Jessie Miller

THIRTY EIGHT

Today is the day that we play Northern Ireland. My ankle is completely fine now so I'm able to start. Hege wants to put me on the right wing where I'm most comfortable. I'll be comfortable and I'm excited but GOD I'm nervous. Everyone is sat in the changing room and we are all doing our separate things. Some of us are focusing on ourselves and others are talking to each other. I am currently taping my ankles and my wrists. I do this before every match. Sometimes Lucy would do it for me but she's again not talking to me. Right now, she's sat with Kiera and is laughing about something. My earphones are in and I am in my own world. In my head, I'm going over plays and my position. I'm thinking of new things to try if we get the chance. Northern Ireland aren't exactly a team that is considered as too difficult.

I have to wait a little longer before I walk to the tunnel. Not long after that, a little girl arrives at my side. We talk for a little bit. She tells me that she is 9 years old and all she dreams of doing is becoming like me. For a moment, I think about my life. Yeah, I'm a professional footballer that plays for one of the best football teams in the world. I'm currently playing for my national team and it's a dream come true. I have great friends and my life doesn't seem too bad... from the outside at least. On the inside, I have no father, I don't want my mother in my life and my girlfriend likes to decide when she wants me. Back to the little girl, she's also telling me about the try outs for a new team she's got coming up. She's adorable. I'd love a kid but I'm too career driven for all of this. I know players can do it, but I don't think I'd be able to cope.

Finally, it's time and we are now walking out to the pitch. The national anthems are being sung and Jill is on her way to be captain. Today she's getting her 150th cap so Steph gave her the captain's badge today. The coin toss only takes a couple of moments and I'm just walking the little girl whose name is Hannah. I quickly ask her if she can hang back at the end of the game so I can do something for her. I run back on to the pitch and I get into position. I jump in my spot a couple of times to get myself pumped and then wait for the whistle.

The first few minutes of the game is just the girls on both teams getting used to the ball and the pitch but then white gets a hold of the ball from a sneaky steal from the defence. She is soon pressured so she passes back to Walsh. Williamson is in a free space, so she receives the ball. A safe ball is made to Houghton who sends it back to midfield to Scott. I try to make a run up field into space but then dummy the player into thinking I'm going to continue running but I quickly change direction and then go to an area where I can get space. The ball is passed to me eventually, but I have to make a quick ball back to Bronze. She presses up field and makes a great pass up field up to Kelly. Just as she is about to cross the ball, she is tackled kind of roughly, but the ref lets it slide.

The game continues and at the 17th minute we seem to be getting another chance. Williamson passes to Greenwood out wide who needs help from Walsh. A short through ball to Nobbs is made and then a successful run-down pitch is made. White receives the ball from Nobbs who then passes the ball to me because I'm in space again. I take a shot, but a defender comes from nowhere and deflects the ball, so it goes out of play. We gain the corner on the left-hand side. Greenwood walks over to take it and we all get in position. I stand on the edge of the box, in case of an emergency. There's no need for that though because the ball is whipped in and Scott is on the ball straight away. A clean, header goes into the back of the net and the captain has her goal. We all celebrate like crazy because of the situation. We are all happy for her. At the 19th minute, we are 1-0 up and the game can only go up from here.

Northern Ireland restart and the ball is passed around for a few minutes but a good interception by Nobbs gets us back in the game. Passes made and we have a great opportunity with Stanway on the ball. She makes an amazing shot, and it goes straight passed the keeper. The crowd erupts and we celebrate with Georgia. It really was a great goal.

Northern Ireland restarts the game again but not much happens for the rest of the first half. A few passes, tackles and other plays were made but nothing really worth mentioning. We are very possessive of the ball but Ireland are making it hard for us to get through to score again.

We have our break and have a team talk at half time. I make sure to stay focused so that I can play my best still. I haven't had many chances to score but I can always keep trying. I take one last sip of my Lucozade and then get up to go out to the pitch.

Nothing really happens up until the 53rd minute. I send a ball over to Walsh who is just on the edge of the box. She's just about to take a shot but she is slid into. She falls to the ground holding her ankle. Lucy gets really mad for some reason and runs up to the player that tackled Kiera. I manage to calm her down and I even apologise to the other player because she overreacted about the whole situation. Medics come out to Kiera and have to help her off because of her ankle. Karma's a bitch...

We are player down for now but it's okay because it's a close freekick. Houghton and I stand over the ball talking about what is going to happen whilst everyone else gets into position. A wall has been made so we have to work out how we are going to do this all over again. We've got it.

The ref blows their whistle, and I run to the ball to take my shot. Well, that's what the other people thought, I fake my shot and Steph runs up behind me and strikes the ball. We both watch as the ball flies over the ball, hits the cross ball and then bounces in the net. I literally jump on Steph in reaction to that free kick. I thought that Stanway's goal way good. This might have been the best freekick that I've ever seen. After the celebrations, we all go back to our positions and wait for the game to be restarted once again. The game is pretty average for a while and at the 76th minute the ball goes out of play and I'm subbed off. I sit at the side-line and watch the game go by. I don't fully pay attention, only to Jordan's goal and then Scott's goal as well. We win the game 5-0 and we are all ecstatic about it. We shake hands with the other players and then go into the tunnel. I'm just about to head down the steps when I remember about Hannah.

I go back to the stands and manage to find her. I ask her who her favourite players are on the team. To my surprise she told me and the other one is Steph. I tell her to wait for a few minutes and I quickly head down to the changing room. I grab a clean shirt from Steph, and I change my boots to my sliders and sign them. I pass the Shirt around and ask everyone to sign it. They all do so and when they are done, I ask Steph to come with me and we run back up to Hannah. I give her the boots and shirt and she start crying (Not from being sad). I ask her if she wants to take a photo with us and she does. Just as another extra, I pull her on to the pitch and get a ball. We play for a few minutes before she has to go. There are still a few people in the stands waiting for photo and signature opportunities. I go around and do a few but then have to go and get changed. Today was the end of the camp so after the game we can go home. A few of us aren't though. Even though the game was tiring, a few of us are going to Leah's place for drinks and a takeaway. It's mainly the Arsenal and Chelsea players but Lucy and I are going down too. Most of us will be taking the train down there. It's 2 hours away on the train and a bit of a drive to actually get to Leah's but I'm staying there for a couple of days anyway, so it doesn't really matter. Lucy is going home some time tomorrow.

When we get to Leah's eventually, we all order our food. There's only 6 of us here so it's not too crowded and then a 7th later. There's Leah -obviously- Lucy, Me, Lisa Evans came over and so has Vivianne Miedema. Beth Mead is also coming but I don't think Danielle is. Throughout the night, we talk, play a few games and then have a few drinks. I'm too tired to drink a lot so I stay sober. It's not too late before everyone leaves and we all go to bed. Lucy and I go to the guest room and go straight to sleep. This room is pretty much my room at this point. I'm here more than anyone else.