Once upon a time,
a writer easily wove stories of love, passion, and heartache. But then, she faced writer's block, unable to write anymore.
He came into her life like a storm. With his strong presence, her emptiness lessened. Yet, like storms, thin...
Worst luck of love - 6LACK (cover Marissa ft MoHaze)
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𝓜𝓮𝓪𝓷𝓲𝓷𝓰 𝓸𝓯 𝓜𝓾𝓼𝓮 (1)
A person or personified force who is the source of inspiration for a creative artist. Synonyms: inspiration, creative influence, stimulus, stimulation. So when someone says: "You are my muse" it simply means that they see you as a source of inspiration and they get creative because of you.
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This novel is fiction, except for the parts that aren't.
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❝𝕐𝕠𝕦 𝕒𝕟𝕕 𝕀 𝕨𝕚𝕝𝕝 𝕒𝕝𝕨𝕒𝕪𝕤 𝕓𝕖 𝕦𝕟𝕗𝕚𝕟𝕚𝕤𝕙𝕖𝕕 𝕓𝕦𝕤𝕚𝕟𝕖𝕤𝕤.❞
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The glow of my laptop screen illuminated the darkened room, its soft light casting a surreal aura around me. I felt many emotions as I looked at the blinking cursor. I finished my book, but the main character, who reminded me of someone I used to be so in love with, was now gone. He left my life a long time ago. It was only now that I got him completely out of my mind.
My fingers hovered over the keyboard, memories of a rocky relationship flooding my mind once again. He had been like a drug, addictive and destructive, leaving behind scars that ran deep within my soul. The memories of his manipulations and lies were deeply imprinted on my heart, a constant reminder of how I had fallen for someone so toxic.
In the stillness of my room, I couldn't help but connect the dots between my attraction to him and my unresolved daddy issues. My father's absence had left a void in my life, an ache for love and validation that I had unwittingly sought in the arms of my ex-boyfriend. I blamed myself for this vulnerability, for allowing myself to be ensnared by someone who only brought pain.
My thoughts wandered back to my teenage years, to the longing I felt for my father's presence. He was always away on business trips, leaving me and my mother to navigate the loneliness of an incomplete family. Deep down, I had wished my mother would confront him, yell at him, and demand the love and attention she deserved. But instead, she put on a facade of a perfect family when he was home, pretending that everything was alright, even though we both knew it wasn't.
The anger I felt towards my father grew stronger over the years as I thought about how he sought love and attention from the wrong places, betraying the family he had left behind. It was as if history had repeated itself in my life, with me choosing a partner who mirrored my father's mistakes.
As I stared at the blank screen, a tear rolled down my cheek, a mixture of pain, frustration, and determination. The story I had just finished writing made me feel better in many ways, but it also brought me face-to-face with my demons.
Love is a foreign concept to me, something I've never truly experienced. When I had my first boyfriend, I was utterly naïve and willing to embrace his every word and action. It was as if I were a devoted dog on a leash, and he held complete control as my owner. Losing my virginity to him was anything but pleasant.
I've always been a bookworm, finding solace in reading about the love I lacked in my life. However, losing my virginity didn't align with the romantic descriptions in the books I read. It felt like a chore. My virginity was something I had guarded for years.
Only for it to be over too quickly and without any real meaning or connection.
I loved reading, especially young adult and erotic romance novels. At the tender age of fourteen, I delved into the pages of Fifty Shades of Grey, naively oblivious to the risqué content concealed within its narrative. The men depicted within the pages of my favorite books held a captivating allure that real-life guys could never match.
Following my first romantic encounter, I resolved to only accept a partner who embodied the essence of those cherished male characters from my favorite literary adventures. Unless he resembled those captivating literary figures, my interest simply waned.
Having witnessed my dad's open infidelity, my mom, who chose to stay in the marriage, always cautioned me about charming men with deceitful intentions. Yet, had she set a different example for me, perhaps I wouldn't have found myself entangled with the devil's reincarnation. Though I know I shouldn't hold her responsible, somehow, it's easier to place blame on someone else for my own mistakes.
Love's journey is marked by twists and turns, capable of being both a tragic tale and a beautiful creation in the hands of romance authors. The essence of romance novels is woven with the threads of love, making them cease to exist without its presence. And God alone knows the extent of our yearning for those moments, allowing us to flee from the woes of our own awful love lives.
It may sound wild, but authors often embark on unexpected journeys, much like daring YouTubers seeking extreme content. In the past, I struggled as a romance author, battling writer's block. However, now I find myself overflowing with ideas, enough to write an entire trilogy.
My first boyfriend put me through hell, as he reminded me of the devil himself. Yet, little did I know, an even greater devil lurked in the shadows, ready to disrupt my life once more.
