Ivy Cordelia Boarding School

Chapter Thirty-One

s.

"Sweetheart, why are you calling so late? Is everything okay?" my mom asks, concerned. I could hear my dad's light snoring in the background, as well as the covers ruffling around as she adjusted her body to the optimal 'on the phone in bed' position. 

"I want to come home" I whisper, my voice cracking slightly on the last word. I stare out the huge picture window at the back of the house, watching Armani and Skylar whoop with laughter as they pound on another with snowballs. I was happy for him. The last thing I wanted was for him to be as sad as he seemed earlier. And although I knew that he still was, he seemed to be handling it better.

"What does home mean to you right now, Selah?".

"With you and dad. I'd really love a hug from the two of you right now. And this boarding school thing is getting kind of old. Can I have a tutor like Grammy did? I want a hug from her, too. And Grandpa" I say, drawing a tiny heart in the fog on the window. 

"I'm not going to tell you no, darling, but I am going to ask you WHY? You were doing so well there? What about ICDC? You're just going to leave that behind? You were so excited about getting in".

My mom was smart, and I've always admired her for it. She didn't mention my friend's or Armani, because neither of those things were guaranteed. My talent and love for dancing would always be there. And she was right. I hadn't thought about ICDC at all.

"You're right. I'm just saying stupid things because I'm sad. Armani and I broke up because I'm a coward. He told me that he loved me and I may have...panicked a little".

She groans. "Selah Noelle Stryker, what did you do?" she asks in a scolding tone.

"I...tried to sleep with Cason Jett to ruin things so that Armani would hate me. The guy stopped it because he saw that I wasn't really into it, so now we're broken up and I'm so sad and I want to come home. At least for a little while. Can I?".

"Of course you can. And this might be the last place you go, unless your dad stops me from killing you. You don't use your body as a weapon".

"I know, mom, but I don't want to be lectured right now" I say exasperatedly.

"That's fine. I'll just wait until you're in my presence, then. The driver's going to drop you off at the school to get clothes, and your dad and I will pick you up from there. I love you".

"I love you, too".

"See how easy that was?" she asks, hanging up the phone before I can respond.

***

I get the idea later to help Nastassia, and text my mom about it. She's happy to help and sets things up as quickly as only she'd be able to. 

My trauma called out to hers too much for me to ever ignore it. She behaved the way she did because of the things that happened in her life, and I wanted to make it better. Looking at her actions without knowing her background, I assumed she had abandonment issues. 

She needed a real friend, who actually wanted the best for her. Ken and Ell did, but she ruined it. They didn't understand her pain, anyway. They didn't recognize it in her eyes when they did something without her. They'd never know to look for it, or what to look for. And although it wasn't their responsibility, having people around who fought demons the same way you had to, helped a lot. 

I wanted to try. 

But the way her eyes lit up when I said Armani and I broke up, hurt more than it usually would since I didn't have my guard up. I thought it'd help me connect with her, to be vulnerable, but it didn't. And it's not like I could force her to come with me anyway, so when she requests to go back to the cabin, I don't argue with her. 

My parents meet me there, and they wait for me to gather my clothes, before beginning the driving home. My mom, because she's the best, sits in the backseat with me while my dad drives, to cuddle. I fall asleep in her arms during the ride, and although I wake up, my dad carries me to their bed. I sleep in between them like I used to do when I had nightmares as a kid.

I couldn't have asked for better parents.

Still, in the morning, they sit me down at the table to have 'a talk'. We had the one about the birds and the bee's over the phone, on the day before my date with 'that guy'. Things kind of went to shit after that. The birds AND the bee's can kiss my ass.

"We want you to tell us why you did what you did, Selah" my mom says, going straight for the kill like she always does, while looking as serene as ever. 

"I told you why. I was sad and-".

"No, not that. The fire, Selah. Why did you start the fire?" my dad asks.

I freeze, feeling completely blindsided by the topic of conversation. They never asked before, hoping that I'd just come to tell them on my own, but I never did. I guess they realized that I hadn't planned to.

"Why are we talking about this?".

"Because we want to understand why you do the things that you do. We love you to death and you can tell us anything. Even if you did it just because you felt like it, we'll still love you just the same" my mom explains.

"Right. Well, I guess that's the answer, then. I just FELT like it".

"But, that's a lie. You wouldn't set fire to a building because you felt like it. I know the girl I dropped off at that school, and you're not HER anymore. Why did you do it?" my dad asks, getting out of his seat to take the one beside me. He forces me to look at him, searching my eyes for an answer that he's wanted for much too long, now.

"Stop shutting me out. Why won't you tell us?" he asks sadly. I can tell that he thinks that he failed as a parent because I wouldn't open up to him about it. But their parenting was what kept me from being the   monster that I used to battle against everyday. 

"Because I don't want you guys to DO anything about it. I just want it to go away, and if I tell you, you won't let that happen".

My mom comes around the table and takes place on my dad's lap and he instinctively places a kiss on her temple, which makes me smile. I love how much they love one another. I want that for myself.

"We'll do whatever you want with the information you tell us, no matter how hard that will be. We just want to be there for you" my mom promises, taking my hand in hers.

I take a deep breath.

"The Dean's son...took advantage of me after the date that I told you guys about Freshman year. And then, years later, I found out that even after he graduated, he was using that gardener's shed to do it to other girls. I saw one of them come out, crying, one night. So, I tried to light it on fire while he was still inside. Unfortunately, he escaped".

They don't freak out like I thought they would- calling lawyer's and anyone important to join forces in ruining all of their lives. Instead, they pull me into the pile on my dad's lap and hug me, shielding me from the world for just that little while. 

It's exactly what I needed.