A World in the Shadows

Chapter 5, Lyra

CHAPTER 5

LYRA

We stood at the door that led back to the main dining hall and looked at each other.

“Come see me sometime, okay?” he said, looking at me. I smiled and looked down.

“I’ll try” I said. His hand reached over to hold mine and he laced our fingers together. There had been a lot of unnecessary hand-holding tonight.

“Bye.” He said, smiling.

“Bye” I said. He released my hand and brought his to my face, pushing back the hair. He traced his finger over my gash and frowned. Breaking out of an almost trance, I jerked back from him and opened the door, stepping back into the dining room, pushing my hair back over my cheek as I did. Rose practically bawled me over the second I walked in and I carefully extracted myself from her.

“Where the hell have you been Lyra!” she said, narrowing her eyes and glaring at me.

“Oh you know… gardening” I replied, casually gliding past her and walking over to Jenna. Matt and Jacob were furiously waving to me from the back of the room and I half-heartedly waved back, before Rose pulled me out of the room.

I didn’t sleep much that night, or the night after that. Jenna was snoring louder than it was humanly possible, I had crawled into a ball under my blanket, considering everything that had happened that day. I’d never met anyone like Ethan before, and although he seemed alright and was very, very attractive, I wasn’t sure if I could trust him. As for my gash, that was personal. I’d messed up, beyond any definition of the word bad. I should never have gone to see that family and my face payed the price. It probably wouldn’t scar, but even if it did the only people that would ever know the events leading up to it was me. And the Foriks’. I tried to forget myself, and huddled into sleep. Another day maybe.

Over the next three days, school was brutal. I was in the final month of my final year of high school, and that meant exams, study, and limited time to think about anything apart from calculus, psychology and Shakespeare. On the Friday, was my very worst day yet. I rolled out of bed, and clambered downstairs, hair eschew. Rose and Max were seated at the table, and Harry and Jenna sat around them, looking upset. Rose looked at me and gestured for me to sit down. This was bad. Very bad. Rose looked at her feet, taking a deep breath.

“I’m pregnant” she whispered. My heart stopped for a second. To anyone else, this would be wonderful news, but Rose and I both knew that for a foster child, having your foster parents’ start a family is the very end of your care. You’re kicked out, left, dumped somewhere else. You’re no longer needed. I bit my lip and looked up into Rose’s face. She looked so young in that moment, so beautiful. A 32 year-old woman that could never have children so welcomed kids off the street into her home. I was an adult now. I needed to be the one to grow up.

“Congratulations” I said, leaning over and hugging Rose. This was the very first foster family I’d ever been slightly happy in, and that was mainly because of Rose. She was only 14 years older than me, and the only real mother figure I’d ever had in my life. Following my lead, Jenna and Harry smiled and muttered their congratulations. Max cleared his throat and we looked back up at him.

“Harry, it was lovely meeting you. We would love nothing more than to keep you all around, however with a baby on the way both of our lives will be too complex. You will be going to live with my oldest friend, Simon, who will take great care of you.” He smiled and Harry nodded. Harry was smart. He hadn’t gotten attached. Jenna’s lower lip wobbled as she waited for her sentence like a prisoner on trial.

“No” I muttered out, squeezing Jenna’s hand protectively under the table. I turned to Harry and Jenna, both in their school uniforms with bags by their feet. “Go to school guys” I said quietly. “I’ll catch up with you” Jenna dutifully nodded and hurried out the door, but Harry hesitated and looked at me. I nodded solemnly and begged him to understand my glance. After a few minutes, he nodded and left.

“What is it Lyra?” Rose said softly. I paused, biting my lip.

“I care about her” I whispered. “I know I shouldn’t have gotten attached, I know it’s wrong. But she’s like my little sister now, and I can’t go back from that. I know what you were going to say. Send her off and then, when I finish school you’ll help me find a flat” I finished, and after hesitating, Rose nodded. “What I propose, is I try and find an apartment now. And I get a guardian license for Jenna. She can move in with me” I finished and stared at my hands in my lap. Rose looked at me and held my hand.

“We’ll talk about it, okay?” she said. “Now get dressed and go to school.” I nodded and walked upstairs. There was nothing more I could do but wait. I’d made my case. In my bedroom, I ran a brush through my hair and pulled on a pair of Jeans and a rolling stones T-shirt that belonged to a foster kid I’d once known. We lived together for three years, until he left. That’s when I started my ‘don’t get attached’ rule. I wouldn’t let myself go through that again. Yet here I was, continuing the cycle. I found a cardigan to throw over the t-shirt and grabbed some money from under my mattress. My uniform lay in a heap under my dresser. There was no way I was going to school. I headed to a service station and bought a canvas bag, two bags of chips, a block of chocolate, and two coffees to-go. I wasn’t even realizing when I wanted to go before I was there. The Orphanage of Youth. I stuffed what I could in the canvas bag and laced a coffee in my other hand, trying to look respectable as I rang the doorbell. I waited a few seconds, and then the door was pulled open by a sister, Sister Margaret I think was her name.

“Hi” I said sunnily. “I’m here to talk tutor Jacob for his math exam” I said happily. Inside, I was frozen. Jacob and Matt were obviously twins, and they looked like they were still in school. I hoped to god I was right. She smiled back at me and turned to the staircase.

“I’ll go get him for you” I breathed a sigh of relief. I guess I was right. I couldn’t have said I wanted to see Ethan; he was clearly a fair bit older than me and looked it. There was a pause and Sister Margaret returned with Jacob at her side.

“I’ll leave you two to your maths” she said kindly, turning around and leaving us alone.

“Lyra what the hell” he said quietly. “I am good at Maths” he said. I snorted and smiled. “It’s Psychology I suck at though, is there any chance-”

“I need to see him” I blurted out, before he could finish. “Please” Jacob looked me up and down and seemed to see something in my face because he sighed.

“Come on” he said, walking up the stairs. I don’t think he needed me to elaborate on who I was talking about. I followed him until we got to the highest floor, and we walked in to a huge dorm room, with at least twelve beds. Full of teenage boys. Who each turned to stare at me walking in. Including Ethan. In that moment, my debt to Jacob was huge.

“Everyone out” He said loudly. “Now” The boys laughed and mumbled things in between each other but hastily left the room. They seemed to hold a big respect for Jacob. The only person who didn’t leave was Ethan, propped up on a bed with a tattered guitar in his arms. He seemed to realize it was him I was there for. Jacob smiled at me, and with a splurge of chivalry, walked out of the room and left Ethan and I alone.

“Lyra what are you-” he began, slowly.

“Shut up” I muttered, sitting on the edge of his bed and passing him a coffee. I took the guitar and cradled it in the nook of my arm. It was my favorite instrument. I didn’t even have to play, just holding it felt right. Sitting here felt right. Being here felt right. He…. Felt right.