Silent Destruction

Being Honest

*Ari's P.OV.*

I hate the fact that I had everyone's attention. All those years I had convinced myself that... it was normal. But now that he's gone, I finally feel free. It's a great feeling. But I still need to explain how it started. That's going to take a lot of crying and I am not a crying person. No thank you. After all that, Lia called Roy, he told his parents what had happened, and they all came. Lia, Roy, Jax, and I were at his house, which was a 10-minute walk away. 

Jax and Lia were making dinner as Roy and I was choosing the movie. 

"I'm sorry," I whispered. "I should have told you before. I was -"

"Noo! Don't be sorry. I should have seen it coming! I should be the one apologizing." He said, placing my arms around me. He's the older brother Jason should have been, if that had been true then I wouldn't be here. 

I leaned on his shoulder and thought about all the events from today. It's really been a long day, hasn't it? School, inviting the Fillipe family to dinner and Jason. Oh yeah! I forgot something. I stood up, knowing Roy would stop me. 

"Don't worry, I'm just going to the kitchen." He just needed reassurance that I would be around trustworthy people. 

I hate people taking care of me as if I'm a butterfly that can easily break. I've lived with that monster for so long and no one found out. So what's the point of caring now?

"Hey," I started. "I just wanted to say thank you."

"You deserved it, after living with him for... how long was it?" Lia asked.

"Uh I think about 3 years," I whispered.

"3 years!!?!" 

"Yeah..."

"You're pretty strong."

"Yeah, I guess," I said, turning around.

"Oh yeah, Jax! Thank you, too," I said, turning back around.

"Mh," He said, without looking up from whatever he was making.

"Okay then, never mind.' I thought while turning around again, walking towards the living room. 

"Have you chosen the movie, yet?" I asked.

"Yeah, but I don't know if you'll like it -" 

"What is it?" I asked, feeling annoyed for no reason. 

"Love at the Sunset Terrace," Roy said, trying not to catch my eye. 

"Uhh, it's alright. I guess," I said, sensing it. "Sorry for snapping at you, I didn't mean it. I'm just really tired and -"

"It's okay, you don't need to explain it." 

"No. It's not okay."

"Wait. Sit down, I'll get everyone."

"I'm sorry," I whispered. 

Roy smiled and walked away. I had no idea if he had forgiven me, one of the few moments I don't understand him. Once everyone came with the food, I knew what I had to say.

"Guys, I need to tell you how it all started." I began. 

"No! Don't spoil it for me!" Lia shouted.

"Huuuh? What do you mean?" I asked confused. 

"You're talking about the movie, right?" She asked.

"Loll, nooo. I'm talking about Jason." I said, my mouth filled with disgust as I said his name. 

"Oh." 

"You don't need to," Jax said. That was the first sentence he had said since he saw that. 

"I really think you guys deserve to know." I continued.

"Fine, only if you're comfortable with it," Roy said. 

"Don't worry, I'm alright now." And so I began. "Before my mum met his dad, we had already met. 4 years ago, my mum, dad and I were living in my dad's childhood home, 3 hours away from here. Jason and his dad had just moved into the neighborhood, my parents weren't home most of the time so they had no idea. Jason went to my school and we started hanging out. One day,  he asked me out. I was pretty shocked and it was the holidays after, so I asked him to give me time until when we come back to school. During the holidays I thought about the fact that he could be my first boyfriend and he was pretty chill and cute."

Jax cleared his throat, probably shocked at this new information. Lia looked shocked too and so did Roy at the fact that I thought Jason was chill and cute. 

"Yeah, I don't know what got into me. I was pretty vulnerable before. So continuing the story, we had been dating for a few months and we grew attached to each other, or at least I thought so." 

There were a few minutes of silence before I got into the main part of the story. The part where I hoped something would happen so that I didn't have to tell them it and so I didn't have to remind myself about it. But then I remembered that it was my choice to tell them, and it was a good decision.

"One day, we were hanging out in his room, when he tried to do it with me. I told him I wasn't ready yet and we were too young. But then he was like 'everyone is doing it, why can't we?' and 'We've been dating for 3 months, why can't we do it?'. I tried to back up my point, but arguing with him was useless. So I went back to my house and thought about everything that had happened between us. That's when I realized that he only dated me for it. That's it. Nothing else. I told my parents that staying at my school was tiring me out, I couldn't tell them the real reason since they didn't even know that I was dating him in the first place. Then we moved here and my uh dad died.  After a year, Jason moved here too. It was a coincidence, but then my mum started dating his dad and they got married and he started." 

I tried to keep my tears in. I really did. It was now that I realized how much I bottled my feelings up. I hated crying in front of other people, no matter how close I was with them, so I ran upstairs to a random room and cried myself to sleep.