Icarus Reincarnate || The Secret History

five

Upon the return of me and Francis, everyone seemed fairly rigid. It didn't help that I looked at both Francis and Charles wearily every time they came within a foot of me. There was clear suspicion of our trip but no one addressed it since Charles already "explained" our whereabouts.

"Did you get your story finished this weekend?" Henry asks. This was easy to answer because I did. I tell him so. We were all studying in the Greek student lounge so I conveniently had my story with me in my bookbag.

"Sorry if the photocopy is hard to read. I had to turn in the original copy but still need something to look at while my professor is grading the rough drafts. She'd take the whole semester to grade if they allowed her to." Henry grabs the stack and I thought he'd tuck it away but he reads it now and I protest.

"You're going to do that now? in front of me?"

Henry looks at me pointedly. "Is there a reason I shouldn't?"

"It's just a bit nerve-wracking is all. What if you hate it?" Richard sighs. "He's not going to hate it, you're overreacting." He says. I glower at him.

"Well let's say he does." I suggest and Henry answers honestly. "If I hate it, you'll know." I squint my eyes at him but his poker face is so strong I retreat. Bunny laughs genuinely for once in his life and I refrain from sulking.

Every five minutes I glance at Henry's face to see how it's going. His face gives nothing away. In the end, he hands me the stack of papers back and everyone seems interested in his verdict.

"Well? Was it alright?" Charles asks as I thumb through the papers. "Wait you didn't add any notes." I say and I hear Charles make a sound of disbelief. I grow confused as Bunny grabs the stack from my hands. "Hey!" I protest and try to retrieve my work. Henry smiles and a real genuine smile at me.

"There was nothing I could do to make it better." Suddenly everyone is reading my story. I can no longer focus on Biology. It ends up in Richard's hands last. He hands it to me in thought. "Your Greek hell was-- I'm glad you included it." I smile appreciatively. "Thanks, I'd say I'm a bit appreciative of Greek history now." His eyebrows rise. "Really?"

"Well, I still prefer the Tao Te Ching to other religious texts but I sort of understand the allure. They make euphoria sound possible. Attainable."

Henry looks at me. "You don't think it to be attainable?" I shake my head no. "I don't think it should be attainable is more accurate. To be in a state of pure bliss sounds like an illusion and can only be held for so long. Every action has an equal and opposite reaction you know. I just don't think we're meant to survive the fallback of pure bliss."

Henry agrees with me slowly. "I suppose you're right." The atmosphere in the air changes and I realize I'm out of the loop on something once again. I lie about needing to talk to Judy, I never talk to Judy. They allow me to lie regardless and evade the scene.

----

A couple of weeks pass and my blisters heal but whenever I'm near Charles phantom pains of the burn arise. Francis is a bit more complicated. He kissed me again, this time in my room. He knocked on the door and I opened it while half-awake, assuming the face of Camilla or Richard to appear. He surprised me enough to let him in.

"Francis, do you need help with something?" I ask and he takes. Just like he said he would. "As a matter of fact, I do. Would you mind housing me for the night?"

"Oh." I answer, my brain not catching up. "Listen, I don't know. I just have this bed and Richard probably has space so why not-" He smiles tiredly. "Just for tonight, okay?" I stand still as he takes his shoes off and tugs me to bed.

Once again he kissed me deeply. I feel his tongue roll over mine and suddenly I feel warm all over and gasp. I see him grinning and put a forearms distance between us. "Francis. You're freaking me out. I know you don't like me this way so why do you keep coming on to me?" I say trying not to sound like I'm getting aroused.

"Your reactions. They're amusing, invigoration almost. And you're here." His revelation hurts me, I'm beginning to think everyone just sees me as someone to control. An activity for rainy days. "Well, I'd like you to stop. I'm not a toy you can kiss for entertainment in between your actual hookups." Francis looks as though he was expecting it.

"Okay. I hope you know I am serious about staying the night." I sigh. "That's fine, just leave when you wake up please." I turn around but my eyes shoot open wide when an arm shoots around my waist and pulls me closer. "Calm down and go to sleep." He whispers in my ear.

My eyes stay peeled open for several hours, when I wake it feels like I blinked. But I'm quickly pulled out of my stupor when a sharp pain on my neck wakes me. His mouth is one me. Sucking so hard it feels like a vacuum and I groggily try to clear my head.

What right does he have to evade the only space I feel entirely at peace? I go to scream and his hand covers my mouth quickly. "Francis, get out." I hiss through his fingers wishing I never let him in. His hand runs down my waist and he gives me a light kiss on the cheek. "Call it a parting gift." He says casually while putting his shoes on.

He went through so much trouble to heal my blisters that could easily be covered but leaves a disgusting hickey for everyone to see. I suddenly remember how alone I used to be and miss it. I used to choose what to do each and every day without consulting anyone.

I never had to look over my back because no one was watching me.

I decided to skip all of my classes and laid in my bed, rereading The Secret Garden for comfort sake.