by the sidelines • haechan

nineteen

The three of us sat on the kerb outside of the training centre, sipping our energy drinks as the sun dusked upon us. What felt like a few minutes of training turned out to be a few hours, and before we knew it, it was already 6 pm. If it wasn't for the receptionist, we could've stayed until midnight.

"Ah, that was a refreshing training," Haknyeon exhaled as he gazed up at the sky, "It wasn't so bad, was it?"

He turned to me as I fiddled with my canned drink. "Yeah, I guess so."

And it was true. As much as I hate to admit it, it was indeed a productive day, although I probably won't be able to feel my legs tomorrow. Both of them actually make great coaches in different ways, although one of them still needed to work on his words.

"You seem less troubled now too," he continued, and I was just about to answer when someone else did.

"You know it's the only way I can cool off," Donghyuck sighed, "He can't leave me alone these days, so I have to get away from it somehow."

It seemed like they have forgotten I was there because their conversation continued heartily as I listened to them quietly.

"I thought he retired, why is he still making you do his dirty work?"

"Right? I don't know why I'm still put off by his words even though I know I'm much better than him by now."

"It's only natural. What son doesn't want their father's acknowledgement?"

It was as if their conversation was halted by that statement, because the air suddenly grew heavily silent as Donghyuck lowered his head, squeezing his finished canned drink until it crushed. My existence seemed to finally enter their world as Haknyeon turned to me with a hint of realisation.

"Ah, sorry for excluding you from our conversation, I was a little carried away," he apologised sheepishly while I shook it off. "It's okay, I'm just an outsider anyway."

I didn't expect that last part to exit my mouth, but it was already too late as both of them turned their attention to me.

"What do you mean? You're part of us now, remember?" Haknyeon reminded me through laughter, but that just made me feel worse. The fact that I would only be here during summer break made my stomach churn with guilt. Donghyuck probably knew that, because a smirk formed across his face just as his friend said that.

"If you don't feel included enough, we can throw a welcoming party for you, right?"

The latter announced as he nudged his friend, who was rather disturbed by his odd request. Even I thought that was absurd.

"That's okay, I'm more comfortable with the way it is now," I trailed off and looked off into the distance, avoiding his concerned eyes. Yeah, no need to get too close.

Haknyeon opened his mouth to say something again, but a ringing sound interrupted him as he dug his pocket for his phone.

"Sorry, gotta take this." He stood up and walked in front, leaving just the two of us yet again. It was silent, but I prefer it like this than to hear another of his taunting comments.

"An outsider, huh?" He started after a while, "Is that how you see yourself?"

Oh no, here it goes again.

"I know you prefer it that way, so just admit it," I answered in short, but was greeted with laughter instead.

"So you're distancing yourself because of me? Man, you've got to learn how to take things with a grain of salt," he lectured, spinning his crushed can between his fingers, "You've been spoonfed too much."