A Long Awaited Love

Coffee Dates and Talks With Friends

Reagan is already there when I arrive. My stomach is doing backflips, I've never been so nervous for anything before. What if this date is real? What if I am really gay? 

I sit down across from her. She smiles. 

"Hey," I say. 

"Are you gay?" she blurts out. She immediatley covers her mouth and shakes her head. "I'm so sorry! That was rude of me!" 

I laugh. "No it wasn't rude." 

We sit in awkward silence. 

"Wait, was that a yes or a no?" Reagan asks. I sigh.

"I'm not sure." Reagan gives me a puzzled look. 

"You're not sure? What the hell does that mean?" 

I sit back and close my eyes. 

"I used to not think about dating at all. And then my best friend got a boyfriend and I was suddenly all alone on Friday nights, and I realized that I should be dating too. So my friend Shane took me to that club to try to hook me up with a guy. But I didn't like any of the guys. And I realized I've never had a crush on a guy before, and I'm 16. My hormones should be raging. I should be obsessing over Channing Tatum or Zac Efron. And then I saw you and I thought you were funny and cute and then the thought of me maybe being gay flashed into my mind and I got scared. So I called you. To maybe see if I had feelings for you. And if I do, then I'm gay," I say. I open my eyes. Reagan is staring at me, and I'm not sure if that's a good or bad thing. 

She reaches across the table and takes my hand. "It's ok to be confused. It truly is confusing and scary. I'm proud that you're trying to figure it out this early. I tried to bury my feelings, until finally one day in college I just gave up and decided to deal with it. It takes time to cope with these things." 

I feel tears forming in my eyes. "If I really am gay, then it will change everything. I'll be looked at differently. My Mom will probably hate me. My best friend might look at me weird. My life will completely change," I say. 

Reagan nods. "Your life will change. But if the people you used to call friends treat you any differently for it, then they weren't truly your friends." 

"I just can't ever picturing my best friend not being there. We've done everything together," I say, a tear rolling down my cheek. "I can't..." I say, getting up and running outside. 

It's warm and the sunlight makes me squint. I hear footsteps behind me and turn to see Reagan. 

"It's ok f you're not sure yet. Take some time to figure things out. And when you're ready, you have my number," she says. 

"You're really nice, I'm sorry for asking you on a date and then being so emotional." 

"I didn't mind," she says, walking towards me. "Would it be really wrong to try to kiss you right now?" She asks. 

I stare at her, feeling so many different feelings at once. 

"Kiss me," I say, answering her question. 

Her lips land on mine. They're soft and warm. It's a quick kiss, and when she pulls away, I smile. 

"That was so gay," I say. Reagan laughs. 

"Just a little." 

"I'll call you," I say, turning to leave.

I feel her watching me as I go. 

**********

I walk into my room to see Karma sitting on my bed. It startles me, and I jump. 

"What the hell, you scared me!" I say.