, Bunny. Richard has already sacrificed so much of his reputation to be seen with you."

I am normally so good at self-preservation. I take insults with a grain of salt and blend into the background. Bunny Corocan, however, threw me off guard. In the blink of an eye, Bunny stored away and a glob of cigarette tainted spit hit me on the nose accompanied by a slur.

Neither of us spoke. It was so deadly quiet for about thirty seconds when Richard tried to break the silence. "Listen I-" He began uncomfortably and I just fled the room to be able to breathe. This is why I chose to be a blank slate. If enough people started to look my way and chose hate like Bunny had rather than giving me a chance, I'd break. And Bunny-- his glare was filled with so much malice I'm already aware I'll be thinking about the tall blond for a long time. However, I will admit it felt damn good to belittle him a little bit before his exit.

I rush out of the building and knock into someone as I'm leaving, promptly knocking his glasses off. I pick them back up out of instinct. Infront of me is another one of the grecophiles eyes squinting at my tears unsure if he's seeing me right without his glasses. I quickly put the spectacles in his hands and rush of, feeling a calculating gaze on my back.

I shiver. Never again will I enter the greek studies room.