Dog Days Are Over

What's on your mind ?

My New Year's resolution about getting over my crush on Jake was a total fiasco so far. Our kiss kept replaying on my mind, at all times. The soft touch of his delicate lips against mine, the caress of his hair on my cheeks, his calloused fingertips slithering down my neck... The butterflies were unstoppable now, and my face was so used to redden that people just assumed it was my new skintone. Jake and I didn't crossed paths since that night. Didn't text either. Only a few days had passed since Josh's party though, so it wasn't like we were avoiding each other. Although it became clear on Monday that what should've just been a little smooch between friends had made us really awkward around each other.

Since the Mina Situation now belonged in the past, Josh and Mandy were doing everything in their power to bring Jake and I closer. And of course. sitting together during lectures was now an obvious move. Not the most discreet one, if I may had, given that Josh had send his brother packing when he asked two weeks ago. Jake now looked positively lost, but couldn't refuse, so Mandy and I took a seat between the Kiszkas, already witnessing the menacing glare the teacher was giving us, probably not surprised in the slightest by the peculiar sandwich the lot of us formed in front of her. Mandy and Josh were playing Draw and Guess, purposefully leaving me and Jake out of it probably so we could talk. And if in the past month I had fantasies about the exact moment where I'll be sitting next to him, now that I was, all the pros and cons were slowing surfacing the ocean of my mind, like a beautiful blue sea at first glance who'd turn out to be full of plastic garbage. His mere presence was making me giddy and jittery. His smell of pine, incense and soap filled my lungs, his knee kept brushing mine, and I couldn't look at his face like I used to, just his hand making the pen dance on his sheet. I hadn't noticed I was vigorously tapping mine on the table until his warm hand covered mine, making the motion stop. Slowly, we exchanged a glance.

- Sorry, I murmured.

Jake's eyes seemed to observe mine a moment before going South and settling on my lips. Quickly, as if realizing what he was doing, the boy turned away, withdrawing his hand and resting his cheek on his other one.

- S'alright...

During the two hours, he looked rather bummed, there was no way to phrase it differently. His face showed a mix of thoughtful and troubled, and I was by now used to him being mentally somewhere else but at some point a ball of paper had landed on his forehead and Josh had call him four times to get it back before he finally shook out of it. Man, I was starting to be concerned. Maybe he wasn't as over his breakup as he had pretended to be... I couldn't help feeling a bit guilty. It had not been a good idea to kiss each other under the mistletoe, Jake had personal stuff to sort out, and the same went for me. We both should've known better but the moment had been perfect... We'd been laughing, exchanging gifts, slowly dancing under the dim light... Anybody could've felt the romantic tension, and I was certain we both saw it in each other's gaze that night. Nothing mattered but us and this moment. But at what price, I thought bitterly. We couldn't undo the kiss we shared even with significant efforts, and I had no wish to do so. Now that I had a taste of his lips, I was becoming greedy. Like every other human in existence, my instincts were screaming they wanted more. Of that, of everything that was him. Like Janet in the Rocky Horror, I wanted him to touch me. Thoughts I shouldn't have about a friend, but the voice that took over my conscience since that night kept telling me nothing was new. I still had romantic feels and fantasies about Jake. And while sometimes it bugged me to be a dishonnest friend, most of the time I told myself my mind was my property, free of any laws except mine. But me arboring romantic feelings towards Jake didn't mean I had the right to be a shitty friend either. So when we reached the end of the week and Jake's mood didn't improve at all, I took the matter into my own hands.

« Are you free this weekend ? »

Pacing in the kitchen, tugging at my thumb's fingernail with my teeth, my eyes wouldn't leave my phone, waiting for the moment it'll finally buzz. Mandy came into the kitchen to pour herself a coffee.