I was fighting my depression and anxiety for seven years now
And i've had enough
I don't think i can take it anymore
I can't do this at all
The next day
~ BTS pov ~
We knocked the door of V's room
No one replied
We thought he was sleeping since he stays up all night and cry
We can feel he is sad from the feelings he have while singing and while recording our songs
And that hurts us
We really want to help him but all he wants is to be left alone
We live in the same house, so it's rude to leave him like that though
We opened the door gently
But...
Everyone falls to the ground
We were on our knees
We thought it's a prank
V will never do that
HE CAN'T !!!!!
This is impossible
We are in a dream... right ?
We were all crying hard and we felt our heart heavier and heavier when we saw him there...
Resting his head on the table in his room, we thought he was sleeping peacefully ...
Until...
He's covered in blood
BLOOD !
He cut himself yesterday, we didn't save him
He tried dying before by burning himself, but we were there to stop him
And we knew that one day he will succeed in killing himself
But there is a letter...
J-hope... all red from crying... went to touch V's face ... he couldn't believe that V now has no soul... he is not alive anymore ... but he found a letter... wrote by Taehyung... and he burst into tears after he read it loudly...
The letter
Dear hyungs,
I am sorry for not making it today
I am drinking wine, looking' at the sun going up, breathing and smiling my sad smile for the last time
It's hard leaving now but you know what's harder...
Waking up every single day without hope
Looking in the mirror and thinking that you don't deserve to live
You don't deserve to breath
You don't deserve to be treated good
You are not worth it
Everything is waste on you
You're even looking down on yourself now
Trying to tell people but not able to
You just say it will pass but it gets deeper and deeper
At some point, no one could help
It's just a war between both of you
You and your own self
Sometimes you don't even understand your own feelings
You feel like you're in prison inside your body
And you feel insecure
And when you lay in your bed at night
You don't sleep like other people because you can't
At the dark, your brain will start talking nonstop about how bad you were and how bad you are, that you don't deserve to smile, that no one cares about you, and no one will care when you're not here anymore
It's the best opportunity for your brain to make you feel bad about yourself and your own life
And you don't hear silence at night like others, you just hear your damn brain and you can't stop it
You can't shut him
And he can't stop
Nothing works, screaming, crying, hitting...
Nothing worked with me
Biane ( "sorry" in Korean) hyungs
You really wanted to help me
But no one could
Help me from my own self... no you can't
I should help myself
I am the only one who can help me
But it's much harder than what it looks like
I couldn't fit with anything
My job, as one of BTS's member, was my only excuse for staying alive
Because our fans depends on us and trust us
So BTS shouldn't stop when i'm not here
Hyungs... continue to insipre A.R.M.Y
We should make people happy
But i didn't succeed in making my own self happy
I thought it was nothing and i should ignore it
But it got bigger
And this feeling won't go away
I am depressed !
It hurts me too
And sometimes i feel like dying
I hope you understand my situation and don't blame me or hate me
I am sorry if you trusted me while i wasn't ready to be trusted
Now, after i do this, i don't known if i'll feel better or not
Or go to a better place or not
All i know is that, I'm gonna escape from this hell
The hell of hating myself
The hell of living in the dark
The hell of pretending to be happy and acting in front of people
The hell of fooling you hyungs
Now, i am not in my right mind because i'm drunk, but this decision was meant to be taken a long time ago
Sorry for everything
You are all perfect that i don't belong to you
Continue living peacefully
I am crying right now but all i wanted to say before i leave that i love you
I love all of you hyungs
Eat healthy and don't get sick
Continue your career as BTS, that famous K-pop group
And i'll be looking at you all from high in the sky
Thank you for being there for me
Don't cry...
I am in a better place now...
All my love
Taehyung
~ End of the letter ~
Jimin passed out and jk can't stop crying
In fact... we were all crying non stop
We couldn't save our dearest member, our dearest friend
He is dead ...
Rest in peace Taehyung
Hope you feel better now
Now, we will live our entire life blaming ourselves for letting you die
{ suicide don't kill... pain does ! And killing yourself won't make it any better... you are just giving that pain to someone else }
