INSIDE MY HEAD

nhoj

Mahirap ang maging panganay
lalo sa mga taong hindi ka kayang pahalagahan ng tunay. Nakakalungkot isipin na kahit anong gawin ng isang tulad ko kung hindi nakikita ang kahalagahan ng isang tao ay hindi ka talaga kayang ma appreciate ng taong pinapahalagahan mo.  Masakit ou, masakit maging isang ate sa kapatid mong hindi ka kayang pahalagahan or intindihin ang mga ginagawa mo para sa pamilya.

I can say that whatever struggles i can have, whatever hard it is.  I can still make it for them, kaya kong ndi mapagod yet hindi ko kayang hindi masaktan at hindi magdamdam. 

Coz whatever things i would do for them specially for him.  I am Still a fucking useless bitch. coz for him I am JUST his older sister who is boastful and annoying stupid bitch for him.

I honestly speaking that my family is my Kryptonite... And they are the one who can trigger my bitterness, hatred, being unwanted, useless they can even triggered my depression and anxiety.

I really do care for them,
I love them,  I  want to let them have the things they want Even though  I can't. I want to make things possible
even how hard it is.  and yet somehow I wish that they actually care for me the way I care for them. Although I know that they don't see it that way.