Home- Calzona

Communication

Arizona's POV:

Callie finally pulls away & I smile at her.

"Feel better?" I say rubbing her shoulders. She chuckles sadly. "I feel a lot better. Thank you." She says avoiding eye contact with me.

I go over to the table & grab a napkin going back over to her.

"Look up." I tell Callie. "Your mascara is running." I say smiling & she looks up.

I gently pat under her eyes with the napkin. "Do you- maybe wanna... talk about it?" I say gently wiping the black streaks that had formed on her face.

She sighs. "Maybe later. Right now I just- I can't."

I smile at her and stop patting her eyes.

"There. Perfect like always." I say as I throw away the napkin & walk back over to her.

"We don't have to talk about it. I just want you to know that I'm here if you need someone to talk too." I say smiling at her.

Whatever it is, it's bothering her enough too break down. I don't want to push the subject any more than I need too so I just smile.

"I know Arizona. Thank you, really you..." she sighs "You really do help." She chuckles sadly.

I grab my charts & stand in front of her again.

"I'm good that way." I smile & kiss her forehead. Every time she looks at the floor or gets embarrassed for getting emotional I always do that. Just to let her know it's okay.

I walk towards the door.

"I'll get Sofia & we'll see you at home." I say, but then I turn around smiling "Oh, &..." I pull my mascara out of my pocket tossing it too her. "I always carry it on me. You never know what will happen." I chuckle.

Callie's POV:

I catch the mascara and look down at it in my hands as she talks. I then look up at her & smile. "Thank you." She winks and leaves.

I sigh.

Damnit. It wasn't supposed to be this way. I was supposed to come back for Sofia's sake. So she could see her mom & her friends. So I could feel at home again. I was worried about this whole situation- about how Arizona would react to me being back. Worried about how I would look at her everyday knowing what she did too me- the fury I thought I was going to have felt unbearable. But, since I've been here... I haven't been able to see the Arizona who cheated on me or got pissed that I chopped her leg off. I haven't been able to see the Arizona who left me at the airport. All I can see is the Arizona who kissed me in a bar bathroom. All I can see is the Arizona who takes care of our daughter, of me, of everyone. All I can see is Arizona, the woman who holds me as I cry into her shoulders & no matter how bad she wants to know what's wrong... she won't push the situation because she doesn't want me to get uncomfortable. Instead of fury & hatred towards the woman I once called my wife... all I can feel is nostalgia for the woman I once layed next to in bed every night saying I love you. All I can feel is painful hope. This burning sensation in my chest- I just want to tell her I love you before she falls asleep once more. To hold her. Because you never know it's the last time until it's too late.

-a few hours later-

Arizona's POV:

I'm sitting on the couch watching Criminal Minds when Callie walks through the door.

"Hey" she says sitting her stuff down & taking off her jackets.

I look back at her.

"Hi." I say smiling. "Sofia wanted pizza so we ordered in. It's on the counter." I say. "I got you a cheese pizza since I know you don't like pepperoni." I say to her as she walks to the counter. "Sofia brushed her teeth & we read some story, honestly I don't even remember what it was about." I say chuckling turning my head back to the TV. She sits next to me on the couch with her pizza. "God JJ is so hot." She says watching the scene & I look at her smiling. "I've got a thing for Prentiss" I chuckle glancing over at her. She laughs. "I hate to say it, but I think I have a type she says." I put my hand up for a high five. "And I stick by that everyday." I say laughing as she high fives me. We sit there watching the scene for a moment.

"They're definitely lesbians." We say in sync as we laugh.

Callie's POV:

After a while we get ready for bed. My clothes smell like lavender. Arizona's signature scent. She always loved the lavender laundry detergent, but I hated it.

Secretly- I kind of missed it. Now that I smell it again, all I can think about is her. Anything lavender reminds me of her.

Arizona has her door open & I walk in going to tell her goodnight, but she was changing her shirt.

She didn't notice me at first which is honestly a good thing considering I was staring at her.

She pulls her hair out of her shirt & pulls it down as she notices me there.

"Oh- hey Calliope." She says smiling & grabbing her clothes putting them in her dirty clothes hamper.

"Hey, I was just- coming to say goodnight." I say clearing my throat trying to rid myself of the thoughts flooding my head.

She comes out of the bathroom brushing her teeth with one arm & removing makeup with another. She smiles at me, & I know she wants to reply, but this indicates she can't.

She goes to the bathroom & spits out her toothpaste, throwing away her makeup wipe, & coming back to her bedside drawer where her moisturizer was. She begins rubbing it on her arms that were uncovered because she was in a tank top.

Arizona's POV:

I look over at Callie who is still smiling at me. "Goodnight Calliope." I say, but I can tell something is up when she doesn't move from the doorway.

"What's up?" I say wondering what's bugging her. "Does it have to do with why you were crying earlier?" I ask.

She sighs & comes into my room sitting on my bed. I still stand there rubbing lotion on my arms & face waiting for her response.

"When did your panic attacks start?" She asks almost afraid of my response.

How did she know?

I'm caught a little off guard. "I- umm..."

"Mark told me Arizona. All of it. I'm pretty sure he didn't mean too. I think he thought you had already told me." She says looking at me her eyes full of pity.

"A couple years ago." I try not to indicate it was after she left, so I turn my back to her putting away my stuff in a drawer.

"Why didn't you tell me Arizona?" She says.

"You weren't here &- it's really not that big of a deal." I say shrugging with my back still turned.

"Don't do that to yourself Arizona. It is obviously a big deal- especially if you went to psych." she says.

I instantly freeze. One of the only things I didn't want Callie to ever find out about me was that. I sigh.

"It's because of me wasn't it?" She asks & I instantly turn around.

"What? Of course not." I say walking over to her. "Is that why you were crying? You- you thought this was your fault?" I asked now feeling guilty for ever making her think she caused this.

"It happened after I left- all of it &... you just- you've seemed so exhausted since me & Sofia got here..." she starts rambling so I grab her face with my hands.

"Calliope none of this was your fault. Okay? I don't want you to ever blame yourself for anything that has happened between us. Especially the things you can't control." I say looking into her eyes. "My love, none of this was your fault. Never has been. Never will be. I promise."

Callie's POV:

I hug her.

"Okay Arizona." I sigh then pull away.

"Wanna sleep here tonight?" She asks. Sometimes I feel like she is in my head & knows exactly what I need before I even know sometimes.

I smile.

"That would be great." She smiles & turns off the lamp as we both lay down.

She grabs my hand holding it. I think she is trying to be supportive. And I'm not complaining. Because I have this instant feeling in the pit of my stomach. The feeling makes me a little nervous, but I smile.

Arizona's POV:

And until we held hands as we fell asleep. Just like we used too many years ago.