How do you live when nobody wants you to live?|| Wong Yukhei

My Brain

Quick disclaimer: This story surrounds the whole Baekhyun/Lucas issue. The one about weigh. I am in no way saying that saying "As heavy as a pig" was right or justifying what he said but, BUT, A. They are adults I think they can solve their issues or problems by themselves and B. I think there are better ways to educate people other than sending death threats and hate, but maybe that's just me idk.

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He was joking, playing around, fooling with his friends, but apparently, not everyone saw it like that. Maybe...maybe he had really hurt his hyung. Maybe he was a terrible human being and everything everyone had been saying for the past month was true.

His fingers slid through the screen, his face was illuminated by the dim light of the phone and his tears sparkled in the dark. Comment after comment, DM after DM, and he could feel his heart crushing as if it was being crushed by someone's hand. Broken into a thousand pieces, discarded for being useless.

"You dare call someone pig when you can't be fatter, you should probably look at yourself in the mirror before judging someone else,"

"Do you even have a fucking brain? How is it possible for someone to be so dumb,"

"Nobody loves you,"

"You should at least learn how to speak first,"

"Are you going to fat-shame your fans next?"

"YOU SHOULD BE DEAD!"

"Why don't you go and die? You would be doing the world a favour,"

"I'm going OT22, nobody needs you,"

"Fat,"

"You should just kill yourself,"

........I know.

He knew. He now knew he was a terrible human being, he was dumb and useless and he couldn't even speak properly. He had been wrong, because he was always wrong. Xuxi choked on his tears, not wanting to wake up Winwin who was sleeping peacefully on the other side of the room.

Water rained down his cheeks, soaking his pillow just like words swam through his mind soaking his brain.

When this all started, he had gone to his hyung, asking for forgiveness, with tears on his eyes and shaky hands. He had been assured that he hadn't hurt anyone, that if he ever did, they would tell him and they would talk it out. He was told not to overthink and not to take other people's opinions too harshly. That didn't stop the comments, nor the DMs and more importantly, it didn't stop his thoughts and his mind from constantly attacking him.

Xuxi knew that none of those comments were true or right but, after months of people drilling into his brain that he was not worth anything, he didn't even know what was true and what was not. His brain was a muddle of thoughts and, if he was being completely honest, we could no longer differentiate between his own thoughts and people's opinions.

He curled up on himself with his phone still in his hands. Tears rolled down freely just like they had been doing every night for the past month. His body shook slightly at the small sobs that escaped his mouth, his knuckles turned white from grabbing his phone too strong and even though he tried, for the sake of Winwin's sleep, small whimpers still forced their way out of his lips.

His phone vibrated in his hands. Instagram and Twitter notifications had been muted -Instagram the sake of his sanity- so, he didn't think those were the causes of the sudden vibrations, even if probably hundreds of DMs were coming in, plus, it was already past midnight and everyone in the dorm was asleep so the unexpected notification piqued his curiosity.