Amaranthine | k.jh

chapter three

"could you hold me like this forever?"

"how are you wearing just a t-shirt? it's 15 degrees outside!"

you send me that dazzling smile of yours. "testing mother nature."

i scoff. "testing your luck, more like it. get in before you catch a cold and die."

"people don't die from little colds, daseul." you taunt, but oblige me in my demand.

"stupid boy," i mutter, wrapping a faded plaid blanket around your shoulders.

"thank you for taking care of me," you murmur, and i'm suddenly made aware of the closeness of our proximity.

"of course, you'd do the same for me, wouldn't you?"

"daseul..." you sound so sad, and my eyes seek yours.

"what is it?"

"you're giving so much to me. i feel like a lousy friend, just stealing off of you and your goodness, i-"

"jonghyun! enough. i don't want to hear any more of this conversation. i would never leave a friend in need without help. why don't you see that you're not a nuisance? do you see how much joy you've brought to our household? my dad hasn't laughed as much as you make him laugh in months. my brother finally has an older brother. my mom loves your help around the house and your contagious smile. i... well, you know what you've done for me."

your chestnut eyes are blotted red with tears threatening to free fall. you don't look like you can form a full word, let alone a sentence, but you manage to get out:

"and what have i done for you?"

i don't expect this, so i'm caught off-guard. "you've helped me find my humanness. you've shown me what it is to love so deeply to my bones. to care for and to treasure someone."

in another unprecedented move, you bury your face into my neck. i simply hold you, letting you cry for a while.

"what's happening? why is jonghyun hyung crying?"

i look over at the new presence- my younger brother, youngmin. he stares at us with round eyes. he's many years younger than the two of us, so he is naive still.

"jonghyun is confused and frustrated and he needs to let out his emotions in a healthy, controlled way. this is just how he's coping."

youngmin's enormous eyes flit down to the boy in my arms. he seems to be processing what i've said, his mind analyzing every word like it always does. he has always taken the saying 'think before you speak' very seriously.

"mom... mom says that-"

"i know. she says boys shouldn't cry. but have you ever seen the way she comforts dad when he is upset because of work? do you think she really believes that, or do you think she's just telling us what her parents told her?"

another silent moment. i notice your sobs have also come to a standstill.

"i think she doesn't really believe that."

"do you believe boys shouldn't cry?" you ask him.

youngmin shakes his head. "boys can cry. when i scraped my knee last week, i cried and it made me feel better."

you giggle. "good point! it does make you feel better."

youngmin pouts suddenly. "hyung, why are you crying?"

"your sister made me,"

"noona! why would you do that?"

i subtly step on your toes. "he's just teasing," i tell youngmin, fighting a grin as you pinch me in retaliation.

he looks mildly confused for a short minute before he decides it's time for him to leave. "okay. i think mommy wants me to help her with the laundry. bye bye!"

as soon as he's gone down the basement steps, i smack your chest. "brat."

for the millionth time in your life, you give me that grin that makes me forget my name. "your brother is cute,"

"he's strange,"

"he's cute," you insist, and when your breath tickles my collarbone i'm reminded of how close we are.

"your clothes are wet," i say without thinking.

"it's not bothering me," and lord, something in your tone is driving me insane.

"jonghyun?" i whisper, and i feel like i might throw up because of how hard my heart is pounding.

"yeah?"

i can't bring myself to say anything, so i put my head on your chest and sigh heavily, as if that might solve my problems.

"feelings are hard," you say simply, and for a moment i panic before you add, "any kind. all of them. you know what i mean? feelings and emotions suck."

i nod against your warmth. i just want to stay like this forever, just me and you and our special connection and your beautiful words and loving voice.

"i'm so glad you're here," i breathe at last, but my voice cracks, and the tears rain down.

"hey you, why are you crying? am i rubbing off on you that much?"

"shut up," i smoosh my face further into your chest, "let me cry in peace."

"yes, ma'am," you tease, and i feel myself grinning before i can stop.

frick you and your unending ability to make me happy beyond comparison.

a/n:
i cried while rereading this lmfao i'm so alone </3