silver lighter

“23.03.2022. Today it’s my 11th birthday, it is also my 54th birthday. The second one is less relevant nowadays, it is actually better if it goes unnoticed. Eleven years inside this rotten prison, half of my sentence. The happiest years of my life.”

Maca found that half burnt paper near the toilets and it caught her attention, she wanted to know who wrote that, and why burn it. She wondered who could know who it belonged to. Her first option was Alba, she always knew the rumours going around prison but she unfortunately didn’t know who the author was. Alba told her to ask Zulema, she knew everything that happened inside those walls.

Maca spent the whole afternoon building the courage to talk to Zulema, since she was the most respected inmate and she didn’t like to be bothered

-         What do you want blondie? – Maca froze when she heard those words coming from Zulema’s cell. – If you keep on walking around like a lost baby you’re going to make a hole on the floor. Come in here already.

Maca felt ashamed, she didn’t even think of the fact that Zulema would notice her but her curiosity was bigger than her shame and she entered the cell looking at the floor.

-         What do you want blondie?

-         Its just that I found this paper and it intrigued me, I want to know who it belongs to and Alba told me you'd know. – Macarena let the words get out of her mouth not realizing that she was actually talking so fast that was stumbling over her own words.

-         Soledad Nuñes. – Zulema said right after taking the paper from Macarena’s hand. – It’s a ritual, I think. It happens everyday, she burns a paper by the toilets and then flushes them down. Look, I’ve been in and out of this prison for almost 20 years now. Everyone asks me to make them favours, whether keep their things in here because the guards won’t dare do search my cell or to help them bring something inside. Eleven years ago Sole asked me to bring this inside. – Zulema said, showing Maca a silver lighter that was hidden in her bunk. – And for eleven years she has been coming here every night for it and goes burn some paper.

-         Why? – Macarena asked since her curiosity grew even more after listening to what Zulema had just told her.

-         Does it look like I care? I keep the lighter, she gives me cigarettes. Simple and enough. If you are so curious, go ask her yourself. – Zulema answered while leaving the cell.

Making her way to her own cell Macarena couldn’t stop thinking about Sole. She shared cell with her and even though it was only her first week in prison, she never noticed the older woman leaving the cell in the middle of the night.

Ever since Macarena arrived in prison and was sent to Sole’s cell, she has been friendly towards her. Sole had even given her some advices in her first night. Taking that in consideration, Macarena thought that asking Soledad about the paper wouldn’t be a problem. After all, if the woman felt like not telling her, she would accept it and forget everything.

It was already the middle of the night and Macarena couldn’t sleep, she hadn’t had the courage and she couldn’t sleep because she was anxious. The cell was silent and Maca thought that everyone was asleep until she heard a noise. She rolled to the other side and saw Soledad leaving her bunk and then the cell. So it was true, she really left every night.

After a minute of pondering, she came to the conclusion that this was the best moment to talk to Sole. She went to the toilets and found Soledad burning the paper. She stood there and watched how the older woman held the lighter between her hands and said what it looked like a prayer.

-         Hey Sole, is everything alright? – Macarena asked and she saw that the older one was crying.

-         Hello Chiquita, everything’s perfect, what are you doing here so late? You know you cannot leave the cell after midnight.

-         I know, but you’re here as well. – Soledad only smiled and sat on the bench near the showers.

-         Ask away my darling, what’s bugging you?

Macarena hesitantly took the burnt paper from her back pocket and gave it to the other woman. She saw how Sole smiled and the paper and nodded to her, in a way to tell her to proceed and ask what she wanted to ask.

-         Well… I know you told me that I should never dig on other people’s stuff because it could bring me trouble, but I found this and the curiosity was stronger than me. I asked some people if they knew to whom this belonged but nobody did. Then Alba told me to ask Zulema, I did and she told me about the lighter and your everyday thing. I wanted to ask you sooner but I couldn’t find the courage so when I  saw you leave the cell I came to see you as an impulse. And well, here we are. I just wanted to know why you do it religiously everyday. Does it have a meaning? Am I asking too much? I’m sorry I shouldn’t have come.

-         It’s okay, calm down. – Sole said smiling. – I will tell you why. Eleven years ago was my sentence and that day was the day I felt more justice in my entire life. I was sentenced 22 years for murder.

-         Murder? How can you be a murderer if you’re de sweetest person I’ve met in this place? – Macarena was chocked.

-         I killed my husband, and that was the best thing I did. I was married for 12 years and during that time I was abused. My husband was an alcoholic and there was not a week where he wouldn’t beat me, rape me or mistreat me. I tried to stop him, telling my family and even trying to go to court but nobody believed me because everybody saw him as a perfect man. Always smiling and helping other people while, inside the walls of our house, he was a monster. One day I went home after taking care of my mother and found him in our bed with my best friend. She ran away and he stayed in bed as if nothing had happened. After asking him why he did that, he said that I deserved it because I wasn’t a good wife. In an impulsive act I poured gas all over him and with this lighter I set him on fire. I stood there watching him suffer and listening to him screaming in pain. Instead of regret I felt at peace because I would finally stop being mistreated and the world would have one less monster in it.

Macarena was perplexed, she would’ve never imagine that her sweet cellmate would be able to do that. She was also surprised with herself for not being able to judge her and actually feeling proud of her for being brave enough to end with her suffer.

-         That my sweetheart is why I keep this lighter after all this years. This little piece of silver is the reason why I am finally free. Because yes, here in this prison, I finally feel free. I will keep it with me until the day I die.

-         I don’t know why but it all makes sense. – Macarena told Sole with tears in her eyes. – You are the bravest woman I know. I’m sorry you had to go through all that, you deserve to be happy. But there’s one thing that I still don’t get, why do you burn you diary?

-         For the smell darling, it brings me good memories. Let's go to sleep. – Sole put her arm over Macarena’s shoulders and they went to their cell. Soledad smiling and Macarena crying.

Never did the blonde girl thought that she would feel safe and comfortable in the arms of a cold blood murderer.