Awakenings: The Greek, The Russian and Me

Chapter 6

Between work, school, and late evening phone conversations with Conn, this week has been so busy it's just flown by. I can't believe it's Friday, and next week is spring break. I could really use the time off. I have some assignments that need to be completed. Maybe I can snag some extra hours at work, since my last tuition installment will be coming due soon. My dad wants me to come over and help him with some paper- work he doesn't understand, and my mom has made a "Fran spring break to-do list." It's too early on a Friday morning to be thinking so much, I say to myself as I climb the stairs toward the side entrance doors. I'm early today; a nice cup of hazelnut coffee would be wonderful right about now.

I head toward the escalator and down toward the cafeteria. As I approach the cafeteria, I can't help but notice the two tables full of Greeks loudly chatting in their na- tive language. I slow my pace trying to listen to their language, and as I'm glancing in their direction, I see Conn there chatting away. He's standing; there is a girl seated right next to him and a bunch of other Greeks sitting and standing around the tables. He looks up and looks straight at me; there is no smile on his face. I quickly look away, enter the cafeteria, and head straight for the coffee machines. My mind is racing a million miles per hour. Who was that girl? She was so beautiful and dressed to kill. I wonder if she's Greek. Automatically I pour and prepare my coffee and head to the register, which is in clear view of the Greek tables. My hands are clammy as I search for the change needed to pay the coffee. I hand the exact amount to the cashier, lifting my gaze to quickly glance at the Greek tables. To my astonishment they are both gone. Where did they go? Anxiety fills me as I look down at myself and see jeans, a flannel shirt, and sneakers. Who am I kidding? Why would he want me when he can have her? Deflated, I make my way to class.

I listen to Lisa happily chat about her plans for spring break. She asks if I have any special plans, and, feeling inferior, I lie and say I'm spending part of the break in Connecticut with some cousins. She smiles and looks genuinely happy for me, which makes me feel even more miserable for having made up a stupid lie. But my life is so boring and complicated at the same time. My parents are divorced, and they can't stand each other and are constantly badmouthing one another. I live in a barely furnished apartment with my mom. It's a two-bedroom apartment, and literally the only furniture we have is a kitchen table with two chairs, one living-room sofa chair, a TV propped on a small old nightstand in the living room, my mom's full bed and nightstand, and my full bed, my nightstand, and a small table I use as a desk. Oh, don't let me forget the one crazy cat. We have moved so much that I really don't have friends that I've grown up with except for Pete. My mother doesn't get along with her family except her younger sister, which means that she has distanced us from them. So it's basically her and me. I just wish things could be different. I like Lisa; she is really nice, but sometimes I feel extremely jealous. I would switch places with her in a heartbeat. She has the looks, the brains, and a great family.

Dr. Liberman walks into the class, and for the first time in a long time, I feel relieved to see him. I don't want to think about Conn and that beautiful girl, about Lisa with her perfect life, or about my life. I want to focus my attention on biology. The only way I can change my life is if I educate myself, make my own way, and move out. I take a deep sigh and turn all my attention and focus on the lecture. Time really flies by, and at the end of class, Lisa tells me, "If you have time during spring break, give me a call, and we can go to the mall or something." I smile and thank her, knowing her of- fer is genuine.

I have an hour before my next class. Still no sign of Conn. My mind is thinking a thousand things at once. I decide to head over to the library and do some research on a paper for history class that is due after spring break. The library is pretty quiet, except for small groups of students gathered at different tables. I walk to the reference section and request the books I need and head toward an empty table. Spreading out my belongings, I immerse myself in the assignment, take notes, and find that time has gone by pretty fast. A while later a girl sits at my table. She is quietly studying. Then to my displeasure, the treasured silence is disrupted as a guy joins her and they begin chatting. Unable to concentrate, I look at my watch; there are twenty minutes until my next class. Not getting any further in my assignment, I return the books, pack up, gather my belongings, and head toward my next class.