Second Sphere

Bucky's journal

'Throne. I don't know her name, they just called her Throne. She was horrible because of what they made her. Beautiful because of what they couldn't take from her.'

'Hydra was many things, merciful isn't one of those things. The tortured us both. She eased the pain from my torture, I don't know how. Whatever they did to her gave her that. She just had to touch my hand and there was a sense of calm and peace.'

'I remember the river, her face. There were no wings but she was still an angel. Her voice telling me it's going to be okay. Her English was horrible I remember that, broken by a thick Austrian accent. I remember her screaming as they took us away.'

'They would make me watch her torture. The procedures they would do on her. The wings were the worst one. They looked huge and garish. The pair was so large it swallowed her small frame. Eventually they stopped making me watch her torture.'

'Whenever I woke up she was there. One of the guards said she stays outside the chamber for however long I am inside. Sleeping on the floor. Refusing to leave my side. I don't know why.'

'They say words and I am under Hydra's control again, they perform memory wipes and I can't remember anything. Until she restores them. She says my mind would be lost without it, completely shattered. Her accent is less thick now, her English is better.'

'We both hate missions. But we also have the most freedom on them. She removes the mask they put on me so I can be comfortable. They made it almost impossible for me to take off by myself. She wraps her wings around us like blankets and sleeps by my side. Throne is small and fragile, but warm. I'll protect her too.'

'They found out what we do during missions. We had gotten careless and took too much of each other for ourselves. And we got caught. They tortured each of us in front of the other. And then they put each of us in cryostasis chambers. She didn't go with me on missions after that.'

'I see her on the tv. On the papers. She got out. Throne is free. Does she know I'm out? Is she looking for me too? She looks beautiful flying through the air, she's saving people now. She deserves to live her life in the sun now. I won't take that from her.'

It's at this point I close the journal. I had cried through reading most of it. Some pages were filled of drawings he did of me. Others were either short sentences or long stories from missions and from training. But the ending. I never stopped looking for him, and he didn't seek me out as a way to protect me. Sometimes I'm described as ethereal and merciful other times as hideous and cruel. I'm not sure in which way he actually sees me. But I've invited myself into his thoughts through this journal. And I had no right to. Guilt floods over me and I put all of the notebooks away in the backpack before laying down. I still have the hoodie and I fall asleep clutching it.