Obliviate My Choices {Book 4}

25. Looking forward

The morning after was the worst.

I woke to a stabbing hangover and dried blood under my nails. After Cole had broken down and Madam Pomfrey order us all out of the hospital wing, we all got terribly drunk on bottles of firewhisky that Ben stole from the kitchens for us.

We'd all been awake until three in the morning, making ridiculous toasts to Dumbledore and Sam (The best toast to Sam being Alia's toast--'To Sam, the hottest lesbian we ever knew or will ever know.') and whispering memories and stories until everybody passed out from exhauastion.

The dorm had an odd silence to it, the other girls keeping their distance as they did their hair for the funeral. All lessons were cancelled, exams postponed and we were all being sent home for the summer.

Pretty much all of the students were attending Dumbledore's funeral before the train home--though several people had left before the funeral, sheparded home by parents. The Patil twins were taken home mere hours after Dumbledore's death, Ben reluctantly went with his Auntie (after telling us where all of his alcohol was stashed).

However, only a handful of us would be attending a private funeral for Sam. It was a relief, as I'm sure Sam would rather a few people who cared about her than hundreds who pretended they knew her.

"Gennie," I lightly proded her, "Come on, you both have to get up."

"Two funerals in one day, it sounds like the start of a bad joke." Gennie said emotionessly, prising herself out of Cole's grip. He'd snuck up to our dorms after we all got pissed, and had hardly spoken since. He made little snuffling noises into the covers as Gennie left. "Come on, sweetie, you have to get up."

Cole mumbled something and pulled the covers over his head. 

Gennie gave me an exhausted look and headed into the bathroom with a box of hair dye. As she busied herself with hair colouring I dressed for the funerals (Sam's would be directly after Dumbledore's).

I'd re-sized one of Alia's many dresses, a ruffled black number which came a couple inches above the knees. Wearing a lot of waterproof mascara and eyeliner with high black heels, I figured Sam would approve. If it was short and dark, it was a perfect outfit to Sam.

"I feel like my head's been split open." Cole grumbled, finally rising from Gennie's bed. His hair was unruly and un-straightened, eyes red and puffy.

"That's probably how Harry feels every day." I said dryly, slipping my wand into the holder on my thigh.

"Funny." Cole said, though he wasn't smiling. He pulled on one of Gennie's second-hand black jumpers and proceeded to put on black converse and jeans. He touched at the heel of the shoe, which had a small star drawn on it. "She bought me these for my thirteenth birthday... Doodled on it as well, telling me to wear them for special occasions."

I said nothing. "This is the second funeral I've got to for one of my best friends.... And there was me thinking six years ago I'd be the first one in the grave..." I gave Cole an alarming look, but he reached out and pat my leg. "Don't worry, I'm not going over the edge again, I just... I can't believe this."

"It's all pretty unreal." I said, feeling the bile from my hangover travel up my throat.

"Why didn't she want me to know?" Cole said, his voice breaking. 

"She figured you were so happy with yourself it would ruin you..." I said softly, sitting on the bed next to him. I picked up Cole's hand and squeezed it. "For the record though, I wanted to tell you."

"Well I'm in a better place now, I'm not going to go nuclear. I mean I still wish I couldn't feel any of this pain or grief and all I want is to see my Sammy again, but... It is what it is."