Who Would Have Thought

Chapter 10

Coffee. One cream, two sugars. Twelve years ago she wouldn't touch coffee unless it had one cream and two sugars. He could only hope that it was still like that, that she hadn't changed her taste sometime in the last twelve years because that would probably just start another fight. And he could not afford another fight right now. Not after the one they had just had.

He still couldn't figure out where it had all come from. They had been fine, she had been teasing him about his food choices, and then suddenly, they were fighting. And now just a little fighting, he had been tempted to just reach and shake her as hard as possible, Mark had dragged him away. He wasn't even sure he would have stopped if Webber had been there.

They hadn't fought like that before. Even when they had yelled in each other's faces, it hadn't been like that. That had been out of control. His head hadn't even been working. He had just screamed and yelled and contemplated shaking her. That was all. He had been on some self-destructive cruise control. Or Meredith-destructive cruise control actually.

But that couldn't happen anymore. He couldn't want to shake her, he couldn't yell at her in front of patients and their families. He still wasn't sure what had caused it, but Addison was probably right, he had to talk to Meredith about everything. He had to sit down and talk to her and clear this up, before it got any worse. He couldn't imagine anything worse than this last fight, but he probably shouldn't take his chances.

"Meredith!" he called, seeing her leaning against the nurses' station.

"Crap," he heard her breathe as she stiffened, looking around urgently for an escape route.

"Meredith, you have to talk to me eventually," Derek sighed, quickly approaching her.

"No...no I definitely...no," she shook her head, walking quickly away from him.

"Meredith, talk to me," he sighed. "Stop."

"I can't..." Meredith shook her head. "We don't...no talking."

"Yes, talking, we have to talk," he insisted.

"Derek...Dr. Shepherd..."

"Meredith, we have to talk."

"We definitely don't have to talk," she said firmly, walking faster down the hallway. "There doesn't have to be talking. No talking. Talking is...we don't have to talk."

"Yes, we do," he groaned. "Meredith, you...we fought. Loudly."

"Which is why we don't have to talk," Meredith groaned. "We don't have to talk because talking is...and when we talk, we fight and it gets loud and then...we don't have to talk."

"Which would be fine but we have to work together from now till eternity," he sighed.

"Fine," Meredith groaned, turning to look at him. "Fine."

"I...coffee, I got you coffee," he sighed.

"Coffee, Meredith stared at the cup of coffee in his hands.

"One cream, two sugars. Is that...you still drink that?"

"Yeah," she murmured. "I still drink that."

"Good," he nodded. "Here."

"Thank you," she whispered, taking the coffee carefully.

"I'm sorry."

"Me too," she sighed, leaning against the wall, sipping at her coffee.

"I shouldn't have... I have no idea where that even came from," he frowned.

"I don't either," she admitted. "I really have no idea. I just...I don't know."

"We were fine," he sighed.

"We were better than fine. We were...we were...we were talking and not fighting and...we were fine."

"I know we were," he nodded. "I didn't even want to yell."

"I didn't want to yell either and then..."

"We exploded."

"It was...bad," Meredith murmured.

"It was the worse one yet, " he sighed.

"I thought...I don't know what I was thinking," Meredith sighed. "I just...I wanted to yell and say things and it was...it was really, really bad, Derek."

"It was," he nodded. "I have no idea how it got so out of hand."

"Me neither."

"I'm sorry."

"I am too."

"I think...we're not done talking."

"We're not?"

"No, I don't think so."

"But we...I mean, we talked and we said things. We said things and then we were better."

"I'm not sure we said enough, Mer," he sighed. "We talked about the end but things went wrong long before that."

"Yeah, I know," Meredith sighed.

"So...talking."

"Talking," she nodded slightly.

"Yeah," he sighed.

"I'm guessing not here."

"No, that would probably not work well," he sighed.

"So um..." Meredith bit her lip. "We could...my apartment this time. It's not in the middle of nowhere and...I have neighbors. Just in case."

"Your apartment works," he nodded. "So I can snoop this time."

"There isn't a lot to snoop for," she giggled. "I'm...I should probably unpack at some point."

"You're not unpacked?" he laughed.

"I had a whole theory about not unpacking if I was only staying a year and...I should unpack."

"You were going to live amongst boxes for a year?"

"Possibly."

"Only you," he laughed.

"There's nothing wrong with living amongst boxes for a year," she shrugged. "And a lot of my stuff is still in Boston."

"You're going to have to get it here."

"I know," she nodded. "I know I am. I...Izzie's going to send stuff and...maybe I'll get new stuff. I mean, a lot of my stuff is with...so I'll probably get new stuff."

"Easier than shipping, I guess."

"Yeah, it is," she nodded, playing with the coffee sleeve. "So um...when do we talk?"

"You work more hours than I do," he shrugged. "When is good for you?"

"Um...tonight or...tonight's probably best," she shrugged.

"Oh...tonight," he frowned slightly. "I can't tonight."

"Hot date?" she raised an eyebrow.

"Yeah," he nodded, reddening slightly.

"Oh," she smiled. "Don't blush, Der. It's not hot. Cute, but not hot."

"Sorry," he laughed softly. "It's just a date. She seems nice and according to Mark she has the nicest real chest he's ever seen."

"And to Mark, that's a reason to say yes to someone," Meredith rolled her eyes.

"Exactly," Derek laughed.

"So tonight is out," she shrugged.

"Tonight is out," he nodded. "How about tomorrow? Unless of course you have a hot date."

"Definitely no hot date," Meredith laughed.

"Not dating?"

"Not currently," she sighed. "I um...I just got out of a relationship. A really big serious almost lead to marriage kind of relationship."

"Oh?" he smiled slightly. "But...what happened?"

"It's not a big sad story, Derek," she smiled. "We met three years ago, we were talking about maybe getting married or whatever and then...I got the fellowship here."

"And you just left?

"I didn't just leave," she shook her head. "We talked about it. We spent a lot of time talking and thinking and...he runs his family's business and it just wouldn't make sense for us to do the long distance thing. We agreed to break up."

"It happens," he nodded. "You're okay with it, right?"

"I'm okay with it," she sighed. "I...I don't know if I was madly in love with him. I mean, I loved him and he was...he was great. He was a really great guy who got the whole crazy doctor thing but...I don't know. We're friends. We do the e-mail thing and we...we ended it okay. I'm just not ready to get back out there yet."

"Of course," he smiled. "Three years is a long time."

"It is. A really long time but it was...it was time for it to end."

"Well as long as it ended well," he nodded. "Because I think we both know the pain a bad break up brings."

"No, you're the only bad break up," Meredith murmured.

"You're my only bad break up too," he sighed. "My last one was a year ago. She didn't want kids, she didn't like my family, we just...not compatible."

"She didn't like your family?"

"Too loud and noisy and messy for her."

"Still...she didn't like your family," Meredith shook her head. "I mean, they're scary but they're...your family."

"I know," he smiled. "Even you managed to like them."

"What's that supposed to mean?" she raised an eyebrow.

"Nothing bad, Mer," he sighed. "You just weren't used to that big of family."

"No, I wasn't," Meredith agreed. "But...they were your family. I mean, Nancy was scary and your mom...but Sophie's great."

"Sophie and Lynn hated each other," Derek laughed.

"She hated Sophie?" Meredith gasped melodramatically. "Well thank God you ended that, Der."

"I know," Derek rolled his eyes. "Hating Sophie is unimaginable."

"It really is," she smiled widely.

"But it wasn't a bad break up, just...was obviously not going to go anywhere."

"I'm sorry it didn't go anywhere."

"It's okay," he shrugged. "It happens. She wasn't...the love of my life or anything."

"Hmmm," Meredith nodded slightly. "So tomorrow is out...I can do the day after."

"Day after works," he nodde.

"So day after and we can do the talking thing," she nodded. "We can do the talking thing at my apartment."

"We can," he smiled slightly.

"I'll give you directions and...it's not far from here. Not like your trailer which is...I like the trailer, I do. You know I do. But my apartment is a couple blocks away and...I'll give you directions."

"Okay," he laughed. "I'm sure I can find it."

"And then you can snoop."

"Oh I'm snooping."

"I figured you would," she rolled her eyes.

"You did it first."

"You were living in a trailer. Snooping was kind of necessary."

"Why?"

"Derek...trailer. Trailer in the middle of nowhere. Thirteen years ago you were living in a high rise apartment and now you're in a trailer in the middle of nowhere...I had to make sure you didn't have like...bodies or whatever."

"Bodies? Seriously?"

"Or torture weapons."

"You're a strange girl."

"You're the one living in a trailer."

"Not because I torture people."

"I had to make sure."

"Of course you did," he nodded. "Explains who you spent so much time looking at the pictures."

"The pictures were..." Meredith shook her head quickly. "You can snoop."

"I plan to."

"I know you do."

"Good."

"So...have a good time on your date tonight."

"I'll try," he sighed.

"That's a terrible way to go into a date, Der."

"She's Mark's pick. They never turn out well, Mer."

"True," she giggled.

"We'll see how it goes," Derek laughed.

"Why did you even let Mark set you up?"

"He harasses me constantly so every now and then I let him have one."

"Was Lynn a Mark choice?"

"Kind of," Derek sighed. "Mark thinks she's perfect for me, which basically means she's hot. She seems pretty nice so I figured I'd give it a shot."

"Couldn't hurt," she shrugged. "I should...I should probably go."

"Yeah," he nodded slowly.

"Thanks for the coffee."

"You're welcome," he grinned.

"I can't believe...I mean, it's been twelve years."

"What?"

"That you remembered my coffee."

"Oh," he laughed softy. "Not my fault you're boring an kept to drinking the same thing."

"I'm not boring," she giggled.

"You are," he smiled. "And you remembered my breakfast."

"It was the same thing every day," she shrugged. "I...I remembered."

"And you were the same coffee every time I got you one."

"Yeah," she nodded carefully. "We're boring people, Der."

"We are," he shrugged.

"So um...I'm going to go."

"Okay," he nodded.

"I have patients and...he died, Derek."

"What?"

"The patient...with the gunshots. He died. On the table. Cristina didn't even...he died."

"Oh," Derek frowned. "That's...he was a mess, Mer."

"He was," she nodded. "I know you...Derek, I know you loved me. I didn't mean to say that...and I know you loved me."

"Oh...that's....I'm glad to hear that because I did. I did so much, Mer," he murmured.

"I know," she whispered. "I...Derek, I know I was a really bad girlfriend and I know I didn't...but I loved you too. I really did. I know I didn't show it or...but I needed you."

"I know, Mer. At the time...but I do know," he nodded slowly. "When things were good..."

"No...when they were bad," she said firmly. "When they were bad I loved you. I really did."

"Oh," he breathed. "I'm...that's...great, Mer."

"Yeah," she murmured. "I know if...I'd get it if you didn't when things were bad, Der. I would understand but...when things were bad I still loved you. I still needed you."

"I still loved you too, Mer," he whispered. "Even the day I ended it, I was still so madly in love with you."

"Oh," she breathed. "Oh."

"You were...Meredith."

"And you were Derek," she sighed.

"If we hadn't become a mess..."

"We'd be married or something."

"We would be."

"But we'd still be in Boston and you'd be...you wouldn't be...you."

"I guess not," he sighed.

"So I guess...I mean, you're happy," she looked up at him. "And I'm happy. We're happy. Just not together."

"Not together," he echoed quietly.

"Yeah."

"Yeah."

"I'm um....going."

"Yeah, yeah," he nodded quickly.

"I'll um...good luck tonight with...Mark's pick and I'll see you later."

"See you, Mer," he sighed.

"Bye, Der," she nodded quickly before turning and walking away, still tightly clutching the coffee cup.

She had taken the coffee. They had set up a time to talk. That was good. Except now his heart was racing in a really odd way that he couldn't remember the last time he had felt it do that. His heart was racing and his palms were sweaty. Things had gotten wierd at the end, things had gotten very odd but good. It was they were communicating and talking. About things, lots of things.

He wasn't sure how it had turned to everything. How they had started talking about what they would be had the mess never happened. He had always known he would have been married to her, had always known he would probably still be in Boston with her, married with kids and a house...but hearing her say it made everything seem bigger. Or more tragic. He wasn't sure which.

Because he would have been happy. He might have not been living in a trailer in the middle of no where but knew he would have been happy. With Meredith and however many kids they would have had. It would have been kind of perfect. He was happy. He was really happy but still, he had never spent that much time thinking about it. Thinking about what could have been.

There had never been a part of him that had thought to think about what could have been. After he had left, he had been destroyed, and he had figured she was destroyed too. But with her here now and basically saying what could have been...they would have been happy. He had thought she was the one, he had thought she was it. They could have been happy.

And now he was happy. He was happy with his life even though Meredith was back in his life and everything seemed to be swirling around. Everything had turned upside down since she had come and they had to talk, they had to settle it all back down and figure out what they were going to be now, where they were going to be from here. Because they had to work together.

They could figure this out. They could figure this out and still be happy. But still...the conversation had left him dizzy and strangely very nervous. He couldn't place his finger on it. He couldn't place his finger on why his heart was racing, but he knew that something about the conversation had been...unexpected. Completely unexpected. And now they had to talk.