Fallout || Stranger Things [2]

eighteen || lovers and lockers

Crimson fabric slid along Billy's face, startling him awake with a sharp breath in.

     Billy snapped up onto his elbows, blinking in the cold winter light pouring in through the windows. He pulled his hand down his chest, collecting the bunched IU sweater that had tried to strangle him in his sleep. Sighing gently in relief, he ran his knuckles over his eyes.

     Although he'd only been in Washington for a handful of days, he'd slept better there than he ever had at school. He wanted to equate it to not having to worry about assignments or quizzes, but he couldn't dismiss falling asleep with Tatum's sweater since he'd gotten there had something to do with it.

     It had everything to do with it.

     "What do you mean the boxes are still in there? Jordan told you to move them."

     Billy's brows furrowed, sleep slowly draining from him as whispered voices leaked into the guest room from the hallway.

     "I thought Billy might want to look at them."

     "Nina, you shouldn't have done that. He's still having a hard time."

     "And the rest of us aren't?" Nina bit back. "They had something special, Ben. Ignoring her like everyone else here does isn't going to help him."

     "That's not fair."

     "Lots of things aren't fair. We can't even have pictures of her up because we're hiding from the world. That's not fair. I was raised in a lab facility and experimented on before I fell through a hole into another dimension and was left there. That's not fair. But you know what's also not fair? Not getting to think about her without it feeling like I hate myself."

     "Nina-"

     "No, I know you know what I mean," she countered. "We don't look at her pictures and we don't talk about her and it's because we don't talk about her that it hurts more to think about. And when it feels like I'm the only one thinking about her, it makes me feel guilty. I...I barely got to spend any time with her. If she hadn't..."

     Billy carefully slid out of bed, his joggers sending static jolts along the covers. He set down the IU sweater, heart aching more than it usually did in the quiet mornings in his apartment.

     "If she hadn't opened a rift to pull me out-"

     As Billy peeled back the bedroom door with a creak, the other Rivers siblings craned their heads around as if they'd been caught in a drug deal, the two stood at the mouth of the left wing of the second floor.

     "Billy," Ben hesitantly said, "I'm sorry if we woke-"

     He waved a hand mildly, stepping out into the hallway. "I'm not...I was already starting to wake up. I, uh, I really don't mean to overstep, but I think that everyone is dealing with this...differently." He gestured a light thumb over his shoulder. "I'm all right with the boxes. It's been kind of nice to look at her things. And I probably wouldn't have been able to a couple months ago. I don't want you guys to feel like you have to hide her for my own sake."

     Nina folded her arms, bitterness biting at her features. "They don't talk about her even when you're not here. They're just using it as an excuse to cloud their own guilt."

     Ben's shoulders fell. "Nina, that's not true. We can't have photos up in the house but that doesn't mean we don't have them. Jordan's are in his office, Elena has a few at the school and mine are next to my record player. Just because we can't mourn her out loud doesn't mean we choose not to at all."