How do you live when nobody wants you to live?|| Wong Yukhei

I am

Notes:
I've been reading this story that, ten out of ten, would recommend if you are into heavy angst and My Hero Academia. It's called "The Kids Will Be Alright Eventually" in ao3 and aaah it's so sad and so pwetty, but sad, I cry.

That was my shoutout just cause, it's too good.

Anyways, enjoyyyyyyyyyyyy!

—————————————————————

Three weeks.

It had been three weeks since Kai and Taemin had found him in that dirty bathroom. Three weeks since he had received the diet plan by his manager. Three weeks since he had seen the picture of that  perfect - no, sick, girl. Three weeks since he had found himself completely unworthy of being an idol, no, that isn't true, he had known he was unworthy of being an idol the second he stepped inside the company but, they were three weeks since the voices inside his head had started to matter a lot more.

Three weeks...three weeks and absolutely nothing was better.

A heavy sigh pushed its way past his lips as he carried his body to Nct U's dance practice. His forehead was sweaty and his muscles achy, not surprising considering he had just been in SuperM's practice, which had been just after WayV's one.

He knew that Ten, Taeyong and Mark were probably just as purely exhausted as he was but, that was different because  they  were different.

None of them would break like a stick every time a complete  stranger  sent an offensive message to their DMs, nor would they go into full-blown panic mode every time someone mentioned going out to eat...eat..he cringed at the thought.

Food was a...delicate topic in his brain, to say the least. It had been only three weeks since his perfectly adjusted, courtesy of himself in collaboration with his manager, diet plan had begun. Seven bites every meal being the norm, no dinners, and when hungry he drank water.

Sure, it was hard, cravings attacking him every so often...more often than he would like to admit but he knew from the start that he wouldn't be able to follow all the rules at once, he would have to go slow but, that didn't stop the voices in his head telling oh how useless he was... A whiny bitch, they had said.

He had started with 15 bites per meal, small dinner, 1000kcal a day, he thought he was doing ok, he didn't feel too tired, and it looked, just a little, like he may actually be accomplishing his goal of looking decent enough to be considered an idol... that was all shattered once he looked at the scale after the second week.

Their manager had come in, scale in hand. They all knew what a weight check was, they had been doing it since they were trainees so, it wasn't something unusual. What was unusual was the feeling of dread that overwhelmed him when he looked at the small machine as if it was ready to swallow him into a black hole and keep him captive in his misery.

Despite that, he still stepped foot on the thing, swallowing the lump in his throat or at least, attempting to.

His brain had begged him not to look at the number below him but, after seeing his manager's face, filled with confusion, he had no option but to look.

62kg...

62kg

62 kg?!

He was dizzy, needed to sit down-

No, he needed to escape, run as fast as his legs allowed him to but instead, he just stepped down the scale, his eyes never leaving the number as it went down to 0.