arms // {phan}

chapter seven - dan

Chapter Seven - Dan:

"Why now?" she asked.

I sat quietly, hands folded in my lap, my shoulders hunched, and head down. I couldn't look her in the eyes.

"Dan, I know you can hear me. You're mute not deaf."

I looked up at her and scowled. Ms. Kelly looked at me with the same blank expression as usual.

Because I've just decided I'm ready now, I signed, petulantly.

She sat back in the plush arm chair she was perched in, recrossed her legs, her lips turned up into a knowing smirk.

"Honey, I've been in the counseling business long enough to know that one doesn't just change their mind on a whim. There's usually a reason behind it."

I turned my face away, and clicked my jaw. I'd spent two years not talking. I wasn't going to start now.

She tapped her pen on her pad of paper she'd been taking notes in for the last forty-five minutes, and sighed deeply.

"Look, Dan..." she started.

Yes Ms. Kelly? I signed.

She smiled half heartedly. "Don't get smart with me, I'm just trying to figure out what's going on with you. It's my job- it's what I'm paid for."

I clicked my jaw again.

"I'm fine with helping you learn to speak again, but in return you've got to start giving me some answers."

I drummed my fingers on my knee cap, debating whether or not it was worth it.

"You could start by telling me why. I feel like you own me at least that much," Ms. Kelly said, leaning forward and uncrossing her legs.

I relented, turning back to look at her. I've met someone, I signed.

She looked at me, her interest sparked. I couldn't tell if she had expected this or not.

They... they're different. They don't mind that I can't talk. But... I trailed off.

"But what?" Ms. Kelly pressed.

I took a deep breath. I have something I want to tell them. But I think it would be better said than signed.

A grin broke out across her face. "Oh? Well this is certainly interesting. Are you in love?"

I ducked my head, a blush spreading across my face. No, no, nothing like that, I signed embarrassed.

Ms. Kelly ignored me. "I was wondering when you were going to tell me about him. Our last few sessions together, you've seemed happier than usual."

Something stuck out in that sentence.

Him?! I signed, alarmed.

She laughed. "Honey, I may not know everything, but I chose this profession for a reason. I'm very good at what I do. That, and I've spent the majority of the past two years with you. Did you really think I wouldn't pick up on the fact that you prefered men?"

I could feel my face become redder as she spoke, my head becoming a tomato on shoulders again.

"But don't worry," she said reassuringly. "Everything in our meetings is confidential."

I nodded, still feeling slightly queasy that she'd known about me for so long.

"I thought you might have closed up more if I had told you I'd known," Ms. Kelly said as if reading my thoughts.

No I understand, I signed.

Ms. Kelly sighed and looked at the clock on the wall behind her. "Our times almost up. I think this is a good place to stop."