There he is again. I stand in front of my bedroom window. Watching the love of my life leaving his office. I check across at the clock, knowing without looking it's 6.pm. And I always feel a sense of proudness with myself when i always get the exact time right - for everything with him. What time he leaves work. The exact time he goes out for lunch. What time he arrives.
As usual, he walks, phone in hand. Probably texting his girlfriend. I've never seen a certain girl with him constantly. But look at him - He's pure perfection. It wouldn't surprise me. But i don't know what that would do to me. If i found out he had got a girl already.
I grab my camera from my draws. Snapping a few quick photo's of him while he's occupied - Even though i got a few earlier when he arrived. But i just can't help myself. I don't think i could ever have too many photo's of this guy. The way he walks so carelessly yet strinking, sends tingles down my whole body. Every time i clasp eyes on him i get that feeling. Causing my mind to wonder off to what the feeling would be like to have his skin, touch mine. My body. All over my body.
I hold my hand up, in a silent way to say goodbye to him - Knowing i won't see him again till Monday now. I officially hate weekends. It kills me going a few hours when he's in his office.
My mum's raised voice startles and annoys me. Shouting up with a demand to go to the shop for some more fags. I sigh. Knowing she knows i don't like going out anymore. Not even into the garden. I'm most happiest in here. In my bedroom. In my little space. It's my little bubble. Where I'm happy. Where i can think and believe what i want. I can do what i want. Like make little scenarios up in my head. Mainly about him. I imagine his name is something unusual - like Tobias. So that's the name i give him. I imagine we're going out - together. And we go to mad rave parties. We get a little drunk. In fact, we get wrecked - He's a total bad boy in my mind. We dance. And he's the type of guy that gets jealous if a guy so much as looks at his girl. And to me, that's hot.
"Emma!" I clear my throat suddenly when mum interrupts me again. Trying to rid my wicked thoughts. Making a note in my mind to continue that little story when i get back.
It's starting to get dark out now. And I'm wishing I'd put on a jacket as the cold breeze is getting up. The shop's only a five minute walk so i start to jog it there. To say it's late, the shop's quite busy. Rammed with business looking people. All scattered around the beer isle with it being friday.
I get myself in the queue to be served when a cold chill runs down my spine. Like the saying 'it means someone's just walked over your grave' - It's definitely death/heaven related here, because I'm close to an angel right now... As i turn, to see how big the queue is now behind me. I notice him. Not only notice him. I realise how close he is to me. Stood right behind me. If i lean back slightly i could probably touch him. I'm sure i can smell his scent. I can hear his breathing. So close to the back of my neck. Good god!
I close my eyes. Realising I'm starting to panic. I hold in my breath. Scared I'm either going to scream out in excitement or wimper with emotion.
All the times I've wondered what it'd be like just to stand beside this man. To find out how he smells. So many things to mention. Yet now the time has come, I'm freaking out. I'm a mess.
I quickly jump out of the queue. Deciding it's best if i just wait till he's left. I'm not ready for this yet. This stuff needs to be planned - on my side. Now i know where he comes for his... -- i peek around at him to see what he's holding. As i crouch down at the crisp stand I'm hiding behind -- his fags. I can arrange to "accidentally" bump into him again. That time I will be ready. Prepared to even give him a smile. And that way, i can make sure I'm wearing something better than ripped jeans and my ex boyfriends baggy t-shirt. Jesus. He probably wouldn't even notice me if i stood square in his face and slapped him across the cheek. - I wonder if that shit would turn him on.
I roll my eyes at what I'm wearing again. What if he noticed me stood in front of him and thought i looked disgusting. I mean, I'm dressed like a boy. It wouldn't surprise me if-
"Can i just get-" My head darts up so fast i actually feel as though I've given myself a little whiplash. But i show no expression across my face. I'm trying my hardest not to show fear. Shock. Guilt? I stalk this man for christ sakes. And now he just said four words to me.... He spoke to me. Me! "I need to get past you love" he chuckles at me.
Ah shit. Am i on the floor right now? I feel like I'm sparco on my back. With stars flying above my head. He said Love. Wow! Love. Just that word coming from his mouth. How he said it in his... well, just his accent. I could listen to him say random words all day every day. It's like listening to angels sing.
"Are you okay?" he asks, and even looks amused. Oh, crap. I've still not moved.
"S-soryy!" i go to stand quickly, with wide, shocked, bulging eyes. My shoulder catches the stand at the side of me as i rise to standing. Almost knocking the crisps flying over. We both go to grab the rack at the same time to stop it. Electricity flies through me with an almighty spark as his hand lands on top of mine. I yelp out in shock before completely freaking out... I shake my head. Swallowing hard. Hoping to god he doesn't ask why i just sounded and looked like he'd hit me or scared me.
My body begins to shake. And i know i have to get away right now.
"Matty!" A guy from outside the shop calls to him.
"Yeah. Be out in a sec" he shouts back. But his attention's still on me. He blinks a couple of times "Are you-"
I drop my focus to the floor before making a run for it out of the shop.
What the fuck is wrong with me?...
