His blade was sharp, but he was dull (Chongyun x Xingqiu)

Family Buisness

Xingqiu woke up even more tired. He wasn't fond of his thoughts. He woke up today with even darker circles, but at this point he didn't care.
''have good posture always smile forget about him' ran through his mind.
He walked outside, sharpening his blade, His blade was shiny, and now sharp to a touch, any thing would be cut.
Xingqiu saw his own reflection, 'dull' he thought. All he could do was spend time with his family and train, and that's what he did, he had to forget about Chongyun. Without Chongyun, Xingqiu felt like he was less, like he was negative.
Emotion practically eradicated from Xingqiu's face. He looked the same, but he didn't feel the same.
His world was seeking color,
his world was seeking emotion,
his world was seeking happiness,
his world was seeking.. Chongyun.
His sword skills were very much improving, but he didn't want to care, although the had to. Having to try and revive his clan while his parents only cared for economics was hard for him. He'd zone out a lot, but he still knew a lot as well.
He knew a lot about economics.
But he hated when his family talked about it every family meeting, knowing he would do everything for his brother.
He got yelled at often for asking to change the topic, he tried saying about reviving the clan but all he got was nothing.
He sat in his room wondering what he could do.
Yet all he could do was try and make his family proud.
He stopped talking much, he started staying home and training more often.
Would it make his family proud tho?
Or would he just think that?
Whatever the reason, his family didn't care, but he tried. Faking everything even himself to even get his family to tell him a little "Good job" in anything other than stupid economy. But he had to try.
He didn't know what to do though.
He was clueless without color.
He was clueless without him.
He had to guide himself somewhere, he had to know more.
But how? Without Chongyun he felt empty, like he was a missing a part of him.
'It'll go away soon' He thought, it was only a week and the way he felt about Chongyun was just because they're great friends, right?
He hated not knowing what he was feeling.
'is it love?' He thought, but immediately denied it, he and Chongyun were just great friends.
He focused on family to get his mind off of it, it worked but all he did was feel empty.
All he did was feel deprived. He felt like he was missing himself.
His real self. But that's not important.
He wrote a letter to Chongyun.
'Dear Chongyun,
i miss you a lot, but this letter shall be short.
I await for your arrival.
I hope you have fun.
dearest apologies,
Xingqiu."
It was late when he sent it.
But he never got a letter.
So he stayed up, looking at economy books, tryna make his family proud.
But he was confused.
Why was he feeling so empty.
Why was he so dull.
Maybe it's cause Chongyun didn't write a letter. Or maybe it's because he missed hanging out with him and his friends.
But he hated that feeling.
He hated himself.
And for that, he yelled inside his head.
And for that his tears comforted him to sleep.
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Authors note:IM SO SORRY I DIDNT UPDATE IT THAT MUCH I WAS BUSY BUT I SWEAR ILL WRITE MORE- also sorry for the spelling mistakes-)