What about our garden? (Tsukkiyama angst)

Tsukki--8

Tsukki was meant to visit yesterday. He hadn't. Suga had came instead. Suga and daichi had convinced the blonde to stay home and sleep. God did he need to sleep. If he wasn't at the hospital,he was at school or in practice. There wasn't time to sleep.
Daichi had told him to leave practice early,told him to go home and sleep. He obviously objected a lot,but after a lot of convincing he finally caved in.
Kei made Suga go instead, there was no way he would let yama be alone. Never.

~~~~~~~~a few months later~~~~~~~~
"You should stay home today Tsukishima." After the first night Suga visited instead of kei, he had started going more often. Tsukki would go too. He's only ever missed that one night. He didn't want that to change. He felt so awful after missing that night, after not bringing the flower. He had promised the flower because the garden didn't have any. He never brought the flower.
"No."
"Please. You're exhausted kei. We understand what's going on. Please just take some time for yourself."
"You understand?"
Daichi stayed silent. How could he answer that? He didn't understand. He'd never been through this.
"You don't. You really really don't. I'm sick and tired of people telling me they understand! Has your loved one ever gone thought this? Have you ever had to watch the person you love the most in the world die? Watch as they loose weight? Watch as they loose the ability to speak? Watch as no one else visits them? Watch as they sit there in that stupid rock of a bed? They can't move. They're always tired. They.....
They don't remember!" The boy slipped down to the floor halfway through his vent.
Tears streamed down the boys face. This was the first time he had vented like this. He loved the olive haired boy so much. So damn much. But he was dying.
There was nothing he could do about it.
"When they look you in the eyes and they're hardly there. Hardly there at all. When there's nothing you can do..... I am trying so hard. I love him so much. You don't understand.... why him? Daichi why him? All he's ever done is good. So why the hell him? I don't understand Daichi. I... I just don't get it..."
The boys knees were hugged so tightly to his chest as tears streamed down his face. Never ending tears.
The older boy tried his hardest to comfort the other. Rubbing small circles on the boys back, trying to do anything he can to make him feel better. There was nothing he could do though. He couldn't make yams better. He couldn't help tsukki. He couldn't fix anything. All he could do was watch as one of the boys died and one of the boys lost the love of his life. There was nothing more he was able to do.
No words could make this better. He had to answer though.
Searching through the words in his head, made him realise how nothing fit right. Nothing could help and nothing could make the other feel better.
Nothing.
"The world's cruel. It takes the best people."
"The world takes the people who deserve the most."
"Yes...it does."
"C-can you take me to the hospital. Please let me see him."
"Kei-"
"Please Daichi. I don't care how tired I am. I just want to see him. Please. Before it's too late."
"Okay..."
Daichi felt awful denying the boy,so he just didn't.
He couldn't look that boy in the eyes and say no. Say no to letting him spend all his time with the sick one. He couldn't feel the guilt of separating the two, when one only had a few months,if that,left.
He just couldn't say no.

The car journey was silent. The blondes knee bumped up and down continuously and the older male gripped the steering wheel much harder then needed. Even though the blonde saw the other every single day,it was still a terrifying experience. One of these times he would arrive and the other wouldn't be there. One of these times he would arrive and the other wouldn't remember. Not yet.
Not this time,not next time,but eventually.
~~~~~~
"Hey baby~"
Daichi never came in. It pained him too much to see yams like that,so he always left. He didn't want to replace the image of yams that was currently in his head. The happy boy with the bright smile and pink cheeks. Not the sick boy with sunken cheeks and harsh dark circles under his eyes,a massive contrast to the boys ghostly skin.
"Mmm." It was so hard for the boy to respond now. He could hardly give more then a few word answer,if that.
"He hasn't been feeling too great today kei." Suga said from the chair next to the bed. Suga was there because Daichi was supposed to make kei go home. That didn't work.
"How so?" He didn't really want the answer. He didn't need to know details to tell today was a bad day. He was so painfully aware the second his eyes met the boys tiny frame.
"He had another headache. I don't think he's been sleeping well,so he's pretty exhausted too."
It was much worse then that,but Suga didn't need to worry tsukki even more. Tsukki knew this was only the bare minimum amount of information. He didn't want to know the rest.
"Okay. Daichi's waiting for you outside."
"Okay."
Suga got up to leave,nearly got out the door, but a hand grasped his and stopped him.
"T-thank you."
"Don't worry about it kei." He flashed the blonde a smile before leaving. A few tears rolled down his porcelain skin whilst walking down the corridors.
~~~~
"Hey gorgeous? Do you wanna watch something?"
Tadashi lifted up a finger,ever so slightly. Kei had grown to learn this was a yes.
"Hmmmm should we watch bridge to terabitha? I know you like that one a lot..."

Tsukki wouldn't lie,it was definitely hard to basically have a conversation with himself, but he didn't mind at all. It made yams smile when Tsukki told him about vollleyball or even boring things like class,so kei would tell him everything.
He pulled the laptop out of his bag and placed it on his lap. Cuddling was one of yams favourite things. So they always snuggled up,close together,on the tiny bed. Hospital beds weren't comfortable and they weren't large,but that didn't stop the two from cuddling there every day.
"You're so pretty dashi." Even tho the boy couldn't answer,a slight blush spread to his pasty cheeks.
"Especially your freckles. They're so incredibly beautiful y'know. I don't know how anyone could have ever made fun of you for them. I love your beautiful chocolate kisses." The blonde said placing a multitude of kisses over yams face.
Tsukishima remembered how much yams hated the freckles, how ugly they made him feel. He never did understand why yams felt like that,he had always loved the younger ones freckles. Always.
Soon enough, tsukki had set up the film and they watched it together. Just enjoying the closeness.
Kei felt A cold wetness against his chest. Tears.
"What's wrong my love?"
Yams lifted a shaky finger towards the screen and pointed at the credits.
"Oh the film. Yeah of course.you cry every time we watch it. I'd be shocked if you didn't know it word for word by now."
A small laugh left tsukki's mouth. He was worried. He thought the boy was in pain or something.
"Let's go to sleep now dashi."
He placed a gentle kiss on the boys forehead after putting the laptop onto the bedside table.
"Goodnight darling~"
'I'll see you in the morning' was all he wanted to add but he knew Tadashi would be there. All that phrase would do was cause them both pain. Make them both think about what's going to happen when yams won't be there in the morning. Better not to think about it. Better to leave it on a happy note.
'Good night my love~' yams thought to himself before sleep consumed him.