Before Furry

Chapter 7

Double update for today.

***

I woke up late in the morning. The sun already shone brightly in the sky, cruelly woke me up against my will.

I looked at the table clock beside my bed. The short hand was pointed at 9. School should have already started by now, yet I couldn't attend because I was still suspended.

There was nothing I could do about it, so I just went to sleep again. But then I woke up. I didn't want to, but I was forced, thanks to my stomach that demanded to be filled. It really was not friendly right now because I skipped dinner last night.

I got up and went downstairs. It was empty like usual, but the silence was unusual. Normally there would be some sounds of mom doing her activities in the house or dad preparing himself to go to work. The latter was rare though as he tended to leave early.

Or maybe they weren't home yet. I didn't remember hearing them get back yesterday, so I didn't know. In fact, perhaps I didn't want to know.

I didn't want to know if they would come back together still a pair or not.

I made a bowl of cereal like always. For some reason, it tasted like cardboard today, though it never tasted good before. My mouth felt dry until I realized I haven't put the milk in yet.

I skipped the shower. I wouldn't go out anyway and nobody was gonna nag me for it. I was too lazy for it.

I went to my room and lay down on the bed again. Now, what should I do?

I turned on my computer and played some games. I had some games on my computer that I played sometimes, but right now I didn't get any of the fun out of it.

I opened my social media. I didn't have anyone that I knew in there irl as I used it mainly to follow the artists that I like and stuff. There was nothing interesting there, except some drama over stupid things.

I watched some porn. There was nothing that I hadn't watched yet, and I couldn't enjoy it as I wasn't in the mood for that.

I turned off the computer frustratedly. Before I realized it, tears started to drop onto my lap. I wiped them off with my shirt, but they didn't stop. Finally, I buried my face in my arms as I leaned on the table.

Why? Why was it so hard for me to be happy? Why did everyone seem to hate me? Why did the world hate me?

I couldn't remember when the last time I was truly happy here. There were too many painful memories in this place.

My arm nudged off something to the floor. I glanced at it and found my diary that had fallen open on the floor.

I wiped my nose and picked it up. I stared at the page that I wrote last night with a hint of tears on the letters. Even in a shaken condition, I still forced myself to fill the book.

I skimmed page by page. Most of them just contained bitter memories and the like. There was hardly anything that could be called a happy memory.

I threw the book on the table. I wonder why I write a diary in the first place.

It had already been my habit since I was still little perhaps.

My habit since I was still little.

Still little.

Little...

...

Did I also write a diary when I was still little?

I tried to recall my life in the countryside. I don't remember much because it was already a long time ago. It was like there was a barrier that prevented me from remembering it.