Everything To Lose

Chapter 29

Clarke was momentarily distracted form her dance when she heard a noise. Raven had tripped over something. She excused herself from where she was dancing with Monty, John and Emori and walked towards her over-enthusiastic, drunk friend Raven.

"Are you okay?" Clare said with mirth.

"I'm finnneee, Clarke..."

"I hope so..."

"I'm going to kiss her today, Clarke"

"Who?"

"Anya" Raven said with a confident smile. Staring into the distance.

Clarke caught her line of sight and saw her staring at Anya hungrily, Anya who she now noticed was talking to Lexa.

"You should kiss her too" Raven said lazily.

"What?!?" Clarke said in shock.

"Lexa. You should kiss Lexa. I'll kiss Anya" Raven said.

Clarke laughed. Her friend never filtered herself, and under the influence of drinks, she was worse off.

Clarke stared at Lexa. She wanted so bad to go up to her and kiss her. After that one kiss they shared, Clarke couldn't stop thinking about whether Lexa was finally letting her in. Even with her anger and all of it.

"Let me get you a glass of water." Clarke told Raven, wanting to go over to where Lexa was with some excuse so that she could start a conversation.

But Raven clearly didn't pick up on that.

"No, you stay put, I'm getting you some more beer, birthday girl. You need Liquid courage for a kiss!"

Clarke wanted to stop her, but was distracted by a call on her phone, it was Abby again. Clarke hurried outside to take it.

"So. You were saying Clarke has never mentioned a lover?" Lexa said as she took a big sip of her drink in one go, resuming a conversation with Luna.

"Oh no, she did mention a name once, but I don't think it was yours, Lexa"

"What do you mean?" Lexa was now curious to know what Clarke had talked to Luna about. She had a lover?

"I don't know... I think she mentioned a guy's name once... uhhh... Brock... Britley..."

"Bellamy" Lexa said for her

"Bellamy! Yes!"

Lexa would have liked to blame the feeling in her tummy on the excess alcohol. But deep down she knew, it was back. The anger. The whole reason she didn't want to be here today. Flashes of Clarke's phone came back to her, of when she saw those messages from Bellamy, of when Clarke didn't deny that it was true, of how Clarke may have taken off her locket while taking her clothes off for him. Lexa's fists tightened. Luna was still talking, but she couldn't care less now.

She didn't want to be here. She didn't want to look at Clarke, she didn't want to be anywhere near her, and she didn't want to talk to her either. She was about to excuse herself and leave, when Raven caught onto her hand and Luna's and pulled them forward saying "Time for truth or dare."

Lexa's eyes caught Clarke's entering through the door with her phone. Okay, fine she'll stay, she thought, but she wasn't going to make this easy for anyone. Especially not Clarke.

"We'll be right there, Raven" Lexa said with a lazy smirk. She then took Luna's hand, it surprised even Luna. And said "Save me a spot near you, I'll be right there."

It was 11 pm now, the music was turned way down low, and everyone was seated around the living room, laughing and talking.

When Lexa joined the group, Clarke had her eyes on her, wanting to get her attention, wanting to signal if maybe they could go somewhere and talk. But she was taken aback when Lexa saw the empty space between Clarke and Raven, and chose to walk through it and go sit next to Luna.

Clarke would have taken time to overthink it, but she had something else to worry about now. The minute Lexa took a seat near Luna, Luna put her arm through Lexa's and leaned in on her shoulder, drunk and light-headed as she was.

What surprised her further was Lexa's chuckle at her. Lexa wasn't pushing her away or awkwardly or politely asking her to respect her personal space.

The entire night Clarke had been wondering if she had drank too much. Now all she could think about was why she hadn't drank enough. She hated that she had to sit and watch this happen right here. Lexa was punishing her. And she wondered how much of this she was expected to take. After yesterday, she had thought that maybe they were past the phase of punishing Clarke. But clearly, it wasn't over.

Everyone took turns spinning the bottle, most picked truth, some picked dare, it was all fun and games, but Clarke couldn't bring herself to enjoy. She was a little too distracted with the way Luna and Lexa touched each other now and then.

Raven had been sipping on water now for a while, and she could see Clarke's discomfort.

"Listen, it's your party, you can end it whenever you like" she whispered to her. Anya didn't need to hear what Raven was saying to nod in agreement towards Clarke. They could all see Lexa was quite drunk and she would probably regret all of this later, but it would leave a lasting scar on Clarke's heart.

The bottle was now pointing at Lexa.

"Shoot" she said.

"Truth or Dare" Harper asked.

Lexa smirked "Both"

Clarke took a long sip of her drink.

"Okay, truth first, are you over Clarke?" The question was bold. Harper was super drunk. Raven gave her a death stare.

"Of course, a long time ago in fact. I could give you phone numbers of two fine young ladies if you'd like to know just how over her I am"

The group was mildly surprised at her answer, but they hooted and cheered nonetheless. Clarke stared straight at Lexa. Trying so hard to reach some place of her that would realize what she was doing right now.

Lexa had hinted once before that she may have been with other women in the time they were apart, but saying it out loud this way, almost in a manner to shame Clarke, that was harsh. Tears were already threatening to show.

Raven placed her hand on Clarke's thigh, needing her to hold it together and also wanting to offer some kind of comfort. Anya didn't know how to react towards Lexa. She understood why lexa felt she needed to act this way.

"Make that 3 actually..." Lexa said, her eyes directed towards Clarke, but her hand now making its way around Luna and pulling her into her side.

Clarke looked away. She couldn't watch this. And she couldn't let Lexa do this to her. She may have made a stupid mistake in her life. She probably deserved a whole lot of pain for it. But this, this was just too much to face on a day like today. They were supposed to be celebrating her birthday.

"Guys I think we should call it a night" Raven said out loud, wanting to end the party.

But an oblivious and drunk John spoke up saying "Oh come on, at least let her take up her dare too"

Raven sighed in frustration, then someone called out "Kiss her! Kiss Luna. Prove it"

Lexa laughed. Heartily. She then looked at Clarke. Clarke wasn't sure why, whether she was looking to make sure she was watching, or looking to check that she was not. But Clarke's eyes were watery now, and Lexa couldn't see that through her drunken haze.

She leaned in and let her lips find Luna's in one heated kiss.

Clarke watched her world shatter around her. She deserved this. Hadn't she done the same to Lexa? All those years ago. Then, she was in a relationship with Lexa and she cheated on her. Here, Lexa was not tied to her in anyway, but it still hurt so much.

"Okay, you don't have to watch this" Raven said in a hurry and stood up before Clarke, reaching out a hand to her and pulling her to stand "Come on" Raven tugged on her hand and led a speechless, lightweight Clarke upstairs in a hurry.