For You, I Could Pretend To Be...

Right

The next few weeks were... different.

The dances felt rusty like an old tool that had been forgotten. They went over a lot.

They filmed less than before, a lot less. Jimin was glad. He needed more time to... sort things out. They were still discussing changes and a new album. He tried to ignore the way Yoongi and Namjoon stiffened at the mention of more lyrics.

He felt artificial. All his smiles, his strides, the way he still seemed fine with the makeup, it was all fake.

They were back in the apartment now. Yoongi looked close to his breaking point.

"Goddamnit. Can't they see?" He muttered.

"Hyung?" Namjoon asked.

"Why the fuck do we need to wear makeup? We're not... we're not girls."

The room grew cold. Cold and very tense. Jimin froze and turned to look at Yoongi slowly.

He looked... confused. Weren't they all?

But... Yoongi was right, wasn't he? They weren't girls. They shouldn't wear makeup.

It didn't make sense. Why were they wearing makeup in the first place? They were... men. Adult men. They shouldn't have worn any to begin with. Now that Jimin was thinking about it, what was with all the frills? The frilly outfits, the skin revealing, the seduction. They weren't... it wasn't... was it?

This was what they'd been doing this whole time. Wearing makeup, singing on a stage, performing, being touchy with each other.

(You liked it, a voice in the back of his head whispered.)

He didn't like it though. How could he? It was... wrong. Yeah. Wrong.

"What?" Taehyung was the first to speak after Yoongi's outbreak.

"I mean, he has a point, Tae." Jimin says after.

"What do you mean? This is what we've been doing the whole time. We're not the only singers who wear makeup."

"Yeah, but makeup's... for-" Jimin began.

"Don't you finish that fucking sentence." Hoseok muttered.

"What?! Finish what sentence, hyung? Makeup's for girls!" Jimin said, raising his voice gradually. "And all this frilly shit, what are we doing? Singing about our fucking feelings like lovestruck teens! We're grown fucking men!"

"I'm warning you right now, Jimin-ah, keep going and we're going to have some problems." Hoseok warned.

"What? Stop being so fragile!" Yoongi snapped. "We're artists. We don't need this shit! We don't need to act like fucking prostitutes on the stage selling our goddamn bodies like some over-expensive whorehouse!"

"Shut your goddamn mouth!" Hoseok argued. "What happened to you, huh? If you hate it so much-"

"Hyung, don't." Taehyung pleaded.

"Fuck off, Taehyung-ssi. Did you learn nothing?" Yoongi growled.

Taehyung's eyes flashed. "I learned enough to be able to beat your fucking ass."

"If all of you don't shut it, I'll make you." An eerily calm voice hushed them all. It was Jin who spoke. "I don't know what happened to all of you, but I don't really care about your arguments right now. I know we've all had a long day, and since you all seem to be incapable of speaking without going at each other's throats, you may all leave the kitchen. I'm going to clean up with Taehyung. Get your shit together."

They all left the room with one last glare, save for Namjoon who just looked tired. In all his anger, Jimin had forgotten that he shared a room with Hoseok. Well, he didn't exactly forget, it was just pushed to the back of his mind.

Hoseok was still mad at him. Jimin didn't really know why, did Hoseok not have a problem with what they were doing? Was he... no. He couldn't be.

(But you are, his voice whispered, you even came to terms with it, remember? No. He wasn't. That wasn't true. He'd been lying. Anything else was illogical.)

Hoseok didn't speak to him when he entered their shared room. Jimin ignored the way his heart seemed to twinge painfully. He must be getting tired.

~~~

Things were tense the next morning. Hoseok, Jin, and Taehyung were only speaking to each other.

Well, two could play at that game.

Jimin only spoke to Yoongi.

Not that Yoongi spoke very much, but it's the thought that counts.

Jimin, as far as he knew, was up second, with Namjoon being first. He woke up at 5:45am, 15 minutes later than he'd hoped, but he reminded himself that there was no one to yell at him for getting a few extra minutes. He almost worked himself into a panic attack when he woke up and saw the time.

He didn't panic though (not outwardly anyway), of course he didn't.

Yoongi, surprisingly enough, was the next person awake. Jimin didn't think of a time when Yoongi was the most difficult to wake up.

Then Jin. He woke up and completely ignored Jimin and Yoongi.

The last people up were Hoseok and Taehyung. They woke at around 8am. Jimin didn't know how they did it. He didn't want to know what their experience in the military was like if this was how they were now.

(But he did. He wanted them to tell him everything and he would do the same.)

Jin, Hoseok, and Taehyung went out for breakfast, leaving the other 4 to figure something out for themselves.

It was... uncomfortable, to say the least. Namjoon didn't seem to know what to say to them. Jimin could tell he was disappointed, though he didn't know why. Wasn't he disgusted?

Jungkook was silent.

(You know why.)

(No he didn't.)

"Jimin hyung?" Jungkook said quietly.

"Yes, Jungkook-ah?" Jimin replied, happy to be talking to someone other than Yoongi.

"You don't... really think what we do is... wrong, do you?"

Jimin was frozen, Jungkook continued.

"All those smiles on stage and when you dance... was that... wrong?"

Namjoon was listening now. Yoongi had disappeared a while ago.

"All the people who... l-love you for who you are... who you were, were they wrong too? Say something, hyung."

"I... you...." Jimin stuttered.

Namjoon quietly left the room. Jimin found his eyes watching the back of Namjoon's head instead of Jungkook.

"Look at me! Please, hyung! I... I don't understand! Before, you were... you were so different! You said... you promised...."

Jimin's eyes widened. He remembered the incident Jungkook was referring to. It caused a bit of controversy when he'd first said it, but he remembered how proud he was. "I was with Jungkook."

They'd made a lot of promises that night. Jimin had promised to be there forever, Jungkook had said he'd take Jimin out to the countryside and they would stay in a nice little cottage, they said they'd finally get together after service. So many promises, Jimin didn't even remember most of them.

"I... we... yeah. We were wrong. It was all... wrong." Jimin said quietly. Jimin didn't want to turn around. He didn't know if he could bear to see the look in Jungkook's face.

He did it anyway.

Jungkook's eyes were wide as saucers, brimming with unshed tears. His hands were trembling and he looked completely heartbroken. Jungkook bit his lip and Jimin turned away as the tears began to spill over.

"I... I'm sorry." Jimin mumbled.

As he left the room, he could hear Jungkook say, "I know."