Carolina and The Fan Non-fiction | H.S

Thirty-One

"Wh—what?" I spoke. Or at least I think I did.

"Viv. Wake up."

I feel Harry's shoulder and arm again. I also feel my heavy eyelids that are, as it seems, screwed shut. I scrunch and squint. The silent panic in my heart subsides. I feel his hand cup my face, lightly shaking me. I inhale sharply, hoping that my suspicions prove to be true.

For technically what would be the second time, I tear away from his shoulder and scratch my eyes. Slowly, I open them, surprised to find the airplane not in the middle of the clouds or down the ocean like I had thought.

"We're here," Harry further confirmed.

His voice takes my eyes away from the window to him. The panic in my heart subtly restarts as the memory of a kiss replays in my head. The kiss, apparently, anticlimactic in its resolution.

"Wh—"

"It's okay, you fell asleep," he cuts in, playing his role as the verbal one in this conversation. "We're just waiting for someone to get us out of here."

I nod. I rest my back on the seat, still keeping to myself. I try to grasp the illusionary that was the past few minutes. The kiss goes on like an encore. The sensations of it all so tangible I couldn't draw a line between what happened and what was a mere picture of my subconscious.

"Harry?" I finally utter, the pad of my tongue scarce of water. "At what point did I fall asleep?"

"Oh, uh, a few minutes after I let you rest on my shoulder," he answered. I scan his eyes for anything that his answer didn't cover. But he's either deceivingly good or he's just telling the truth.

"Okay."

I dart my eyes over to Jas and Nick who were already on their way to us. They settle on the pseudo-couch facing Harry and I, passing their conversation to us.

"So what's going on over this side?" Nick beams.

Harry and I both chuckle.

"She fell asleep," Harry answered. I feel heat rise up in my face, still picking up ambiguous meanings from him.

"You, Vivien, fell asleep?" Jas asked in disbelief, exaggerated disbelief. She stares at me teasingly, face shaping up into something suggestive.

"And that is... not normal, why?" said Nick.

"I, uh, I don't sleep well travelling. It annoys her that I'm awake for, like, twelve hours of a long trip," I embarrassingly explained. In my defense, "I don't always do that, though. I do snooze over a smooth ride."

"Not to my recollection Viv," Jas insists. I also struggle to find anything less ambiguous in her words. "In less than hour. Impressive."

I see Nick give Harry an expression I couldn't quite read. In turn, it sends a quick nervous shudder through my body. Harry, on the other hand, seems to take it positively? Reacting with a simpering smile. He picks up a packet of sugar from the table and jokingly tosses it to his friend who catches it with a triumphant look.

"Excuse me, Sir, Ma'am," a tall, Abott-like man buzzes in, breaking through our exchange of silly faces. "There's a few paparazzi outside and by the gates so management had to send in a car. It's right down the boarding stairs."

We stand up from our seats and as I was making my plan to stick with Jas for the rest of this trip, Harry announces, "Viv, can you stick with Jas. We'll go ahead and cover the two of you."

I nod. That was my plan anyway because I had a few questions I can only comfortably ask her.

I stand from my seat and beeline for Jas. I look at her wide-eyed, waiting for her to say something, maybe crack a joke about anything shameful I might have done in my sleep. But she only looks back, confused.

"What's that face?"

"I don't know. Do you have nothing to say to me? That I did or?" I vaguely say.

"That you fell asleep?"

"I don't know. Anything I did while asleep? Some weird shit."

"Well," she pauses, genuinely thinking about it, "what's weird is you fell asleep."

"That's it?" I asked again, the surprise in my tone only molding her face into more confusion.

"Why? Should there be more?"

I decided to drop it before she finds my asking more suspicious and presses the matter, "Yeah, no, I mean it's just weird. What I did."

She leans in to whisper, "I don't think he found it weird at all." She directs her eyes to Harry in front of us. I elbow her gently, shushing her. I look to the boys to make sure they did not pick that up.

We get to the door where a guy hands us umbrellas. I could see that the roads aren't dry here but also that it was no longer raining. I assume this would shield us from the onlookers we were informed of. So, as we're going down the stairway, I keep the umbrella right in front of me, hints of flashes poring through it. Jeff and Harry wait at the last step, allowing us to enter first. I drag Jas to the back passenger seat, much to her chagrin.

I'm relieved that once the car starts, the boys discuss about tomorrow and I'm left to my thoughts.

Bottomline, the kiss wasn't real. It was just a dream. Although, it did feel too real. Maybe, it was just the fact that I know how it feels real. Wait—no. I tighten my hand into a fist as a smile almost escapes me. I just barely shake my head to get it out.

But what does that say about me. What is my subconscious up to, deciding I can fall asleep on this man's shoulders and then dream about kissing him? It feels like a mistake, like I'm violating the universe's rule and Jas' too. People come and go.

I pick up my phone, going into private browsing. I look at Jas who was too busy looking around to even notice whatever I'm going to do. I type in what does it mean when you kiss someone in a dream. I click on a website called AuntyFlo, which sounds awkward in context.

"In Freudian terms the dream of "kissing" is part of our "life force" he believed that our dreams demonstrated our inner repressed desires in waking life."

Okay, so maybe I need to get a relationship. I'm just single, that's why. Maybe the repressed desire is to find a relationship. Maybe not with Harry because it's not like that. Maybe someone else.

"To dream that you passionately kiss someone in the dream means that you have a life that cannot possibly make you happy."

But I am happy!

So, I exit the website and choose happiness or denial. Same thing. This website is giving me existential crisis rather than the answers that I already have. The kiss isn't real. It's a dream and is beyond this physical world. The fact that there are articles about means that it's normal and not a big deal. It doesn't have to mean something. What's real, however, is that I'm about to enjoy myself with great music tomorrow and nothing more.

Or maybe my mind was just exhausted by all my worryingand flashed me a controversial dream to wake me up. Surely, it worked. 

a/n: hello lovely people. i am honestly shocked! as a smol writing account i did not expect to check in and see more and more readers. i'm sorry about the wait. i am currently a freshie uni student who got swamped into hectic online class schedule that began last towards the end of last year.

anyway, here's an update. i did see there was a bit of panic over the last chapter and i left u all hanging. sorry about that too. also, thank u so much!!!