{crumbs: nct one-shots}

{ace of spades: platonic kundery}

concept: hendery confesses something important to kun. based loosely on personal experience and a yangyang fic i read on ao3.

hendery was curled up on the couch with leon on his chest. he was petting ten's cat while laying on his back, lost in thought. he didn't get what the big deal about crushes was. he didn't even know what a crush felt like. not a real one, anyway. he just admired people and wanted to be more like them, even though it took him years to realize that. you would think, being a young man, he'd be thinking about girls or boys or whatever a lot more than he thought about food or video games or his playlist. but you'd be wrong.

he was always put off by the idea of a romantic relationship. he liked cuddling and holding hands with his members, but anything past that—like kissing or anything sexual—shut his brain off of the idea completely. friends were enough for him. the idea of having sex with someone or any make out scenes in movies or tv shows made him squeamish. he always had to pay attention to something else when they happened. the thing was, he didn't understand why he didn't feel any of these things when all his friends did.

"it must be easy to be a cat," he said, scratching leon's ears. "you don't have to worry about all these confusing things."

"what are you doing out here, hendery?" kun asked, heading to the kitchen.

hendery shrugged even though kun couldn't see him. "thinking," he said, still petting leon and feeling the cat vibrate on his chest as he purred.

"what about?" kun asked. the rustling from the kitchen alerted hendery that kun was making tea.

hendery shrugged again, then remembered kun couldn't see him. "just... i don't really know. remember that sleepover yangyang and i went to last night?" he asked.

"yeah, i remember. at the dream dorm," kun said. "what about it?"

"well, renjun was talking about this crush he has, and chenle and yangyang talked about theirs, and i didn't really have anything to say. even when they asked me, i just said no one," hendery explained. "i don't get crushes on people."

kun walked back into the living room where the younger was. he nodded in understanding. "i think i've had like, two crushes on people ever," hendery continued, pulling his knees closer to himself so the older could sit. "is that normal?"

kun wasn't sure how to answer. "i-i don't know, i think it's different for everyone, you know?" he tried to explain.

hendery suddenly went quiet as his face fell, but nodded anyway. "what's wrong?" kun asked, noticing his quick change of expression.

"i just feel like i should. everyone else does. ten, renjun, xiaojun, yangyang, lucas..." his voice trailed off. "if everyone's talking about boys, where does that leave me?" tears stung his eyes, but he blinked them away as he continued to pet leon.

"so you feel left out?" kun asked. hendery hesitated, running his hand along leon's tail. he then nodded.

"every time they talk about it, i feel disconnected, like we don't have anything in common for that moment. and i feel like i should. i should feel these things that they're describing, i just don't. relationships kind of scare me and sex is—" he shuddered.

kun patted the younger's knee awkwardly, though clearly trying to reassure him. hendery pulled his chin toward his chest. "i tried to talk to my mom about it once and she said it was just because i haven't found the right person," he continued. "it made me feel invalidated."

"hendery, that's not true," kun said. "it's okay that you don't want to be in a relationship. you shouldn't be pressured into something you don't want to be doing, like forcing a relationship or having sex," he continued, his parent mode suddenly switched on.