Harry Potter and the Harmony One-shots

The Forever Humbled Malfoy

Post-war

October 25th, 2018

***

It was a warm Saturday in October when Harry and Hermione Potter had just gotten ready for a relaxing day at the beach, one of their favorite pastimes. 

That was before they received the floo call from Headmistress McGonagall, which was the very reason why they were sat in her office while she and Professor Flitwick explained the details of their son's latest scheme. 

"Scorpius Malfoy is currently in the hospital wing after a confrontation this morning between him, your daughter Lily, and young James here," said McGonagall, gesturing to a teary eyed Lily and a stone-faced James. "your son seemed to have traumatized the poor boy."

Harry glanced at his son and he would swear on his Firebolt MK III he could see triumph in his eyes.

"What did he do this time?" asked Hermione as she massaged the bridge of her nose.

"Well... I assume you are aware of young Mr. Malfoy here and Ms. Potter's relationship?" asked McGonagall with what sounded like nervousness in her usually stern voice.

Harry cringed. "Yes," he muttered through gritted teeth.

He never could deny his daughter anything, but once he found our she was dating his childhood rival's son , Hermione was the only thing that had stopped him from marching into the school and throttling the junior Malfoy in front of the entire Great Hall.

"Yes, well, that ended today," said Flitwick, whom Harry had forgotten was there.

But his daughter and Malfoy's kid weren't dating anymore? His day brighten instantly.

"You see," Flitwick continued, "Ms. Potter was told by her younger brother, Albus, that young Mr. Malfoy was seeing someone else behind her back," explained Flitwick.

And his day was immediately darkened again. Harry's jaw clenched as he turned and saw his little girl hanging her head as she cried, and not even James rubbing circles on her back would soothe her.

"Come here, baby," whispered Hermione as she held her arms out towards her daughter.

Lily crossed the room and snuggled into her mother's arms as she silently cried. God, when I get my hands on that boy.

"She confronted him of course. Which resulted in him calling her - er - a not very nice name," said McGonagall with terribly hidden disdain.

"What did he call her?" Harry asked calmy.

"Well, he er -"

"That git called her a harlot because she dumped him!" James spat.

Out of the corner of Harry's eye, Harry saw Lily's grip on Hermione tighten as he and his wife gasped.

"But don't worry, Dad!" James continued, "I handled it! I reckon no girls gonna want him now that I made his bits practically nonexistent!" He finished with a wide grin as he brought his thumb and index finger close enough to each other to leave only a small gap.

Harry snorted loudly as he struggled to reign in his laughter.

"Harry! James, I - uh -" stuttered Hermione, clearly wanting to admonish James but knowing very well Malfoy deserved it. She clamped her mouth shut and decided she'd let Harry handle this one.

"Madam Pomfrey has not been able to revert the changes to Mr. Malfoy's...ah... genitalia," said Flitwick. "it was very complicated charms work, and I must say I'm quite impressed."

Hermione beamed at the fact that her son, who usually saw schoolwork as less important than mischief making, was being praised by the Charms teacher.

"I helped him learn it a while ago," Lily mumbled as her eyes met Hermione's, seemingly knowing what she was thinking. "It was pretty complicated if I do say so myself, but I'm kind of a genius because of my mother so it was no big deal."

The look of pure pride on Hermione's face was priceless.

"Well then, Ms. Lily, if you would please tell us how to remove the charm?" asked McGonagall.

Lily smiled evilly, and wiped her tears with the back of her hand.

"There is none. He'll have to wait until it wears off on its own," said Lily.

"And when will that be?"

"When he loses his virginity," answered Lily, desperately trying to hide to grin from stretching itself onto her face.

"Yep! Poor bugger, he's doomed!" quipped James.

"Oh, dear, his father is going to have a fit," breathed McGonagall.

Harry could barely contain his laughter.

20 minutes later...

"Finally that's over," said James exasperatedly as they exited the Headmistress' office.

"James, you know I should ground you for what you did," admonished Harry, "tampering with another man's bits. You know that goes against the man-code. But..."

"Because it was brilliant and he deserved it for calling Lily such a horrible name, we're more than happy to let it slide," Hermione finished as she hugged Lily against her side and ruffled James' already messy black hair. 

"On one condition, of course," said Harry with a smirk. "I think you owe us for ruining our day at the beach anyway."

"Sorry, Dad," sighed James, "what do you want?"

"I want the memory of it. The whole thing. Your uncle Ron's gonna lose it..."

"Hush, love. Honestly though, James, Lily, what made you come up with such a charm?" questioned Hermione.

"Well, about a month ago when he called Al a disgrace to Slytherin," said James, "I told him if he didn't shrink his ego, I'd shrink it for him!"

"I just wanted to try it out as an experiment, glad to see it works," said Lily.

"Yeah, and now you know the consequences of dating a Malfoy."

"Sorry, kids, but Potters and Malfoys aren't and never will be compatible." Harry shrugged. "But that's okay, because Granger's are way better." he smiled at Hermione.

"Aww, thanks," said Hermione as she leaned in and pecked her husband on the lips."

"There goes my appetite," groaned James.

And then James proceeded to make a beeline for the Quidditch Pitch.

***

A/N, it was only after I wrote this that I realized how old Flitwick must be at this point. Hopefully he hadn't already retired after the 19 years, because I'm not rewriting shit... I better post this before I reread it and decide it's awful again.