Everything To Lose

Chapter 8

"Clarke Griffin, I cannot believe you right now"

Clarke looked up at her, really looked up into her eyes, Raven towering over her, arms crossed, anger all over her face.

"This is the whole reason you're in this place, without Lexa. This is the reason she left you. And you have the audacity to turn back to it. Alcohol is not going to help things. You either tell me what was going through that stupid head of yours when you cheated on her, or you can happily mope around some more, but I will not tolerate you drowning your sorrows in alcohol" Raven all but yelled.

Clarke looked at her knees drawn close to her body and softly whispered.

"I haven't opened it Rae"

Raven almost didn't hear her, but she turned her attention to the bottle and it was in fact unopened.

Raven looked back at Clarke, "I couldn't do it." she said.

Raven's eyes softened again when she saw tears flow down her eyes again.

"The pain, it's too much, I thought I needed it to numb the pain, but nothing will help. I know it's not going to help."

Raven sat down beside her and pulled her into her arms.

"I'm sorry I snapped. Clarke, I'm here for you. I need you to talk to me, I can't help you ease the pain if you don't tell me everything that happened. It's been a whole month and a half since she's gone and you've been a mess."

"I don't remember so much of it" Clarke cried.

Raven kissed her temple. "It's okay, it's okay Clarke."

Clarke then looked up at her and said "I'll tell you okay... soon... I'm just... I need to wrap my head around this... Lexa... this wasn't supposed to happen between us. We promised each other forever and I just ruined that, in one night... what was I thinking Raven!"

"This anger you feel towards yourself... it can't be good. But I understand why it's there."

They were silent for a while. "You should drink, Raven. You must really be sick of me." Clarke chuckled softly.

Raven reached out for the bottle and took a long swig and winced at the burn it left in her throat. "Damn right I am. You drove my friend away."

Clarke stayed silent.

"I'm sorry. You know me. I have no filter." she explained.

"I'm sorry, Rae. I know what I've done has affected more than just me and Lexa."

"I'm not saying anything right now, Clarke, not until you feel comfortable enough to come clean about whatever went down that night"

Clarke hummed. Lexa leaned back on the other side of the couch and lifted her legs into Clarke's lap, "I could do with a foot massage right about now, my period cramps have exhausted me so bad today."

Raven closed her eyes for a second, feeling Clarke's soft hands begin to massage her feet. It took all but 2 seconds, and Raven felt Clarke's hands go cold.

She opened her eyes, to find Clarke's face pale, staring blankly ahead.

"Clarke, are you okay?" she asked

Clarke then began mumbling something to herself, from the nearly visible movement of her lips, Raven guessed she seemed to be counting.

"Clarke?"

"Oh no, oh no, Oh NO!" Clarke started as a mumble at first, and then it was more of a moan of pain. She had swung Raven's feet off her lap and rushed towards the staircase up to her room.