the last great american dynasty

hoax

  Betty had driven her car towards Alton Cliff right after the thoughtful service for James to commemorate him was over. She still wondered how an invitation, in black and white, was sent to her doorstep since she thought despite her own feelings, the rest of St. Louis knew how she felt towards James. There was also the fact that she was given looks at the funeral. Some were sympathetic, some were thankful (for unknown reasons), and some of them expressed anger with their facial muscles. There had been whispers before and after the ceremony about her presence, wondering why the woman that had killed him would step foot into the room and become one of the people in the crowd there to celebrate his death.

  She came here to avoid everyone. She didn't want the children to run toward her when she arrived home. She wanted the house to be quiet, which would never be possible. She walked towards the fences and stumbled on her heels, causing her to fall, her arms supporting her were the thing that kept her sitting up, and for the first time since hearing the news of the man's death, tears leaked out of her eyes.

  The smoking gun was right in front of her - James was the one for her. He loved her as she loved him, but he also was a knife, saying things to deliberately add salt to already deep wounds. She constantly asked herself about her ability to sleep at night while constantly wracked by guilt and reliving that particular night with him and the words she had said didn't offer any help. In a way, it made her shoulders feel as though she was carrying the universe on her broken shoulders, especially with the fact that his voice kept on replaying itself like a record player in her mind.

  How nice of the sky to sympathize with me, she ironically thought as she looked up at the grey sky. The smoking gun was there - James was her one and only. The light of her life was gone, blocked out, leaving wild coldness, depression, and anger. Since she heard the news, she had become short-tempered, constantly snapping at others. She hadn't slept and she would just sit on the couch, looking out of the window at... nothing. When dinner came around, she would just sit there, looking at her full plate, and when the children and her husband had finished their meal and left, she would toss hers into the trash and wash their dishes. The piano in the living room remained untouched since the news as well.

  Attending the ceremony today only further solidified her fears of her anger boomeranging her. So she tried standing up and she dug her heels onto the ground, but the fury winds that were blowing the grass wildly into various directions were determined to knock her back onto the ground. It sent her hat flying off her head and floating far away from her, but she didn't care. At this point, the depression and sadness had settled into where she saw no more reasons to live, leaving her screaming at the sky, begging for a reason until her throat started feeling raw.

  To her heart's dismay, her mind brought her back to that night. She had her life planned out for both of them. They both would go to the same university. She would study ballet and music while he would study... whatever he had decided for himself. She would then open her own ballet studio in town, teaching both children and adults about the arts while James would have a job that would stabilize their income, enough for them and their children, but because of his unfaithfulness, those plans could never be executed one way or another, which made them useless. She wondered if he had deceived her so skillfully that he was able to devoid her of her power, her self-sufficiency, and even her legacy. She had hurt herself by hurting the love of her life, and despite her refusal to believe it, it was true.

  Sometimes, the thought of him dismissing their love would haunt her. She remembered him telling her that after their parents separated, he no longer believed in love until he found her. She also remembered holding hands with him as children and saying "love you to the Moon and to Saturn" before heading towards their respective homes. She wanted to trust the words he said - she wanted to trust him. On one hand, she knew that he loved her, despite all the bumps, but On the other hand, she knew that he had no faith that what they had would work, which became the only hoax she believed in.

  The hero role in their story had died, and now, there was no one who would willingly defend her from all evil, save her, and love her, leaving her above the ground to fend for herself as her mind had told her through her clouded thoughts that there was no point in continuing her life.

  The winner would take everything that the loser held dear. She realized that their relationship was never healthy and it would forever be that way. He knew exactly how to break her, and he had succeeded. They had fought over and over again, keeping score on who had hurt the other the most. Even though her external wounds were healed, it never meant that there was no more hurt buried under her skin. The scars that were reopened by him had taken more time to heal and caused more agony than she had ever experienced.

  James was the love of her life, the king of her heart, body, and soul. Now, without a king, the castle exterior had begun to crumble, and the walls of her kingdom were coming undone, adding to the fact that arrows and snakes were shooting and attacking it. No matter the amount of pain she received from James, no matter how flawed their relationship was, she would rather be with James than move on and be with someone else. No one could love her as James did, understand her as Jame did, and know her as James did. Many people in this world had blue eyes, some of them might have more unique ones, but she could recognize James' right away, and she only wanted those.

  She would forever and always deeply love him despite what he did to her. They had become a part of each other's mythologies because they had a love that would last beyond them. She knew that she would never see him ever again, his picture in her memories would be unrecognizable to her over time, but he would be spiritually with her, as she was with him.

  The wind on Alton Cliff had finally knocked her down and she was back on the ground yet again. Her fingers gripped the ground until her skin was starting to break, blood staining the bed where the green grass would receive whatever it needed to thrive and continue to live. With tears continuing to run down her cheek and onto the ground where it was welcomed, she silently sobbed with a bare throat, "I don't want any other shade of blue but yours. I don't want to be sad if it's not being sad with you."

  The sky had responded, a sprinkle of sunlight peeped through the grumpy clouds, but it was blocked by them again after a minute.