I Don't Like This World, I Only Like You

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Chapter 1: This is What it Feels Like to Date a Male Virgo

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Last year, our company conducted a programme in a relatively rural mountainous area. Stuck in the crowd, I was shoved and fell onto the ground. My legs struck a rock in the process, and stars appeared before my eyes. My colleague helped me up, asking me whether I felt okay. I crawled up and dusted the dirt off myself. I told him that I was fine – two plasters would suffice.

It was only when I returned that I discovered that half of my pants were soaked in blood. I hobbled to the infirmary, where the doctor informed me that I had to stitch my wound. However, there was no anesthetic presently. As we had to continue with the programme the next day, we could not afford any delays. Thus, I grit my teeth and told the doctor to go ahead.

I endured the pain obstinately, refusing to make even a single sound. My colleague – a man 1.8m tall from Northeast Korea – watched on the sidelines, his eyes reddening during the process. He told me that he had nothing but genuine respect for me.

I was rather abashed, and said, “This is nothing. When I was young I had an operation once – and even though the pain was a hundred times worse then, I managed to endure it.”

Jungkook came to pick us up when we returned to Seoul. I knocked out the moment sat in the car, only rousing halfway during the journey to hear my colleague chatting with him.

“Is she this strong even at home?”

Jungkook replied, “No. She loves to whine at home, and she frequently cries when she watches movies, to the point where I have to comfort her as though she’s still a child.”

My colleague was bewildered, “Why?”

“Because she doesn’t have to be strong in front of me.”

Listening to their conversation silently, I felt myself tear up.

I saw a line in a book once, and it left a deep impression on me then. It said that during one’s lifetime, one can find love, and one can find sex, but these are unimportant things. What’s important is that one finds understanding.

I thought, ah, this must be understanding.

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The company wanted to plan an event relating to the reminiscence of youth.

I sent a mass text message to my friends, asking: The person who you crushed on when you were studying – what is he or she doing now?

I received various answers:

He became the father of other children.

He married, and gave birth to children. I dreamt of him last night, and even in the dream he was as nonchalant and dismissive as ever. No matter how hard I try, I can never catch up with his footsteps. I was very sad in the dream, because he didn’t do anything wrong, it’s just that he didn’t love me.