Parallel Lines

Chapter 7

Ryujin POV

I wonder when I got into the habit of composing messages and then deleting them afterwards.

Oh right, it was probably around that time.

*Middle School Flashback*

I mustered up what little courage I had, to tell Lia how I felt. I missed my chance earlier, I was so stupid that I ran, but I had to arrange the thoughts in my head, the things I wanted to tell her, the things I hope she would listen.

I know a text would be the lamest way to confess, but maybe it's a start..

Dear Lia - scratch that too formal

My dearest Lia - ugh no

I sighed, why is this so hard.

Lia

I love you. I don't know how long I've loved you, but I think I did even before I knew what love meant.

Your flustered face makes me want to tease you all the time, and when you smile, the sparkle in your eyes makes me feel like I'm looking at the night sky, and I still remember the first time you smiled at me even though your eyes were a little red from crying. You were the prettiest thing I've ever seen that I wanted to take you home with me.

Thank you for accepting me just the way I am, with you by my side I feel like I can take on the world.

I really wish I could say this to you in person, I'm sorry for being a coward, it's just that when it comes to you I'm a mess.

So I wonder if -

I stopped typing as soon as I got a notification. It was from Lia.

She just texted that a guy from another class asked her out.

I immediately erased my message, and replied some bullshit words of encouragement.

She was feeling insecure about herself so I had to give her a push... and push her to someone else.

Honestly, this is what you get for trying to confess over a text. I wish somebody could just stab me right in the gut and twist it, cause that would seem less painful than this.

She eventually went on that date with all smiles. Her smile that I thought was specially for me until I realized she smiles like that to everyone. But it's not her fault, it's just the way she is, and that's one of the reasons why I fell for her.

But after every date, she'd come to me to complain, to question her decision, and here I am feeling guilty for supporting her in the first place. It's a cycle really I try to make her happy by boosting her morale, but at the end of the day she's not happy. You're a paradox Choi Lia.

I wonder if sent that text first would things be different. Once you miss the opportunity to say something, the words become increasingly toxic.

I don't like feeling this way and I didn't want to deal with uncertainties, so for a while, I didn't want to be the one to text first, I'd only reply when she started the conversation. I wanted to make sure I don't send anything I'd regret.

There are at the times that I would slip, but she'd give me a rain check. So I somehow got this feeling that she was avoiding me, I felt like I was bothering her so I stopped.

For days I didn't get in touch with her, and it was making me anxious, she was still my best friend, shouldn't I be there for her if there's something wrong. But then I thought, phones work both ways.