Obliviate My Choices {Book 4}

13. Poison in my veins

"No no no no no, this can't be happening no no." I could feel myself slide down the wall, my breathing short and chest tight. No, this wasn't real, I was going to wake up now, this whole evening was a giant nightmare.

I felt Sam's hand on my shoulder but I brushed it off, putting my shaking hands in my hair, pulling at it. No, this wasn't happening. Nobody else was allowed to leave me, no I couldn't go through another death another grieving process.

"Shit, Rory, don't get cocerned about lil ol me," Sam said, though her voice was far away. "Remember, I'm stupid Samantha Lockwood. You hated me two years ago, because I'm a death eater who played with your best friend's emotions. I pretended to date Cameron Wilde because I was afraid to come out, and I didn't kill Mark Oswin when I should have. I'm a piece of shit, remember?"

"S-Shut up!" I sobbed as I felt Sam drape herself on me in a hug to my shaking form. "N-No matter how many mistakes you made in the past, I-I'm still going to miss you, you-you're my best friend."

"And you're mine." Sam said, and she sounded choked up.

We sat there for what seemed like hours, my body still alive with nerves and panic as Sam held me. But eventually I shut my eyes and the panic ended. We still sat there, my breathing heavy and mouth dry from sobs.

"How?"

"How what?" She whispered.

"How are you bloody going to die?" I choked out.

Sam was hesitant, and she let me go, sitting next to me. I hadn't noticed it, but she was much smaller, her knuckles bony and face paler. "In the summer, I found a bunch of poisons I'd created when I was younger. And one of them, when expired could have healing properties. I wanted to heal after... her, so I drunk it."

"So you weren't trying to... you know." I mumbled.

"God no," Sam said, though her voice shook. "But then I'd done enough analysis of the symptoms to know the poison was working. I'm fainting, I'm seeing hallucinations that are egging me on to do things I don't want to to. It's like a demon inside me, turning my eyes red and tearing out my insides..."

I thought of red eyes that sometimes drifited into my dreams, and I felt like a bucket of water had been tossed over me. "You wiped my memories, didn't you?"

Sam gave me a small smile. "I didn't want to, but yes, I did."

My heart was beating rapidly, clockwork turning in my head. What had Sam taken from me? "Can I have them back?"

"No."

"Excuse me?" I shrieked. "You--You take my memories, the one thing I fear most in the world, and then you won't even give me them back?"

"Basically, yeah." Sam said bluntly. "It will hurt you if you learn what I took from you. You're so damn happy now, Rory, and I don't want you relapsing into sadness."

"I'm always bloody hurt, don't you get it?" I laughed. "I lose so many people, they still crawl into my dreams and nightmares and come to mind when I'm writing in class or even eating Breakfast. So nothing, nothing could make me more hurt."

"What I've taken from you might, it will change everything. I have to keep you happy if it's the last thing I do."

"Don't you get it?" I snorted. "You're dying, I'm bloody not going to be happy about it." I pulled at my hair. "First Arthur runs off and now you tell me this... I hate this day so much."

"Don't judge him, he's afraid." Sam said softly. "I don't blame him. I did wonder several times if I was just an experiment for Jia, for her to figure out her sexuality, not because she loved me."