The Crusader's Eye

Have you ever wanted to know if someone has done something wrong? Like gotten a parking ticket or cheated on their partner? Have you ever wanted to know if they have robbed a bank? Mugged and robbed some poor schmuck? Or if they are a serial killer at large? There is an object that will let you see all that person's wrongdoings. This object is known as The Crusader's Eye.

To obtain this eye, you'll need to enter a parallel dimension. All you'll need to enter this dimension is the mirror in your bathroom. Wait until nightfall. If you try to enter the dimension before sundown, then the ritual won't work. When night comes, go into your bathroom and stare into the mirror. Keep staring into the mirror until the lightbulbs flicker, hum, and burn out. Darkness fills the room. Keep staring. Bright white light pierces the darkness, blinds you, then dims, replacing your reflection with black hypnotic spirals.

This is your last chance. If you want to abort the ritual, flick the light switch up. Everything will return to normal. However, if you want to know a person's wrongdoings, climb onto the cabinet and walk through the mirror. The mirror ripples and warbles as you stretch your arm inside. As you step inside, the mirror shatters into a million pieces. As you walk through the mirror, you're greeted by a cold, grainy world seen in black, white, and greyscale. A giant castle looms before you, a black silhouette against an empty whiteout sky. Bloody rain and babies clang and jangle the castle's corrugated roofs. Black lighting grazes the keep, and thunder threatens to pound the castle into a pancake. The din of war, flies, and concentration camps wail within gusts of wind, carrying the fumes of rusted iron, scorched flesh, gunpowder, feces, and bitter almonds.

Walk towards the gatehouse. When you reach the wicket gate, knock on the door with the lion door knocker. The doors creak open, revealing a teutonic and herculean knight, with an iron cross seared onto its chest plate. It wields a Viking sword in its left hand, and a scarlet shield emblazoned with a swastika in its right.

The knight will disappear as soon as he appeared. Charge into the bailey and search the great hall, dungeon, and keep. You'll want to find it before it finds you. If you encounter it first, it will give you the eye. If it finds you first... Game over. When you find it, tackle it to the ground and bark, "Einreichen!" When the knight nods, let it get up. You don't want to receive a flesh wound. If the knight stands up, stretches its arm upwards, and growls, "Heil, mein führer!" then you have won. If it just stands... Then you aren't worthy to receive this gift.

When the knight finishes its salute, ask for the crusader's eye. The knight will remove its helmet, revealing a man with fair skin, light blonde hair, and pale blue eyes. He will then take a dagger and cut out one of his eyes. Stretch out your hand and open your palm. The knight will place his eye in your hand. The knight will walk away, having finally found a harbinger. The eye will look directly at you. Close your other hand into a fist, raise it, and scream, "Sieg Heil!"

You'll wake up in bed, safe and sound. You won't notice any immediate changes, but certain individuals will stand out over the coming weeks. They'll appear makeshift from black and white clay, with stripes like a zebra. They'll blunder and saunter like zombies. They'll appear bigger and taller than normal people. The bigger and taller they are, the more wrongdoings they or their ancestors have committed against the Third Reich. If you don't start killing these zebra-skinned golems soon, and help bring forth the coming of the fourth Reich, then The Crusader will take his eye back. Don't look a gift horse in the mouth.