Works in Progress

Wait For Me - Part 1

Calum isn’t oblivious. How could he be after months and months of feeling those eyes on him, watching him, guarding him, glaring down anyone who dared to come too close?

At first, he thought Luke was just protective over his band-mates. So it was disconcerting when he realized he was the onlyrecipient of such intense scrutiny. Michael and Ashton were never studied so closely, never guarded so jealously.

In the very early stages, he considered confronting Luke about his shameless staring. He was angry. At Luke for doing the staring. And also himself for the confusion churning around in his stomach in response.

So he had taken to glaring at Luke when he caught those eyes on him. The cameras captured one of those early moments. They were in concert, and Luke’s hungry eyes were on him. At one point, feeling like his words weren’t enough, Calum actually told him “no”.

But his glares did nothing, seeming to only encourage Luke in his brazen perusal.

So Calum tried another tactic. He tried to play it off, trying to return their relationship back to friends, back from whatever confusing thing this was. He had managed to convince himself it was all in his head, that nothing had changed. He’d deliberately run up behind Luke during their performance of American Idiot at the Forum and started singing into his neck, hoping Luke would pull away and laugh. But Luke had one-upped him, lifting his hand from the guitar to bring his hand up to graze Calum’s chin, a tender look in his face as he stared into Calum’s dark eyes. And even as Calum bounced away, laughing playfully at Luke’s gesture the bassist felt his heart drop to the bottom on his stomach.

He hadn’t imagined it. It was real. But he hadn’t been able to think of a way to bring up the subject without making everything awkward.

Now it’s December and he is so glad, so thankful he left things unsaid. Because slowly, he has come to crave that stare. Every facet of it. Sometimes, Luke looks at him like he is the most beautiful thing he’s ever seen, making Calum feel cherished and precious. Sometimes, those blue eyes are exasperated as they watch him, accompanied by a pained laugh at whatever corny joke Calum blurts out. And every so often, that stare turns so hungry, so possessive that it sends a shiver down Calum’s spine and makes him want to spread himself open and offer everything up for Luke.

And for that, Calum simply isn’t ready. He doesn’t think of himself like that.

He doesn’t want to consider what he will be asked to give up if he returns that stare. That’s an excuse. Because he knows what Luke will ask for, what he already asks for everyday wordlessly with his eyes. And in the most recent days, asks in other indirect ways too. An arm slung perpetually around him, fingers flexing possessively against his shoulders. Announcements made in front of massive crowds waxing lyrical about Calum’s looks.

Luke is escalating. Marking him publicly. Calum isn’t irritated, although he feels like he should be. But he is worried. Because one day soon, Calum knows Luke will take a more direct approach.

He just doesn’t know what his answer will be.

He made the mistake of returning Luke’s stare during the Liverpool book-signing. The conversation was inane. Something about the British prime-minister. He had turned to Luke and somehow, for a brief second, everything besides Luke’s blue eyes disappeared.

Calum looked up the interview later on. Even in the video, he could see the raw desire in Luke’s eyes, saw himself returning that stare with a soft, inviting smile on his own lips. Calum would have no one to blame but himself if Luke took that as a sign to move things along further. Thank god Ashton had reinserted himself into the conversation at that point before Calum managed to do any more damage.

Calum sensed after the interview that something had changed. He made himself scarce after, faking illness and begging Michael not to let Luke hang out in their room afterwards. Because he didn’t want to face Luke and talk about this.

Not so soon. Not until he can change his perspective on himself.

But Calum knows it is inevitable. And in the rare moments when he’s honest with himself, Calum can admit he knows how all this will end. That churning in his stomach hasn’t gone away, and every day, he has to fight a little harder to not blush and stutter around Luke.

Yes, Calum knows how this will end. But he isn’t ready.

He just hopes Luke will wait until he is.