Broken Glass

7. Will you answer the question?

16th September 2018

Dear Gin,

I think the first thing to let you know is that I've made the decision to have some sessions with a Mind Healer. I need to address some issues that I have suppressed since I was thirteen years old. Perhaps this is not the way I would have wanted to tell you but, well, you said I need to embrace this side of me. The truth is, I've always been attracted to the same sex. Some awful bullying by Dudley and his friends meant I pushed those feelings away; Petunia and Vernon would never have accepted it and I've always had too much attention in the Wizarding World so coming out was not a prospect I ever wanted to face. I have suppressed those feelings ever since. Please know that I have never regretted a single moment of our time together. You have given me everything, you kept me going when things have been at their worst, you are one of my closest friends, and you have given me the three most precious gems in my life.

It went as well as can be expected with them yesterday. I arranged for a private meeting in Minerva McGonagall's office and I saw her first to let her know what was going on so she could keep an eye on things. James, unsurprisingly, was the most nonchalant about it which means he's burying what he's feeling. In fact, I managed to catch him alone afterwards but I'll come to that in a bit. Al, of course, brought Scorp with him and although upset, seemed utterly unsurprised about the announcement. It was Lils who was most teary but mostly because she thought she would have to choose between us and not see the other parent. It appears this is the case with one of her friends where the divorce has been acrimonious. I made it quite clear that you and I are still friends and we'd never stop any of them staying or visiting or seeing each other or Nanny Molly and Granpee Arty either. I told them that we'd simply grown apart a long time ago but had stayed together because we felt it was the right thing to do. Lils was very adamant about knowing whether we're both happy and I explained we're writing to each other a lot and we've fire-called but you're not back until November. We wanted to tell them in case the news got out and we'll come and see them again together.

It was James who asked me. I don't know what prompted it but he simply said, 'are you gay, dad?' I was so taken aback I just said 'yes' before I had a chance to consider how they might react or even how I might break the news to anyone or even how I felt about saying the words aloud. James just said 'Ace!' It appears it will provide him with great 'street cred' because he's got a gay dad. In case he really needed anymore. Al and Scorp immediately started whispering. Meanwhile, Lils threw herself into my lap and hugged me tightly and she leans back, cups my face, and says 'ignore them, they're just boys. Are you happy, dad? The important thing is you're happy.' She's so grown up, our little girl, and she made me cry my heart out again for about the thousandth time since they got on the Hogwarts Express. I took them for lunch and we spent the afternoon in Hogsmeade where they all battered my wallet, including Scorp, sometimes I swear he's son number four. We chatted and all seemed good. We talked a lot about Grimmauld Place. I moved in yesterday even though it's not finished. I felt like I was imposing on Dray and now Teddy is sorted and back in his digs, I don't mind roughing it for a bit. My room is finished and the bathrooms. The kitchen is on the way, there's a fridge and for the moment I'll survive on takeaways. Anyway, the kids are all excited about choosing their rooms and deciding their décor so they have their own space here as well as at Ottery. I haven't talked about where they will be based beyond that we'll split their time between us. I didn't mention your new job either. I decided they'd had enough to deal with for the moment.

I managed to spend half an hour with James as we walked back to Hogwarts. He's okay, worried about us both and what it means for the future. I made him promise to write about any specific concerns or questions he might have and that the key is we keep talking. I'm going to go back up at the end of the month so we can all talk again.