I toss and turn in bed. Finally giving in on trying to get some sleep. But desperately needing to, to stop my mind going into over drive about that man, Who i now know is called Matty.
I can't stop the annoyance with myself. The oppertunity was right there, in the palm of my hand to speak to him. To even flash him a damn smile. And i blew it. I chewed it up and threw it in my own face.
God, If he ever see's me again, he'll probably laugh in my face. That or stay away from me because of my freak show. Yeah, who am i kidding? He probably doesn't even remember the whole thing happening, while I'm here mortified. I bet he bumps into girls daily. On numerous occasions. I bet he knows he's a hit with the girls. He's probably used to girls going all gooey and out of control in front of him.
Which makes me question why i have such an obsession on this man. I just don't fucking know. I wish i did. I wish i knew how to control it. But it's there. And it's only getting stronger.
I sit myself up with a grunt. Grabbing my phone, seeing it's just past midnight. I don't even know why I'm trying to sleep so early anyway. I'm never usually in bed before 2.am most nights. But then again, i haven't had a drink tonight. Which is shocking to say it's a friday night - was.
I light a fag up before grabbing my laptop. Curiosity getting the better of me. Like usual. I know i have like a 2 percent chance of finding him on facebook. With only knowing his first name, i know it's likely impossible. But i have to try. Just to see what else i can find out about him. For all i know, we could have loads in common with each other. And then when we finally meet. Properly - because we will. I'll then know what to talk about with him. And hopefully, he'll see and realise we're alike.
Twenty minutes of searching different Matty's in the search bar. I'm almost ready for giving in and calling it a pointless job. But a small square at the bottom of the list sticks out from all the rest. He's there... That's his profile. The picture of him alone, sat with a black opened up shirt, posing the peace sign gets me giddy, an i waste no time clicking on his profile. Taking the fact his picture is him. And him alone. No girls, is a good sign to me. But all too soon as his profile shows up on my screen. I get a quick jab in the chest as his cover photo at the top comes into view... Of him and an extremely - sickly - good looking blonde, clings on to his side. Both smiling. Both holding onto each other. They look close. It kills me to say, but they even look good together. Both flawless with bright white smiles. Why couldn't i have been born into the Kardashian family or something. God. I can never compete with that.
I mentally try calming myself down before i break lose and end up tearing up my room and smashing my laptop up with anger of the image in front of me. This could be his sister. Someone he works with. It could even be just an ex. And he's not had time to change the photo. I mean, I've not changed my cover photo of Harry Styles since i first created my account just over a year ago. Thinking about it now... maybe i should.
Okay. So, I'll just look through his pictures. See if his pictures are tagged. That'll help me figure out exactly who she is. What she does. Why she's in pictures with the guy I'm stupidly. Completely in love with.
A smile takes over my face when i quickly figure most of his pictures are just of him alone or with friends - male friends. Phew! Calm the crazy stalker alert, Emma. - For now anyway.
A good hour later. And with practically no nail left now on my left thumb from biting it away - a bad habit of mine. I think I've seen all i need to. I've checked all his status'. He's actually a really funny guy. See, that's something we have in common. We don't take life too seriously and love a good joke. I've checked through - twice - all 367 pictures of him. And to be honest, I'd say there's only 10 or so of them with the same blonde from his profile. So that's all good, right?
I really have the urge to add him. But that's crazy. No way can i!
A new status from him lights my screen up again....
***Crazy night at Big Bucks with Joel Lee. Adam Hann. Lucas daines. George Daniel. Ross Macdonald. Wreeecked!***
Big Bucks? I know where that is... It's literally a ten minute walk from mine. Okay, calm down Emma!
This has got to mean he lives near by. He's at a club near here. And he works near here. Why do i not yet know where he lives.
Crazy thoughts fly through my mind. But what isn't crazy what i think about. I think about him. That's both crazy altogether and it makes me crazy. Crazy over him.
I can't just turn up to a night club. Alone. Sober. Can i?
He is drunk after all. Maybe he'll be one of these really friendly drunks. Maybe we can just have a flirty dance If he's dancing. I mean, I'm no player. But i know that's how people pull in night clubs. It always comes from dancing together. Then that leads to kissing. Then... No. Stop! I can't be thinking about skin contact again. Not just yet. I swear i can still feel the after shock on my hand that i got from him earlier in the shop.
The thought of it causes me to bite my bottom lip and quickly think of what i can put on. This time they'll be no cringey clothing and certainly no cringey behaviour from me.
I'd already decided i was doing this - going to the club - before i had even realised.
But first. I need wine. Lots of fucking wine to be able to do this. I need all the confidence i can get right now. This is happening. Really happening. I'm going to be at the same place as him. I'm going to do everything in my power to get what i want from him. To just basically have him. I need him. I have to have him. Even if it's only for one night.
I pull out my shortest black dress. Something I've not worn since being with my ex boyfriend over a year ago. I've never had a reason to wear it. But for tonight, it's perfect.
This is happening. It's like a dream. A dream that's just about to come true.
Finally.
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Short update guys. But I'll update again tonight. It's just about to get a whooooooole lot interesting. This is where the fun begins now. I hope the few people who have read it so far, are enjoying it. And hopefully you stick with it. Thanks for the reads / comments and votes so far :) Muchly appreciated. x
