The End Of The Road | HEROPHINE

Chapter 15

Hero's Pov:
Whether or not I'm dreaming is unclear. Jo's soft voice is repeating over and over, the walls are closing in and my hands feel so heavy I can't lift them from the ground. Then darkness swaps to light- bright, eye-burning light that distracts me from the noises I was hearing, yet, I'm unsure they were ever happening at all. God, I'm losing my mind.
'Hero, can you hear me?'
I try to speak but nothing comes out. My throat feels as though it is burning, or just extremely dry. I'm not sure. Is the sky red or are my eyes?
'Hero you've had a panic attack and collapsed. My name is Sadie, I'm a paramedic.'
Paramedic? I'm not injured. Am I even awake?
The faint sound of Jo's voice is mixing with Sadie's , if I'm not hallucinating her, too. I'm so worried that soon I'll have forgotten everything about my wife. The way she walks, the way she smiles, the way my heart skips when I see her and the way no other woman is as perfect as she is. It feels like I've gone forever without seeing her. I hope she knows I miss her, I hope she knows I will find her, I have to.
I feel my body being strapped down and not being able to move allows my stress to fly through the roof.. if I was under a roof.
Then, I realise I am. The soft humming sound of an engine fills my ears and a number of medical instruments surround me. I think I must be in an ambulance.

...

I feel a cool hand on my forehead, comforting me. Now it is finally silent, and my thoughts seem to be going by at a normal rate. I feel more rational, more relaxed.
'Hi.' I say, shocked that my voice was able to get out.
Elizabeth smiles at me, which I see through my half-open eyes.
Then I sense another presence in the room and a thermometer is lodged in my mouth.
'His temperature's normal.' The voice says, and I try to open my eyes properly to see what is going on.
'Hi Hero, I'm Lauren and I'm a nurse. Panic attacks aren't always serious but you were blacked out for quite some time. We thought it best to run some tests.'
'Okay.' Is all I manage to respond with and Elizabeth squeezes my hand reassuringly. She really is like my second Mum and I am eternally grateful.
'So we've ruled out any serious problems which may have caused this. It was likely caused by a mix of stress, dehydration and certainly low blood sugar. You've been over-working yourself I'm afraid.' She says, scanning over her clipboard like my life is written on it.
'Oh Hero,' Elizabeth sighs, 'I thought you were looking after yourself.'
'I tried, I promise. I just miss her so much.' I say, and with that I can't help it. Tears fall from my eyes and I feel my cheeks burning pink with embarrassment.
'I'll give you a minute.' Lauren says and exits the room quietly.
'Hero, acting like this isn't going to bring Jo back any quicker. If anything, it'll only make things worse. You have to start treating yourself with some respect. For your wife, and your baby.'
'I know.. I know.' I choke out between cries.
'This is probably a bad time to tell you. But the police called. They're searching the house.'
'Your house?'
'No, Hero, your house.' Elizabeth says in a calm voice.
'What the fuck?'
'They're only trying to find Jo. Just like we are.' She explains, and a small amount of tension inside me dissolves.
'That's not all,' she says, 'this all happened a few hours ago, while you were out at the shop.'
'So it's already done, and I'm only finding out now?' I ask, confused.
'Well, dear. I haven't exactly had the chance to tell you.' She says, gesturing to the hospital gown I'm in and the room around us.
I let out a small laugh.
'Stephen came by earlier, and he dropped this off.' Elizabeth hands me a tattered notebook, or diary, I'm not sure which.
'What.. how?' I can't form a sentence.
'It belongs to Jo. There's nothing in there relating to the case so they handed it to him at the police station when he was there earlier, talking to them about their progress.'
'I've never seen this.' I confess, wiping my eyes clear of any last years.
'I'm going to nip out to get a coffee. Drink your juice, it'll help to get your sugar levels up.' She says, pointing to the carton beside the bed, which I hadn't yet noticed.
With that, Elizabeth leaves the room and I'm left alone with nothing but this piece of Josephine's life. Her mind, her words, her handwriting. With a deep breath I open it to a random page..