When in doubt, jump in head first

9. Out of Goblin Town and into trouble

Staring at the pustule-filled, deformed face of the King Goblin, Laelynn decided that when she next saw Gandalf, she was going to rip his fucking beard off. That motherfucker was probably lounging around at the end of the mountain, waiting for the group. He'd be waiting for a long fucking time if some miracle didn't  show up and save them.

After falling down the tunnel under the cave (and hadn't that been fun), the group had been captured by a load of Goblins (nothing like the ones at Gringotts; these ones were definitely not bankers). Their weapons had been stolen from them, and only a Confundus had them skipping her wand and knives. She had been too late for her sword, and it was sitting on the top of the pile of weapons being dragged along in one of the carts.

She'd grabbed Bilbo and shoved him to the middle of the group, along with Fíli, Kíli and Ori, so he was protected on all sides by the other dwarves and herself. They had been taken over rickety bridges and wooden platforms to a large cavern, where the Great Goblin lounged on his throne (he had to be him: who else would sit on a throne made of bones?).

He jumped off his throne (seriously, eww) and stomped over to the dwarves, crushing a number of smaller goblins underfoot. He sprayed spittle as he began to speak, "Who would be so bold as to come armed into my kingdom?" he questioned, "Spies? Thieves? Assassins?" his voice increased in pitch with every word he spoke, until he was screeching into the silence that pervaded the cavern.

"Dwarves, Your Malevolence," said a small goblin in front of Laelynn, "A small child of some sort." She could feel Bilbo bristling behind her, but the goblin spoke again, "And a female." She scowled, and kicked it in the back, which gained her a screech of pain, but the damage had already been done.

"Oho oho, a female, you say?" asked the Great Goblin. He leaned forward until he was nose to nose with her, and Laelynn was using every ounce of self-control she had to not start retching at his stench. "Yes, definitely a female. Oh, we'll have fun with her, boys," he said, and there was a great cheer from the goblins perched around the cavern. He backed away, and turned to the goblin, who was still rubbing it's back.

"We found them on the Front Porch," it said, correctly divining what it's leader wanted to know.

"What are you waiting for?" he cried, "Search them! Every crack, every crevice!" The goblins surrounding them took to their task with glee, grabbing anything and everything from the group. Óin's hearing trumpet was crushed underfoot by a goblin, and others were dumping their packs out on the platform they were on (she was forever grateful she kept all her stuff in her pouch). A large number of things Laelynn remembered seeing in Rivendell fell out of one pack, and more than a few eyes turned to a sheepish-looking Nori.

"Jus' a couple of keepsakes," he stated at Dori's incredulous look. The Great Goblin had turned to stare at them again, after throwing one of the candelabras into the gloom of the cave.

"What are you doing in these parts?" he asked. No one answered, and he tried a different tack. "If they won't talk, we'll make them squawk," he shouted gleefully, and received a clamour of agreement from the goblins perched on the walls. "Bring out the Mangler!" he yelled, "Bring out the Bone-Breaker!" His eyes gained an unholy light, "We'll start with the female," he cried, pointing at her.

"'The female' has a name," Laelynn muttered petulantly, but her voice was lost in the din the goblins were making.

"Wait!" cried Thorin, stepping forward and pushing her back. She scowled at his back as the King Goblin peered closely at the dwarf. She wasn't completely defenseless; the goblins had, again, missed her knives and her wand, and she wasn't above stabbing one in the back if she could.