A Long Awaited Love

Lauren's Help

I don't remember falling asleep, but before I know it, sunlight is streaming through the windows, forcing my eyes open. 

I sit up and look around at Karma's bedroom. The empty vodka bottle lay in the corner of the room, surrounded by an array of candles. Blankets are strewn across the floor, as well as various articles of clothing. Lying on the floor about ten feet away from me is a drooling Karma, still in donut PJs and hair in a sloppy bun. 

My head is pounding as I use all my energy  to stand up. Even though I drank more alcohol than I ever have in my life, I can remember the whole night clearly, and that scares me. 

I don't want to remember what happened. 

I don't want to have to talk about that and what it means. 

I hear Karma's breathing change and look down at her. She stretches and then opens her eyes, smiling. 

"Time for school already?" she cheerily asks. 

I give her a strange look. She's acting completely normal. Almost too normal. 

Does she not remember the night before? Does she not remember pushing me onto the floor while sticking her tongue down my throat? Does she not remember guzzling from a toxic bottle of burning liquid? 

Deep down, I sort of hope it meant something. Even drunk, that kiss was passionate. Drunk people make out all the time, but not with that much force and emotion. Not with that much hunger. 

Karma stands up and walks over to her closet to get out her clothes. Like nothing even happened. 

"You might want to get dressed soon. We woke up kind of late," she says, still sounding oddly calm. I'm at a loss for words. What do I say at a time like this? What do I say when my lips still taste like her? 

Karma pulls out a pair of skinny jeans and a flowy white lace top. She pulls off her PJ shirt, once again unfazed by my presence. 

The room feels really hot, like it does outside before a rainstorm, all humid and moist. I don't even realize that I'm staring at Karma and holding my breath until she snaps her fingers in front of my face. 

"Hello? Earth to Amy! Chop, chop, we have to leave soon!" I snap out of my daze and fake smile at her. "What's your deal this morning?" she asks. 

"What's my deal? What's your deal?" I retort, as Karma throws me clothes. 

"What do you mean? I'm not the one all silent and depressed!" Karma spits. 

"Well, that's kind of weird! You should be silent and depressed! Don't you remember what happened? Last night? Being all cheery and giggly is not how I choose to cope with things like that!" I shout. 

Karma's face clouds and she steps towards me. For a moment I think she's going to kiss me again, that's how close she gets. I can smell her morning breath. Karma has always had a gift of not having hideously disgusting morning breath. She narrows her eyes and clenches her jaw. 

"Nothing happened last night. Got it?"

The words hurt, for different reasons. Does she feel ashamed to have kissed me? Or was I just a bad kisser? Why doesn't she want to talk about it? 

"Got it," I say, my heart breaking with each syllable. 

Karma turns around and starts stuffing papers into her backpack. 

"Hurry up. We'll miss the bus." 

**********

As soon as we get to school, Karma rushes off to find Liam, and I'm left alone. 

I miss her. 

Yeah, we just hung out last night, but I miss the real her. The her that binge eats a box of cookies not caring if she'll gain a pound. The her that just wants to curl up in blankets and watch romantic comedies. The her that doesn't go around getting drunk and kissing people. 

When did everything start to feel so grown up? 

"Hey, hey, hey, how was the date with Karma?" Shane asks, bounding over. 

"It wasn't a date," I spit. 

"Jeez, I know, I was joking," he says.

"Well, don't joke like that," I say, walking away from him. 

He follows me. 

"What the hell is your problem?" he asks. I don't answer him. "Amy? What the hell is wrong with you?" I still don't speak, sort of pissed off at the world. "Amy, answer me!" 

I stop in my tracks and spin around to face him. 

"We kissed!" 

**********

Karma has been avoiding me all day. She seems extra lovey dovey with Liam, holding his hand and kissing him before going into class. It angers me, seeing them make out in front of me, but it angers me even more that she won't even talk to me. 

My phone rings at lunch and it's Reagan. I feel so bad. I feel like I betrayed her. I basically cheated on her. 

Too ridden with guilt, I let it go to voicemail. 

I see Karma in line and bound over. We need to straighten this out. I can't live like this. I can't feel guilty and I can't have my best friend ignoring me. 

"Karma, we need to talk," I say. 

She doesn't look over at me. "There's nothing to discuss," she says, putting a milk on her tray. 

"Um, yes there is. There's lots to discuss. Please just talk with me for five minutes," I beg. Karma doesn't reply. "Karma, please, you're my best friend." 

"I'll have a peanut butter cookie," she says to the lunch lady. 

"Karms, you know I'm allergic," I say. 

She looks up at me. "Exactly," she says, taking a bite and storming off. 

**********

"You kissed Karma!" Lauren shouts, thoroughly shocked. 

I had to tell her. One, because she would've found out from Shane eventually anyways, and two, because she's sort of my sister and I needed to talk to someone about it. 

I cup my hand over her mouth, looking around the courtyard to see if anyone overheard. 

"Yeah, I'm not telling you so you can run off and tell my mom or so you can spread some crazy rumor, I actually need your advice," I say. I know I'm desperate when I go to Lauren for advice. 

"You need my advice? Trust me, I could spend all day helping you with manicures or boy troubles, but when it comes to lesbian kissing, I'm not your girl," Lauren spits, turning to walk off. I grab her wrist and spin her back around, anger in my eyes. 

"Lauren, I'm not in the mood for your sass! Just please, drop the evil stepsister act and help me for two minutes, and then I promise you can go back to hating my guts!" I snap. Lauren looks genuinely scared. All she does is nod. "Okay, good, just listen. She kissed me, in her drunken state of mind, and every time I try to talk to her about it she ignores me and walks away. I don't know what to do Lauren, I just want my best friend back," I say. I can feel my eyes starting to water. Lauren sighs. 

"What you and Karma have is special. I wish I had a best friend that I did everything with. I've been sort of envious of you and her ever since I moved here. If you want answers out of her, you've come to the right person. I can talk to Shane and get him to help me as well. We're the best at getting people to out themselves," Lauren says. I smile and give Lauren a hug. "Ew, god, no," she says pushing me off. "I'm helping you because I like being nosy and finding out people's secrets, not because you've grown on me. There will be no hugging." I laugh. 

"Okay, got it, no hugging." 

"From now on, I am in charge of this secret spilling mission," Lauren says. 

"Aye aye captain!" I joke. She growls and flicks me the middle finger before she walks off.